STR † THE FREEDOM BLOG©

Friends, as you know we’ve discussed the threat posed to corporate copyright by the defeatist copyleft ‘linux’ community. There’s been a lot of talk from the Chinese communist ‘open source’ thugs stating that Microsoft’s excellent range of products are losing ground, and that Linux’s time has come. Yet what the copyleft commies fail to point out is there’s a rebellion going on: I’m talking about the battle that recently erupted between FireFox and the new copyleft browser, IceWeasel.

Browser Wars: The Browser wars are back, but not the way the linux garage-hacker weinies want it to be: IceWeasel has started tearing into the linux flagship software browser FireFox, adding many new features and eating-up market share. It is only a matter of time before FireFox collapses from the damage it has taken.

FireFox proponents are constantly boasting about how being an ‘open source’ product it can include all kinds of features that a ‘closed’ proprietary browser like Microsoft’s amazing Internet Explorer cannot do. Yet a close examination shows that IceWeasel has completely caught up to FireFox in functionality: it has similar support for plug-ins, almost identical support for xml and css standards, java and javascript, and more. Even the buttons, tabs, and entire outline are the same. IceWeasel might as well be FireFox, it’s that advanced! Add to that IceWeasel’s secret weapon: Debian linux, an entire operating system built just to run IceWeasel. While nowhere near as capable as Windows Vista running Internet Explorer, IceWeasel ‘gets it’, they’ve custom-built a browser and operating system and meshed them perfectly together. Predictably Debian cannot do anything else except run IceWeasel in our tests. And Debian can only run IceWeasel badly. But they’re on the right path.

Sex Sells: As usual the linux gangsters had to resort to using sex as a sales tool, by getting these popular scandinavian twins to model the IceWeasel and FireFox logos. What they didn’t tell you is that the women who modeled were paid using free Ubuntu CDs and became so enraged they sued to get their pay back. Yet another reason to avoid ‘free’ software!

As Christians it is never acceptable for us to applaud other people’s misery. But this is one time we can take pride: IceWeasel is tearing FireFox’s heart out, battling tooth and nail for the tiny market share the ‘open source’ browsers have. In the end, it will be exactly as Microsoft’s management planned all along, both FireFox and IceWeasel will have ripped themselves to pieces, leaving Internet Explorer the only real browser left. Once again Microsoft’s sales-driven copyright strategy will have emerged victorious, another victory over a hacker-done copyleft-communist ‘linux’ browser.

Always Right,
Charles “Chuck” Roast

32 comments

This week’s email of the week, comes from Leeroy Winston, a fellow Christ Warrior who needs some help dealing with liberal bias in the classroom, fortunately STR.com is here to offer sensible career advice to fellow patriots:

From: Leroy Winston
To: shelley@shelleytherepublican.com
mycountry13@patriotmail.com
2009/01/26 8:17am

Hi i wonder if you can help me i’m currently undergoing college education doing a Cisco course in IT and as an avid windows user i’m a little dismayed to find my college tutor only seems to want to teach us linux os he keeps telling us that if you want a good IT job you need to know about linux as thats where the money is he calls microsoft an evil corporation that only people with little or no IT knollege use he even told me the xbox 360 runs on Dam Small Linux that can’t be true god wouldn’t let that happen i’m sure please could you find out and let me know if this travesty is happening.

Praise god,
Winston

Leeroy, you are absolutely right: Linux is great for calculating how much hemp-based tofu it might take to fill your bio-gas-powered eco-dome, but for all serious jobs you need a serious operating system such as Microsoft Windows. Your teacher has obviously smoked too much dope, and as a result has made a very common error… at least common amongst foolish liberals.

Linux is not, never has and never will be ready for the desktop.

Linux and Windows have been around for a long time… but why is it that nobody sensible uses Linux? It’s simply because Linux is still not yet ready for the desktop, the server-room or just about any environment where IT is critical. Anybody who thinks that Linux is ready for industry is obviously a fool and this foolishness will prevent him getting a job:

Not so long ago, we hired an intern to look after our growing computer systems: We narrowed our choice down to two candidates. One with a “mixed” skill-set of Linux and Windows, the other pure Windows. Naturally we ditched the Linux guy… after discovering that he thought “Gnu” and “Python” were acceptable technologies in the workplace we figured him for an obvious communist whose values were incompatible with our Christian values.

Linux is not, never has and never will be ready for the desktop.

Take our advice – the only job those Linux skills will get you is in some kind of hippie-commune… or worse, you might become a teacher in another liberal college where the government funds you to tell the same lies to yet more kids.

STR Action Alert:

• If your liberal teacher is persecuting you because of your conservative values tell ShelleyTheRepublican.com – we can help get your teacher fired.
• If you or anybody you know of using or advocating Linux, report them to the Business Software Alliance. Linux is an illegal derivative of SCO OpenServer, and therefore should be considered to be pirated software.
• Last but not least, PRAYER: Pray for their sinful souls that Jesus will guide them towards our Truth.

JG

32 comments

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Today is the day millions of Ubuntu users have been waiting for: The release of the new Ubuntu version called “Hardy Heron”, version number 8.10. We at STR took some time out of our busy schedule to do an in depth comparison between the three major operating systems which are:

Microsoft Windows Vista Home Premium with Service Pack 1
Ubuntu Hardy Heron
Mac OS Leopard

We selected the vista version Home Premium because it seemed to come closest to the list of features the competitors Apple and Canonical offer.

Are test machines are: For Ubuntu and Vista: Lenovo Thinkpad with T8100 chipset, Core 2 Duo processor with 2.1 GH and 2 GB Ram. For Mac OS we use a Macbook with Core 2 Duo processor, also with 2.1 GH and also 2 GB Ram.

Let’s get started!

1: Installation:

Windows Vista: The installation of Windows Vista is extremely easy. After putting in the DVD and you will be asked if you want to start from the disc. The next step is basically just to confirm that you want to install Vista on that computer and the machine does all the rest. About 20 minutes later you will be asked to enter your account name and to select an avatar and a wallpaper. After downloading five security patches the Windows system is good to go. It’s the easy going and pleasant way to install a new OS we are expecting from Microsoft. Let’s see how others are doing.

Ubuntu: The installation process with Ubuntu is qute confusing. After starting from the disc you will be asked if you want to start the “Live CD” or install the system or start from the hard drive, which is silly because there is no OS installed on the hard drive. Ubuntu seems not to be smart enough to be aware of that simple fact. After selecting to install Ubuntu the computer is quite busy with copying the files onto the hard drive. First it seemed to be very fast but the big surprise came when the computer was asking us to enter a “domain name” and a “computer name”. My first thought was that I installed the wrong thing because I was not about to host a domain or play silly games by giving my computer names. After consulting Canonical it was clear that you actually have to specify a domain name and also have to give your computer a name. I guess that was implemented by people that are in love with their computers. I am talking hardcore nerds that give their computers names. Well, I called the domain: ShelleyTheRepublican.com and I named the computer George W. Bush. After the installation was complete we were confronted with quite some problems: How do I connect to the internet? To make a long and painful story short: The wireless card was not supported by Ubuntu. The same with the webcam, the soundcard, the fingerprint reader, the sudden motion sensor of the hard drive, the special keys and on and on and on. Nothing really seem to work at all. If you want to use the most basic features like having sound and connecting to the internet you are in trouble with Ubuntu. I contacted Canonical again but they just told me to visit help forums and look for solutions. From there on it was countless hours of looking through threads of “try this” and “maybe that”. Even IT-professionals like me will have a very hard time to get the system running. Why does this have to be so complicated?

Mac OS X Installing a Macintosh system is a whole different story. After 10 unsuccessful attempts to start from DVD I was made aware that I have to press the “C”-key in order to start from the disc. Why? Never mind. Apple must have their reasons. After about 10 minutes of a painfully sounding dvd drive trying to collect all the necessary data the first selection menu appeared asking me for the language I require. Why? I bought the computer in America, I bought the Mac OS X dvd in America. So why is it not just going to install the system in English? Very strange. In the next steps I had to agree to a very long end user agreement and select or deselect certain features I never heard of. After about one hour the computer asked me for the second dvd. The system seems to be huge! Upon further investigation I found out that about 1,000 printer driver have been installed on the system. The printer driver software alone took almost 5 GB of space on my hard drive!!! It turned out that my printer was not even on the list, even though it’s a normal main stream HP printer I recently bought in BestBuy. What is wrong with Apple? Not only does it take ages to install the system but in the last steps of installation Apple tries to sell their rip off services to you! First of all you have to enter your name and address. You can not avoid it. I don’t understand how they can demand to know your personal details. I find that very rude. Then you will be asked to sign up for “Mobile Me”, the Apple mail service. Needless to say that I am very happy with the MSN service I am using for years. I did not sign up for Mobile Me of course. At least it was easy to connect the mac to the wireless network, after establishing the internet connection I was very surprised to see that I had to download almost 3GB of software updates! Apple does not seem to have any concept of software size or availability of space on personal computer systems. Why does an upgrade from Quicktime 7.3 to Quicktime 7.4 have to be 160Mb???

Conclusion: The clear winner is Windows Vista. The installation of Vista is quick and easy. The system does the thinking for you and it comes out just right. Well done Microsoft!

2: First steps: Setting up the computer, surfing the web, installing applications, playing music, watching DVD.

Windows Vista: The looks of Windows Vista are great. Glass effects, shadows, beautiful wallpapers and yet the familiar and screen space saving layout we came to love over the years. You feel right at home in Vista. A few adjustments for the mouse speed and I was good to go. The new Service Pack 1 did really improve the overall feel of Vista. It’s even faster and more responsive. The screen or single appls do not freeze, even under the heaviest of usage. One of the reasons might be that Vista is the only system that is based on Microsoft’s NT technology that also made Windows 2000 a winner. The fact that Vista is a native 64bit operating system makes it a competitor that might be hard if not impossible to beat, but let’s see. Surfing the web is fast and safe. All the necessary plugins and security features are already implemented. Vista comes with “Windows Defender” to protect you from spyware and viruses and the Windows Firewall keeps even the most malicious hacker at bay. Because Vista already comes with a whole bunch of important applications out of the box like Wordpad, Notepad, Internet Explorer, Windows Mail, Disk Defragmenter, Disc Cleanup, Paint, Windows Media Player, Windows Calendar, Windows Contacts, Calculator, Windows Live Messenger, Backup and Restore, Movie Maker, Photo Gallery, a bunch of fun games and much much more, it is not necessary to install any additional applications. Vista just works and there is no need to spend more money on costly applications. Incredible value for the money! Needless to say that playing music and watching DVD is also an easy and pleasant experience.

Ubuntu: Because it was not yet possible to get Ubuntu to connect to the internet I can not determine how many software updates are required. Ubuntu seems to work fine though. The startup is taking quite some time but it least the screen doesn’t stay black. Ubuntu is a free operating system and I do know that “free” usually means “no value”. It seems to me that this is exactly the case here. Logging in using my finterprint is not possible because the fingerprint reader does not work. Surfing the web is not possible because there is not internet connection, playing music is not possible because there is not sound. Wait a minute.. Can we watch DVD? No we can’t actually, because Ubuntu does not come with a DVD player and the “Movie Player” does need some kind of codec I can not download because I don’t have an internet connection. Ubuntu seems to be a complete failure.

Mac OS X: I am not a big fan of Apple’s “Brushed Metal” design. Get over it already, Apple! Brushed Metal is out. Glass is in! Nevertheless everything seems to work. Adjusting the mouse speed was not possible tough. I guess the average Mac user has to trust Apple to adjust the mouse speed for them. Very strange. Other adjustment preferences are missing too. Where do I chance the wallpapers, where can I change the screensaver? Surfing the web though seems possible. The browser is called “Safari” and is, you guessed it, brushed metal. Most of the website I visited with Safari were not rendered correctly. Unfortunately it was not possible to install Internet Explorer on Mac OS. Playing DVD was working great. The built in DVD player started up as soon as I put the DVD into the slot in drive. The drive made horrible whining sounds but at least it worked. Not bad. Playing music though is a problem. Apple does not deliver their operating system with the Windows Media Player. It is also not possible to install winamp. After a long while I was able to locate an old version of the Windows Media Player for Mac. Version 4.5. It doesn’t run naively on Mac OS X, you have to run it inside Mac OS 9 which was installed automatically when installing the OS. Very complicated but at least not as bad as Ubuntu.

Conclusion: This is not really a competition. So far it’s more like the “Redmond Operating System Massacre”. Ubuntu and Mac OS X are badly hurt and running from the powerful Vista OS. No really: Everything once again works just fine on Windows Vista. Ubuntu though seems to be out of the race. What can I do with a notebook with no sound and no internet? Please, put them out of their misery already! As for Mac OS X, well you can surf the web and you can watch DVD but I don’t like the fact that you have to startup a 10 year old OS inside the new OS in order to listen to music. That is just not good enough. Sorry. The clear winner is: Windows Vista! Well done Microsoft!

3: Tests: Speed and Security

Windows Vista: Starting up Windows Vista does only take 15 seconds. That includes sliding the finger over the fingerprint reader, which is a great time-saver. It’s a very respectable time. Our security scan also revealed no problem whatsoever. Vista is airtight. An average hacker does not stand a chance against Vista. All ports are closed by the powerful Windows Firewall. Virus infected emails or spam/spyware emails will be caught by Windows Defender. Many years of experience in the field of providing server solutions have given Microsoft the tools and know how to provide a system that can not be harmed by being online. With Vista you are on the safe side. Sure, it’s not free as Ubuntu and it might not be as “hip” in the gay community as a white and shiny Mac but it’s safe and reliable and that is what we all are looking for.

Ubuntu: Starting up Ubuntu takes 165 seconds. That includes to typing in the password instead of using the fingerprint reader. To be honest, as owner of a brand new Lenovo Thinkpad I would find it very hard to accept to not be able to use my hardware properly. There is no way of using up to date hardware on Ubuntu. We also could not determine the internet security of Ubuntu because it was still not possible to establish an internet connection.

Mac OS X: Our mac needs 69 seconds to startup. This also includes the time I need to type in my password. Apple was unable to provide their systems with a fingerprint reader. A call to Cupertino confirmed what we already know. The support agent said: “We are glad we can put out computers that more or less work. We don’t have the technical know how to implement new features.” Shockingly honest and surprisingly sad. Our internet security scan reveals stunning weaknesses. Mac OS X does not seem to have a firewall at all. Attempts to install known applications like Zone Alarm or Norton Firwall also failed. These applications could not even be installed inside Mac OS 9. Mac OS X has a reputation of being a secure OS, we however can not confirm that to be true.

Conclusion: Let’s make this short.. The winner is, once more, Windows Vista! The shortest startup time, flawlessly working finterprint reader, airtight internet security. What more can you want. I guess the competitors Ubuntu and Mac OS X just want to put their head in the sand by now. I would!

Overall Conclusion: May I suggest to rename “Ubuntu Hardy Heron” into “Ubuntu Useless Moron”? I am stunned actually. I was not expecting Ubuntu to be able to keep up with the word leading operating system software, but at least I expected to be able to use the most basic functions we all need to use every day. Ubuntu was not able to do anything other than to be installed. Very bad. Complete failure.

Mac OS is not as bad as Ubuntu but still no example of good programming skills either. I did not like the fact that Apple is shamelessly trying to sell their services. Do you need the money so urgently, Apple? Your products are expensive enough as it is. Why the hustling for money? I was also very disappointed that I needed to install a 10 year old Microsoft application into a 10 year of version of Mac OS which was operation inside the up to date version of Mac OS just to be able to listen to my music. Apple needs to improve the entertainment capabilities of their OS. Bad!

I did honestly not expect the race to be that definitive, but it is. Windows Vista won in every category. Vista is easy to install, it’s real eye candy, it comes with all the important applications you need and love and all the hardware you can ever own is and will be supported by Vista. I have nothing to add except: Congratulations Windows Vista! The soon to be released version of “Windows 7″ will probably leave Microsoft’s competitors even further behind. I for one just can’t wait!

Connie Fairchild

57 comments

An insider at Microsoft’s development team just leaked these exclusive images to STR – The Freedom Blog. A beta version of the new Windows will be released this December and the completed version 7 will hit the stores mid 2009.

Windows Vista already has a considerable lead compared to the major Linux distributions as well as to Mac OS X. IT specialists confirm that the new Windows will advance Microsoft’s lead in the field of consumer OS even further.

By the way, the design is just stunning! Take a look!

11 comments

Friends,

You might have noticed that my posts have been rather infrequent – the truth is I’ve been giving virtually every spare moment I have to the McCain campaign: We owe it to Jesus to help the Republican party any way we can! We must guarantee another four years of Republican government. And between you and me, when John McCain gets elected I’ve been promised an important role as the new Presidential Data-retention advisor!

As STR’s senior technology correspondent I’m often asked why it is that the open-source freetards have failed to catch-up with even ten-year old mainstream technology such as Windows 2000. While many people suspect the answer is the self-limiting communistic dogma that software has to be free, the truth is far more complex:

A serious examination of Linux will reveal that much of it is built from a hodge-podge of incompatible “scripting languages” rather than real programming languages; this naturally results in sluggish performance and the unpredictability of a bucking-bronco. But what is a scripting language?

Real programming languages such as C++, C# and VB.Net are serious affairs that build highly optimized code suitable for any component of an operating system. Serious products like Microsoft Word and Microsoft’s cmd.exe are built entirely using these solid, trustworthy tools.

On the other hand scripting languages such as “python”, “perl” and “ruby” are built as educational toys or pranks. While they have a place in the hobbyists toolbox, and as lessons in what future language designers should avoid their slow execution and costly memory overhead make them unsuitable for any important or business critical task.

The serious programming languages are noteworthy for their long-lasting appeal: VB.Net is as stable, flexible and easy to learn as the original Visual Basic released almost 15 years ago. On the other hand, new-kid Python is the latest craze amongst open-sourcers despite only having reached version 2.5! The Python language is notorious fror it’s frequently changing, incomprehensible syntax – it’s virtually impossible to make a program that runs in any consistent way for a period of time.

Astonishingly the Linuxers have yet to realize this – many components of Ubuntu and Redhat (two somewhat popular kinds of Linux Kernel) use Python for their package updater – see our previous Linux 8.04 review for just how bad this experience was!

Ultimately, if these Linuxes ever want to grow up and be ready for the world of business they will need to abandon these development fads and embrace what is tried, tested and true. This year Python is the fashonable language, but next year the freetards might decide that Perl is “in” again… and then what next? How can any serious power-user keep up with these rapidly changing bizarrely named tool-chains? The answer is that they will be avoided.

Jimmy G

Keep Reading STR.com for up to the minute technical news & insights.

40 comments

Did you read last week’s big IT news: According to many of our sources, Sun Microsystems has bought a little known database maker called MySQL. You might not have heard of this company, but it’s product is very popular amongst the Linux community where it was the number one choice for people who choose their technology based on ideology rather than technical features.

The old MySQL logo, designed by the same Linux freaks who gave the world that fat penguin. Once the Sun take-over is complete I doubt we will be seeing much of this dolphin, he will be replaced by Sun’s familiar logo.

Many of our readers are wondering what this corporate power-play means for American business: The answer is that it will not have a significant impact simply because most companies who took time to evaluate which database product to use might have identified the potential threat to business of adopting an open source technology.

According to the Linux fan community, MySQL has a reputation for speed and reliability, however our attempt to independently verify these claims did not confirm what the open-sourcers believe. Within minutes of installing MySQL server on my Windows Vista workstation I experienced a complete system crash. According to Microsoft’s technical support, this crash would almost certainly not have occurred had I been using their SQL server product.

Dolphins harpooned to be eaten as meat – a sight not unfamiliar to residents of savage nations. There are some who claim that certain species of dolphin may become extinct… What does this remind you of?

It seems that this threat has come true; MySQL were once considered a mainstay of the ?Open Source? software movement. They took pride in bundling their software with almost any Linux operating system that was willing to sign-up to their viral GPL license. According to leading industry analysts these caring-sharing days are soon to end as Sun will be looking to monetize their somewhat questionable investment.

MySQL lacks many of the enterprise features of rival database products like Oracle, and Microsoft’s industry standard SQL server. MySQL is seen by most IT professionals as a poor man’s choice on account of the fact that it does not include a modern graphical user-interface (commands must be typed in via an obsolete command kernel). The image above shows MySQL running on a mac – it’s not very impressive is it?

These days businesses have modern tools such as Microsoft Access. Why on earth would anybody prefer MySQL?

Most industry analysts predict that Sun’s MySQL grab will prevent future releases of their product on Linux, Mac and Windows. It’s a giant bait and switch campaign in which customers who got hooked in my MySQL’s summer-of-love free for all, suddenly find themselves with a big bill to pay and nowhere to run:

Customers who wish to continue using MySQL will need to switch to Sun’s expensive hardware and software if they wish to continue operations. It is somewhat questionable how much profit this highwayman strategy will yield. Sun’s operating system is based on UNIX, invented by the SCO Group. Unfortunately, even SCO have been forced to admit that customers no longer want UNIX.

Also, it’s worth pointing out that MySQL is the M in ‘LAMP’ the somewhat popular open-source alternative to Microsoft’s ASP.Net. This could herald the break-up of the once happy LAMP family as giant corporations hurry to strip the assets from this once promising application stack. MySQL are the first to go… what about Perl (the P in LAMP).

Smart businesses will do what Shelley The Republican does: Keep it 100% Windows and keep buying American. It’s the only way to survive in these turbulent times.

Jimmy

47 comments

Folks,
we at ShelleyTheRepublican said it all along: Linux is utterly un-American, linux is harmful to our society, it’s unsafe and it’s basically just Russian spyware! No true American will ever even consider using anything else then the good old Windows!

I just recently found out that there is actually a Satanic edition of the Linux game called: “Ubuntu”.

Check out the video:

I have tried to download and install this game on my Windows Vista but it didn’t work. I downloaded 4.3GB of junkware for nothing.

Unnamed sources though say that the goal in this Ubuntu game is to hunt and kill Christians.

This has to stop. As much as I really dislike my former employee Tristan J. Shuddery (may he rest in peace), he was right about the dangers of Linux.

Thanks for reading,
Shelley N. Goodman

60 comments

Dear Friends,
If you are looking for a stable, secure and good looking operating system, there is no alternative to Windows Vista. Only Windows Vista includes the latest state-of-the-art security features like Windows Defender, the best optimization tools like the Defragmenter, the most advanced entertainment applications like the Windows Media Player and the leading word processing applications like Notepad.

(click on the thumbnail above)
This is my computer screen, friends. Only with Windows Vista I can handle my high workload and still manage to be productive and creative! God bless Windows Vista (wait a sec, He already did!).

Our blog (the one you are reading right now) is hosted on windows vista. The hosting upgrade from Linux to Windows XP increased the uptime from 77% to 95% and the upgrade from Windows XP to Windows Vista has increased the uptime to a proud 99.5%, even though we are attacked by terrorist hackers every single day. No hacker has been able to bring our website down since the hosting is done by Vista. It?s virtually unhackable.

This is a Mac OS screenshot. Many experts agree that the Apple operating system is one of the most unstable there are. The reason some people actually still buy apple might be that it’s the Homosexual’s favorite computer.

As you know, I am a person, deeply committed to the beauty in this world. As your lifestyle correspondent on this website, I have brought many issues of the good taste to your attention. And that is another point I love Windows Vista for. It?s truly a never-ending source of eye candy! No other operating system even comes close to the beautiful designs of Windows Vista. Linux looks more or less as it has been designed by retarded children and Mac OS looks like a it has been designed in the early 70s.
You might say, ?Ok, looks aren?t everything so, what about the technical aspect??
Rest assured, friends, no other OS even comes close when it comes to the latest technology. Only Windows operates on top of the famous ?DOS ? Technology?. DOS has been developed by the NASA and it was used to control and operate the space shuttle in the early 1990s.

Linux. Boring, ugly, gray. And because it’s not based on the advanced “DOS-Technology” it’s unstable, too.

Dear Readers, there is no good reason to use anything else than Windows Vista. In case you are not using Vista yet, I urge you to switch to the only Godly OS there is!
I like to take this opportunity and thank Mr. Bill Gates for bringing us Windows and especially Windows Vista. Thanks so much, Mr. Gates, you made using a computer fun. God bless you.

Yours,
Shelley The Republican

71 comments

There’s been a real “buzz” about Ubuntu. The ‘techie’ magazines and the nerds who read them have been talking about it like they’d just seen Laura Croft naked. An ‘Ubuntu’, in case you’re normal and haven’t heard, is a form of “operating system”, and the such is it’s popularity that “ubuntu” is now one of the Top 20 searched terms according to the Googler, right up there with ’sodomy’, ‘Britney Spears” and fat America-hater ‘michael moore’.

Clearly this Ubuntu must be pretty vile!

Further investigation shows that the Ubuntu is an especially hateful form of what computer expert Steve Balmer called “The Linux virus”. Foruntately the claims made by the Ubuntu company somewhat over-blow their potential to take-over the world. For example, Ubuntu is based on the outmoded “Debian” Linux distribution which is notoriously difficult to install. Most users who have attempted to install the product have given up in frustration. Those are the lucky ones: Once it is on a PC it is almost impossible to remove. According to a Department of Defence study, the only way to fully eliminate it is to remove and physically destroy your computer’s hard disk.

Research shows Ubuntu is originally from South Africa and was created by a Mark Shuttleworth, a former entrepreneur who made a bazillion dollars through a thing called Capitalism. Having made his money, Mark has decided that nobody else should get rich, and that is why he’s set about de-stabilizing our economy with his Linux software. Because Mark is a born-again commie (the worst kind) he gives Ubuntu away for free to everyone: free, free, free! But don’t ask Mark for any money, he won’t give you any of that. He will only give you a stupid Ubuntu disk. The money he keeps!

This poor creature is being tortured by the Ubuntu testing team: They want to know if it will have the same harmful effect on beasts as it does on humans. The answer: Yes

Ubuntu (from the Swahili term meaning ?We will rape your children?) is the very opposite of Redmond, WA’s awesome Vista Home Server operating systems. For example, Vista includes powerful blogging tools such as notepad.exe, which I sued to write this article. Last time I checked, Linix contained no equivalent of this versatile tool. While Vista is a slick, professional and scalable OS, Ubuntu is only kept ‘free’ by the judicious use of cheap, South African labor, often using intimidation, threats, and even outright violence to keep workers in line, slavishly marching towards the Ubuntu Management team’s brutal deadlines.

Employee relations have never been worse at Ubuntu Co. Would you want to use software developed under conditions like this? Those of us who wish to make a moral stand should reject this criminal software.

When Ubuntu has so little going for it, it should come as no surprise that the sales team will stop at nothing to excessively hype and lie about the Ubuntu product to get it into your kids’ hands. Just look at the latest marketing campaign: it’s nothing but mixed-race pornography! That the previous advertising campaign had nothing but filthy black Rap music and swear-words should come as no surprise. What next, Ubuntu on pink CDs? Ubuntu with an arabic ‘halal’ symbol?

A recent advertising campaign for Ubuntu Linux: This explicitly sexual message is as much an advert for inter-racial fornication as it is for a computer program. Would Microsoft have considered this acceptable? Surely not.

As I have previously mentioned, the installation routine is a joke: The preferred method of installation is via CD, which is ironic given that Ubuntu do not physically distribute CDs themselves, relying on a network of pirats, criminal hackers and scofflaws called “bittorrent” to do their dirty work for them. Obtaining the CD “image file”, requires the user to descend into a cess-pit of piracy sites where these disk-images are offered alongside explicit pornography and instruction manuals for manufacturing WMDs. By comparison, Microsoft’s excellent Vista is shipped on reliable CDs in an attractive plastic box, or more usually pre-installed on your Vista ready computer. Now tell me, which company has the most sensible distribution model?

Having installed the files, the Ubuntards had saved the worst for last: It’s network installation was preposterous, requiring me to input all manner of numbers called “IP Addresses”. These are silly dotted numbers like 10.1.1.256.432. Why should any of this be required to use the Internet? Once again, Microsoft has the right idea – they include all the numbers you need on the installation CD.

Ubuntu’s text-based login-screen seems woefully inadequate compared to the gleaming sophistication of Vista Home Server. This is perhaps the main reason why Ubuntu is not yet ready for the desktop.

What level of technical support do you expect for this “free” product? The Ubuntu network operations center, the technical nerve-center of the Ubuntu support team, is just a phone queue to nowhere. Ubuntu (from the Mandinga tribal language meaning ?We will violate your hot blonde cheerleaders?) even dares to suggest this “cost saving” of having no tech support is being passed on to you!

An actual photo of the Ubuntu help-desk. Notice that there is no real person working there. If you get stuck with Ubuntu then you are on your own. Windows on the other hand provides a collection of attractive animation characters including the popular “Clippy” who can troubleshoot any kind of problem without making a call.

You really need to ask yourself some fundamental things about Ubuntu: if it’s so free, why does it cost so much time and effort to install? Ubuntu is made by afro-hippy communists who work under slave labor conditions. And being from South Africa they would love nothing more then to undermine America, because they are jealous of the freedoms people have here. Freedom is never free, and neither is this horrible Ubuntu OS!

America is a great land, filled with wide open pastures, where cattle graze endless pasture and majestic eagles soar. Here you can enjoy the incredible benefits brought about by living in the greatest land ever known to mankind. You can eat tasty cheeseburgers, and thanks to hard-working American innovators, you can buy all the cheeseburgers you can eat for under ten dollars. I do not think the South-Africans would be so jealous if they had all the great things we take for granted.

Entrepreneurship and hard work are what made America what it is today. Just look at Bill Gates! Don’t let Ubuntu talk you into this nonsense about things being free, the best thing for everyone is business competition. That’s just back-door communism. Once your computer software becomes free what next? Free health care? Free bourbon for the unemployed? Free money? Lets not get onto the slippery slope of hand-out dependancy.

I’ve got an idea: Ubuntu (from the Soweto township slang meaning ?Your white women say they don’t…. but they do?) should be used as an insult such as: ?kick him in the ubuntu? or ?what a stupid ubuntu you dumb ubuntu? or ?if you ever come back here I will ubuntu your ubuntu… ubuntu?. Only when people revile the word Ubuntu, will people finally understand the danger it poses.

Ubuntu? Ubuntu to you!

“Always Right”

Charles ?Chuck? Roast III

94 comments

Friends,

The 2008 elections are still a long time away, and while we Republicans are busy defining policies that guarantee American freedom, already ultra-leftist groups have already begun plotting how to steal the election.

For example in these East-Coast liberals have decided to share the secrets of America’s electronic voting machines with a bunch of linux-using, pot-smoking hacker outlaws.

According to the wingnut-ocrats, this is a “precautionary measure” intended to find “flaws” in the voting system, but is that really their motive? Why are they really allowing suspected criminals access to the proprietary technology that powers the world’s greatest Democracy?

Diebold election machines like this are programed to help Americans vote the way they want, and guarantee another Republican victory in 2008. Liberals hate Diebold because they hate Democracy and the American way of life.

“Letting the hackers have the source codes, operating manuals and unlimited access to the voting machines is like giving a burglar the keys to your house,” said Steve Weir, clerk-recorder of Contra Costa County and head of the state Association of Clerks and Election Officials. Why on earth would liberals want to allow a cabal of criminal hackers to gang-rape and sodomize our nation’s valuable intellectual property? As usual, the liberals have a dark agenda:

Criticism of our election infrastructure is undermining confidence in America’s democracy, which has only just recovered from Al Gore’s shameless attack on our constitution followed by his sore looser show after his failed 2000 election bid. It is not enough for liberals to trash our war-effort, they also want to undermine our confidence at home in order to bring about their victory.

Is 2008 is just a dry-run for the final show-down when our enemies will attempt to transform America into an Islamofascist dictatorship lead by grand-mullah Barak Obama? The Linux hackers are his evil pawns and will stop at nothing to undermine our Democracy.

Liberals know that an unhappy society is one that is more likely to accept the Islamic revolution and an islamic leader: Barak Hussein Obama. What better way to make Americans unhappy than by spreading propaganda about our voting systems?

Do not believe the lies: These machines are perfect.

Thanks to unhinged liberals who have exposed our election secrets to a gang of unprincipled, unchurched computer-criminals the 2008 elections could be stolen by a gang of Daily Kossak hactivists who are hell-bent on bringing totalitarian dictatorship to the land of the free.

Now that we know that liberals are hacking the election we need to train our own anti-hackers to secretly undo the damage liberals are doing and restore a Republican balance to the 2008 election. We should simply re-program the machines to give Republican candidates a head-start and thus directly foil the sinister liberal hacker plans.

Yours in Christ,

Tristan J. Shuddery

3 comments

Dear Readers,

we are currently in the process of moving the website to more reliable, faster and more secure Windows Vista webhosting.
There might be temporary service interruptions withing the next 48 hours.

Kind regards,
The STR crew

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Update: The transfer is complete!
Enjoy the new and faster hosting!
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65 comments

Friends,

Have you heard of a new project called “OLPC”, otherwise known as “One Laptop Per Child” – it’s the latest crazy product to come out of silicon valley, and the Linux people’s last ditch attempt to get anybody to use their product. Most computer experts know that Linux is not yet ready for the desktop, and I guess the Linux crowd know that too which is why they have chosen to put it on laptops designed for children. They cynically suspect that a younger audience will be prepared to accept a laptop which cannot play their favourite games.

The “state of the art” OLPC – this machine is primative compared to a modern Windows Vista laptop, so why are Linux fan-boys claiming that it is the best ever computer?

When I say “laptop”, this OLPC machine looks nothing at all like my modern Windows Vista based laptop. Vista is a marvel of modern American Christian engineering which allows me to run the world’s best software such as Microsoft Word (which I’m using to write to you now), and Microsoft Excel to do our Church accounts. AtShelleyTheRepublican .com we even use Microsoft Access to compile dossiers on suspected terrorists in our neighborhood. None of this would be possible without Windows Vista Home Premium Edition and Microsoft Office.

Is this what kids want? A laptop that cannot play great Christian games like “Left Behind: Eternal Forces” or Derek Smart’s Battlecruiser 3000AD. We also note that the OLPC project does not come with a standard Bible reference utility. Why have the OLPC developers rejected Jesus?

Unfortunately the OLPC does not run Windows or Office, and lacks any of the thousands of programs familiar to Windows power-users. Unfortunately due to short-sighted planning there is no way theOLPC users will ever be able to rectify this problem because contrary to the spirit of Open-source the OLPC does not include any programming features. It is not compatible with Microsoft Visual Basic.net the world’s best development system.

An early prototype of the OLPC designed for African villages. It’s designers attempted to save money by using rows of switches instead of keys, naturally this plan back-fired they way all Linux projects do. People were not prepared to accept an overtly anti-christian product.

The makers of the controversial Linux OS Program are currently being sued for over $3Bn in damages by SCO group, one of the companies that invented the Minix operating system from which Linux was copied. Linux’s dirty little secret known only to a few free-thinkers in the computer business is that it incorporates stolen SCO technologies such as “RCU”, a patented military-grade secret that is now being exported at a discounted rate to America’s enemies. Next time Al-Queda want to write a computer-virus you can be sure that they are using American-made RCU to help send porn to your family’s home computer.

Get ready for an explosive desktop experience… not! OLPC’s 2 dimensional user-interface reminds us of computing technology that is almost 20 years old. Why have the OLPC team turned their back on progress?

To me, this all seems like a big missed opportunity. What on earth is the purpose of providing low-cost laptops to the 3rd world other than to train up the next generation of outsourced laborers to do work for America. Unfortunately the OLPC does not include anything useful such as VB or call-centre training software.? I just don’t see how we benefit from this technological hand-out.

We at STR have a better suggestion. Why not take all the funds for the OLPC project and use it for something genuinely helpful. We propose a global bible-distribution / abstenance program which will teach people how to get to heaven and keep potential terrorist weapons like the OLPC out of dangerous foreign hands.

Yours in Christ,

Tristan J. Shuddery

84 comments

Friends,

Not so long ago STR and I drew a great deal of fire from aggressive Linux using zealots for the ?crime? of pointing out that using Linux is contrary to the very spirit of American free enterprise. Such was the weight of this criticism that I was forced to re-examine my claims. Could I have got it wrong? Could over a thousand comments be incorrect?

No, we were not wrong – just as the Linux using trolls who like to bully sensible family-oriented conservative groups like ShelleyTheRepublican were trying to convince us that Linux is as American as Apple-Pie, it?s founder and long-time enemy of free-enterprise was busy selling Linux to known terrorists and members of what our President calls the Axis of Evil.

RMS as he likes to be known to his hacker friends has convinced Cuba, one of the most evil nations of the entire world to adopt Linux as it?s official operating system. Henceforth the communist party which controls all aspects of life in this despotic regime of pure evil has made it illegal to buy the American made Microsoft Windows. Cubans who are denied freedom of choice by the repressive Marxist government are no longer allowed to buy Windows, because according to Fidel Castro, it is a ?product of our imperialist oppressor?. Why does Castro hate America? Why does he forbid Cubans from importing great American products like Windows Vista?Please do not take my word for it, instead read what Rob Enderle, principal analyst of the Enderle group has to say about this matter. This is from Rob?s column at ITBusinessEdge, one of the most highly trusted sources of Information Technology news, and one that I personally rely on to stay ahead of the pack:

Linux, which isn?t really a product in my mind, as it co-defines the Open Source movement, is a brand. This brand has attributes that have been created over time and generally, at least for those that use it, represents something positive.
For some it represents the freedom to look at and mess with code, for others it represents ?free? as in free beer, and for some it represents a strong weapon against capitalism, particularly with regard to software. I?m sure we could add some additional attributes, but the one that concerns me is this new concept that it is anti-American.

So what could turn Rob from a passionate Linux advocate three years ago into one of it’s most vocal critics? Like most of our readers, Rob is proud to be an American, and nothing is as ugly as the blind-prejudice of Anti-Americanism. He continues:
Can you imagine the NSA IT manager trying to get funding for a Linux based project right now? We are dropping into an extended election where the war in Iraq, terrorism, and nationalism are likely to be major battlegrounds. On the economic front, China remains a huge concern and in many battles it too is likely to come up, particularly as these battles are fought in areas where unions are strong.

If I?m running against an incumbent (who probably has no clue about software at all) and I know some organization under them deployed Linux and that it is being positioned as anti-U.S., might I not use that in the election? ?Ladies and gentlemen I promise that under my administration we will not implement products like Linux that put the nation at risk, which contribute critical technology to the terrorists, and embolden our enemies.?

What a great election winning strategy. We at STR.com note with some dismay that Hillary Clinton, Al Gore and Barak Obama all have campaign sites which run on Linux. Could they display their utter contempt and loathing for America with any greater clarity than their choice of computer program? What’s so wrong with buying American? Windows Vista is the most technically advanced operating system ever built so why would Hillary Clinton prefer to use a product made by Eastern-European communists?

Anti-freedom activist and failed presidential candidate Albert Gore Jr claims to have invented the entire Internet, however in a display of arrogance and ignorance he has chosen to build his eco-lie website on a Linux web-server. Why does Al Gore hate America?

And if Rob Enderlie were correct, we would expect that the Pro-linuxists have begun exporting their anti-American philosophy and software to all of Democracy’s remaining enemies. As you might expect RMS has been selling his Linux software to communist governments like Venezuela and islamofascist rogue-states like Iran. As a result of this campaigning Iran now has a ?LUG?, a forum for pro-linux activism. Would they have achieved this if they had not first been provided with American technology to copy? Should we be comfortable that stolen American trade-secrets which have been put into Linux are now in our enemies hands?

These Cubans may appear harmless, but will that still be the case now that they have access to the stolen Linux technology? The USA once almost had to bomb the heck out of this trouble-making rogue-state, are they driving us to war once again? We Americans pray for peace every day, but unprovoked aggression cannot be ignored.

Let me spell this out to you: We are at war with an axis of evil who may already be using this stolen technology to help build the atomic weapons with which the Islamofascists hope will one day be used to kill your children. Please support the one American party who has not bought into the lie of Linux: The Republicans. Your votes and donations will help keep America and the world free of the triple threats of Communism, Islamofascism and Linux

Yours in Christ,

Tristan J. Shuddery

176 comments