It’s very difficult to find a review of Linux free of ultra-leftist bias, which is why ShelleyTheRepublican’s annual review of Linux has become the most trusted source of truthful information about this operating system upstart: Christians the world over know that they can turn to STR for factual and unbiased reviews of the latest technology. That is why every God-Given year we like to compare the state of the art Linux and ask the simple question – is Linux ready for the desktop yet? So far the answer has been a resounding no. The freedom-hating red-communist Linux freetards have consistently failed to deliver compared to American free-market solutions such as Microsoft Windows. Our Christianity teaches us that redemption is possible. so this is why we are mindful to check that users of free-software have improved their ways.

When we last reviewed Linux we pitched the then state-of-the art “Ibex’s Ubutu Interpid” against Microsoft’s excellent flagship Windows Vista. We felt that Vista outclassed Ibex’s open source operating system, however we did note that since the Ibex operating system could be downloaded for free it may be suitable for non-business critical tasks (e.g. lightweight letter-writing, or web-surfing) – provided you can overcome it’s idiosyncratic user interface. We were not 100% uncritical of Microsoft’s offering: We felt that at the time Apple and Microsoft were both failing in terms of their provision of Christian oriented biblical software, and the important task of pornography filtering.

You may also remember that we promoted a stern criticism of Apple’s tendancy to appeal to the homosexual agenda with their range of candy coloured gadgets and open adoption of liberal values. Since then we are proud to say that Steve Jobs of the Apple company has listened to our sensible criticisms and developed a brand new product called the iPad with the needs of American Christians like ourselves in mind. As you may know for the last two months every bit of content on our site has been written on Apple’s 100% porn free device, which we agree is the obvious future of computing.

Meanwhile, Linux seems to have lost ground: A year ago we were told that Linux would soon be the dominant operating system on mobile phones: Even their staunchest adocate Google seems to have abandoned Linux in favour of it’s homage to iPhone called Android. Linux users seem to be leaving the operating system in droves, most likely as a consequence of the continued in-fighting between the various companies such as the business-oriented Red-Hat and the increasingly absurd maker of Ubunto which has just renamed itself to “Lucid Lynx”. A year ago Linux could be found on popular video-game consoles – even Sony who once promoted this freetard operating system have come to realize that free software is commercial suicide.

Incidentally, we tried to install this software without much luck: We were able to conclude that this African-made version of the Linux operating system we can confidently say it’s the President Obma of computer-programs: All ideology but rotten to the core. Nobody could enjoy this nigger-rigged operating system.

Our installation woes began right from the start: The install CD forced us to re-format the entire hard drive. It would not install on a perferctly normal Windows NTFS partition. The installation process asked us a bunch of pointless questions (such as where we live) – why not just make a version for Americans since few other countries can afford or know how to use computers. Next we had to wait for almost an hour as the CD drive copied thousands of meaningless files to the computer’s hard drive. As you may know, Ubunto are known for packaging their operating systems with hundreds of megabytes of bloatware with bizarre names such as Gnome, and Pidgin. Alas the documentation came with no freetard to English dictionary to allow me to make sense of this gibberish. How much simpler Apple’s model which is to simple ship the device with everything pre-installed!

A wasted hour later the system finally permitted me to login, boy what a disappointment. If we were under any doubts about the sanity of the developers before our suspicions were confirmed by the mass of swirling pink which is their excuse for a desktop. The disapointment was double since we could not find any means of installing software. The usual approach of browsing the web and then clicking on setup.exe did not work. Ubunto first complained that it did not have any Wine and then kept asking for me to type in “root password” – this was a bizarre charade of security especially given that the user-name I had created was not even called root! Why should a computer require wine in order to run – we have no plans to test the effects of giving wine to a computer.

After much research I figured that Ubunto intend us to use something called “Synaptic” to install programs: Compared to Apple’s lively market this synaptic is like a store in pre-collapse communist Russia. The presentation is awful and it lacks any of the software brand you or I might find familiar. For example a search for Microsoft Office will yield nothing of use. So what are we supposed to use for our word-processing? Ubuntu actually provide a number of word-processors the most well-known being Open-Office: You may remember that the bankrupted computer company Sun were so unsuccessful selling this failed product that they had to give it away. Linux users are used to this kind of thing, it probably explains why they are such losers!

What’s new in Ubunto? A spinning desktop, what must have begun as a practical joke actually made it into their release. This feature caused us to feel motion sickness. We are considering legal action against the developers.

Installing great Christian software on the iPad was a breeze: Simply activate Apple’s easy to use market icon and type in the kind of software you want. A search for the word “bible” gave us an excellent selection of bible quizzes, reference and concordance. You can even download a spoken word bible for when you want some prayerful bedtime listening. Apple’s iPad has everything that a Christian could ever need – simply the best selection of Bible related apps.

Since there are no apps worth speaking of for Ubunto – I expect that most people will use it for little more than browsing the web. Here parents should take note. Unlike the iPad which includes excellent porn filtering software Ubunto ships with nothing at all. We wondered if any of these ubunto people have children? Most likely they have already been sacrificed a pagan African god since they are apparently unconcerned by the needs of typical American parents. We found that it was possible to browse pornographic sites for hours and hours without any form of obstruction. The danger of this should be immediately apparent to any parent who does not wish their children to become pornography addicts.

Once again, we are forced to conclude that not only is Linux not yet ready for the desktop – it has entirely missed the boat. The desktop PC is dead – nobody uses them any more. Ubunto should be consigned to the scrap-heap of Ghetto technology and never considered again.

Yours in Christ,

Jimmy Goddard

Humble Indie Bundle: by letting people donate for a bundle of games that includes World of Goo, Aquaria, Gish, Lugaru HD, and Penumbra Overture the copylefties are hoping to scam some money for their ‘free’ software. Guess freedom isn’t quite so free now is it!

The linux users are all cheering saying that the reason the average donation by Linux users is $14.56 compared to Windows users $8.06 is because they’re more serious about supporting software. Well guess what, nothing could be further from the truth: linux users don’t understand what it’s like to have to pay for software, that’s why when they finally are presented with the option they’re so confused they wind-up giving twice what any sane Windows using person would pay. When you’re used to ‘bits torrenting’ copyrighted games off the interweb like linux users do all the time, paying for things becomes difficult to comprehend. Do the right thing and refuse to go along with this linux ‘Indie Bundle‘ scam: don’t give them anything, and tell your friends to do likewise.

Always Right,
Charles Roast

IceWeasel Mosaic: many of the linux programmers are yellows who are addicted to jap porn, hence their ability to apply a mosaic to the browser’s Ice Weasel logo. It didn’t fool anyone here though, we knew exactly what they were up to!

Recently Microsoft announced a Second Shot Voucher Program allowing people to rewrite, and rewrite, and keep rewriting their Microsoft IT certifications. This is precisely why Microsoft is the world leader in Information Technology, because even when you fail, with Microsoft you win, even if you fail, and fail, and fail again. That’s why we brought the censored IceWeasel logo to several of STR’s scripture-trained MCP ‘Second Shot’ graduates, who were able to quickly figure out the problem.

IceWeasel Humping: using several of our bible-trained MCSE’s we were able to change the ‘secret Agent user string’ in Internet Explorer allowing us to ‘see’ the filth the linux users were putting up uncensored on the internet. Was the IceWeasel site rated ‘xxx’? No it was not.

The linux ‘shell hackers’ have not fooled anyone with proper Microsoft certification training. We were able to see through this ‘mosaic’, revealing the exact kind of pornographic material the linux community is known to constantly share among each other using their encrypted ‘bit torrents’ networks. Has IceWeasel been taken offline? No, they encourage this kind of deviant behavior, seeing it as a badge of honor. It is the way of the linux criminal, copyleft-thug thieves who hate America. And that is precisely why our Christian readership need to stand-up against open source software and the linux copyleft, so that sharing of pornographic material like this can never happen again.

Always Right,
Charles Roast

Are there Muslim bomb factories in your neighbourhood? It’s a well known fact that since the Obama-Clinton administration opened the door to unchecked immigration your street may already be home to more than one terrorist family.

How can you protect your family and Church from unchecked Muslim aggression? Thankfully Jesus has brought-together ShelleyTheRepublican and SNIFFEX Corporation of America to bring the ultimate in counter-terrorist protection to American patriot households like yours. We at STR are delighted to announce that Shelley The Republican has secured the contracts to exclusively distribute this technological marvel in North America, it’s time for you to meet every terrorist’s worst nightmare:

THE SNIFFEX PLUS

How much are you prepared to spend to keep your friends and family safe from terrorist explosions? Conventional bomb detections solutions are non-portable. Sniffer dogs might be effective, but are expensive to keep in top shape and unsuited to urban environments. That’s why Sniffex Plus is the bomb-detector you can bet your life on:

The elegant, portable SNIFFEX PLUS combines the latest in technology with the ultimate in portability: How does it work? The answer, is SCIENCE:

The Sniffex Plus  modulates a magnetic Field with specific form in its surrounding. The interaction between the dynamic magnetic Field  modulated by SNIFFEX®PLUS, the vertical component of the earth magnetic field and the motion of the operator, holding the device, creates the necessary condition for the presence of a magnetic interference. If there is an object in the surrounding containing -NO2 or -NO3 compounds or hydrogen peroxide in its chemical structure, this interference can be measured with SNIFFEX®PLUS. The antenna reacts as a pointer to the object.

Security personnel the world-over are using SNIFFEX PLUS to keep their streets free of terrorists. In addition to detecting bombs, SNIFFEX  can detect:

• Firearms
• Ammunition
• Land-mines
• Currency
• Contraband
• Stolen Ivory
• Drugs
• Moonshine
• Liberals
• Illegal Immigrants
• Crime

There’s almost no limit to SNIFFEX PLUS’s detection power – absolutely nothing escapes the all-seeing eye of magnetism!

The retail price of SNIFFEX PLUS is $60,000, however as an introductory offer we will be selling this amazing blessing for a mere $29999 – that’s under half price! If that weren’t enough for every SNIFFEX PLUS you buy, we will donate one to a charity such as the Minutemen. Your investment will help keep Ameirica’s borders free of illegal immigrant scum.

DONT DELAY, YOUR FAMILY MY BE MURDERED BY ISLAMIC TERRORISTS TOMORROW

SEND YOUR $29999 VIA PAYPAL TO shelley@shelleytherepublican.com NOW

AND REMEMBER

FREEDOM ISNT FREE!

Browser Wars: The Browser wars are back, but not the way the linux garage-hacker weinies want it to be: IceWeasel has started tearing into the linux flagship software browser FireFox, adding many new features and eating-up market share. It is only a matter of time before FireFox collapses from the damage it has taken.

FireFox proponents are constantly boasting about how being an ‘open source’ product it can include all kinds of features that a ‘closed’ proprietary browser like Microsoft’s amazing Internet Explorer cannot do. Yet a close examination shows that IceWeasel has completely caught up to FireFox in functionality: it has similar support for plug-ins, almost identical support for xml and css standards, java and javascript, and more. Even the buttons, tabs, and entire outline are the same. IceWeasel might as well be FireFox, it’s that advanced! Add to that IceWeasel’s secret weapon: Debian linux, an entire operating system built just to run IceWeasel. While nowhere near as capable as Windows Vista running Internet Explorer, IceWeasel ‘gets it’, they’ve custom-built a browser and operating system and meshed them perfectly together. Predictably Debian cannot do anything else except run IceWeasel in our tests. And Debian can only run IceWeasel badly. But they’re on the right path.

Sex Sells: As usual the linux gangsters had to resort to using sex as a sales tool, by getting these popular scandinavian twins to model the IceWeasel and FireFox logos. What they didn’t tell you is that the women who modeled were paid using free Ubuntu CDs and became so enraged they sued to get their pay back. Yet another reason to avoid ‘free’ software!

As Christians it is never acceptable for us to applaud other people’s misery. But this is one time we can take pride: IceWeasel is tearing FireFox’s heart out, battling tooth and nail for the tiny market share the ‘open source’ browsers have. In the end, it will be exactly as Microsoft’s management planned all along, both FireFox and IceWeasel will have ripped themselves to pieces, leaving Internet Explorer the only real browser left. Once again Microsoft’s sales-driven copyright strategy will have emerged victorious, another victory over a hacker-done copyleft-communist ‘linux’ browser.

Always Right,
Charles “Chuck” Roast

How are we going to end President Obama’s recession? Thanks to the Democrat’s financial mismanagement our economy is teetering on the edge of complete disaster. It’s surely time to take radical measures to prevent things from getting much worse. The ShelleyPAC think-tank would like to offer a modest proposal which will help rid America of one of the most pernicious category of law-breakers, it also promises to give our damaged economy a much needed boost.

Movie, music and software piracy is a despicable crime. According to the RIAA, MPAA and Business-Software Alliance these important industries have lost more than $15 Trillion last year due to lost-sales from users of a web-site called “The Pirate Bay”: Can you believe that one single foreign-run website has cost us more than the US GDP!

What is Obama going to do about it?

Shelley’s team thought long and hard about how to solve this problem: As you know, Pirate Bay is run by a shadowy group of Swedish conspirators: When we had a responsible President like George W. Bush he would take decisive action such as declaring war on Sweden – a godless nation with little or no military power compared to the USA.

We could crush the sweeds and put an end to piracy once and for all, however we should understand that the Democrats are far too weak to attack our foes. Even while the dirty Swedes are ripping us off the fool Democrats insist on keeping diplomatic relations. We conservatives must therefore balance idealism with practicality:

Shelley correctly observed that piracy is like a drug: Once you start downloading you feel compelled to keep downloading. It’s addictive like “pot” or “extacy” – so why dont we treat it like a drug? If downloading is a drug then surely we need to fight a ware on it just like we have a war on drugs and on terrorism?

We need to start rounding up everybody who downloads anything illegal: We need to treat them like junkies and lock them up in jail.

Downloading movies is a crime, just like injecting yourself with Heroin, only there are even more downloaders than drug users. According to the MPAA there are over 22 million users of illegal downloading software called “bittorrent” which the Pirate-bay people use to make their web-site.

Lets go to the source of this bit-torrent: We need to find out who is making it, arrest them and force them to cut off the supply. If the swedish pirate-bay cannot get bittorrent they will be forced to cease operations. It’s amazing how simple the soltion is when you think about it.

In addition to ending piracy, a clamp-down on this criminal activity will have many benefits: Where for example will we secure the millions of law-breakers who will need to be reformed? We could invest in our nation’s correctional facilities. These important institutions of justice could recieve a cash injection that would allow them to deal with a more efficient justice system.

And what are we to do with millions of incarserated law-breakers? We propose a two-pronged strategy: First of all we advise an expansion of President Bush’s faith-based initiatives. Lets get true Christianity back into our prision system to help reform these sinners. Secondly lets put these criminals to work.

Our economic rivals China have long been able to under-cut our ability to manufactuer goods thanks to their low-wage economy. With a work-force of approximatel 10 million American prsisoners who work for free and could be loaned to our leading companies we could under-cut even the chinese. Just think of the productivity advantage we could gain.

I think you will all agree that this suggestion combines a common-sense approach to tackling crime with true Christian compassion. We believe this solution will not only benefit the economy but restore respect for law and order which the democrats have worked so hard to undermine.

Yours in Christ,

Jimmy Goddard

From: Leroy Winston
To: shelley@shelleytherepublican.com
mycountry13@patriotmail.com
2009/01/26 8:17am

Hi i wonder if you can help me i’m currently undergoing college education doing a Cisco course in IT and as an avid windows user i’m a little dismayed to find my college tutor only seems to want to teach us linux os he keeps telling us that if you want a good IT job you need to know about linux as thats where the money is he calls microsoft an evil corporation that only people with little or no IT knollege use he even told me the xbox 360 runs on Dam Small Linux that can’t be true god wouldn’t let that happen i’m sure please could you find out and let me know if this travesty is happening.

Praise god,
Winston

Leeroy, you are absolutely right: Linux is great for calculating how much hemp-based tofu it might take to fill your bio-gas-powered eco-dome, but for all serious jobs you need a serious operating system such as Microsoft Windows. Your teacher has obviously smoked too much dope, and as a result has made a very common error… at least common amongst foolish liberals.

Linux is not, never has and never will be ready for the desktop.

Linux and Windows have been around for a long time… but why is it that nobody sensible uses Linux? It’s simply because Linux is still not yet ready for the desktop, the server-room or just about any environment where IT is critical. Anybody who thinks that Linux is ready for industry is obviously a fool and this foolishness will prevent him getting a job:

Not so long ago, we hired an intern to look after our growing computer systems: We narrowed our choice down to two candidates. One with a “mixed” skill-set of Linux and Windows, the other pure Windows. Naturally we ditched the Linux guy… after discovering that he thought “Gnu” and “Python” were acceptable technologies in the workplace we figured him for an obvious communist whose values were incompatible with our Christian values.

Linux is not, never has and never will be ready for the desktop.

Take our advice – the only job those Linux skills will get you is in some kind of hippie-commune… or worse, you might become a teacher in another liberal college where the government funds you to tell the same lies to yet more kids.

STR Action Alert:

• If your liberal teacher is persecuting you because of your conservative values tell ShelleyTheRepublican.com – we can help get your teacher fired.
• If you or anybody you know of using or advocating Linux, report them to the Business Software Alliance. Linux is an illegal derivative of SCO OpenServer, and therefore should be considered to be pirated software.
• Last but not least, PRAYER: Pray for their sinful souls that Jesus will guide them towards our Truth.

JG

Today is the day millions of Ubuntu users have been waiting for: The release of the new Ubuntu version called “Hardy Heron”, version number 8.10. We at STR took some time out of our busy schedule to do an in depth comparison between the three major operating systems which are:

Microsoft Windows Vista Home Premium with Service Pack 1
Ubuntu Hardy Heron
Mac OS Leopard

We selected the vista version Home Premium because it seemed to come closest to the list of features the competitors Apple and Canonical offer.

Are test machines are: For Ubuntu and Vista: Lenovo Thinkpad with T8100 chipset, Core 2 Duo processor with 2.1 GH and 2 GB Ram. For Mac OS we use a Macbook with Core 2 Duo processor, also with 2.1 GH and also 2 GB Ram.

Let’s get started!

1: Installation:

Windows Vista: The installation of Windows Vista is extremely easy. After putting in the DVD and you will be asked if you want to start from the disc. The next step is basically just to confirm that you want to install Vista on that computer and the machine does all the rest. About 20 minutes later you will be asked to enter your account name and to select an avatar and a wallpaper. After downloading five security patches the Windows system is good to go. It’s the easy going and pleasant way to install a new OS we are expecting from Microsoft. Let’s see how others are doing.

Ubuntu: The installation process with Ubuntu is qute confusing. After starting from the disc you will be asked if you want to start the “Live CD” or install the system or start from the hard drive, which is silly because there is no OS installed on the hard drive. Ubuntu seems not to be smart enough to be aware of that simple fact. After selecting to install Ubuntu the computer is quite busy with copying the files onto the hard drive. First it seemed to be very fast but the big surprise came when the computer was asking us to enter a “domain name” and a “computer name”. My first thought was that I installed the wrong thing because I was not about to host a domain or play silly games by giving my computer names. After consulting Canonical it was clear that you actually have to specify a domain name and also have to give your computer a name. I guess that was implemented by people that are in love with their computers. I am talking hardcore nerds that give their computers names. Well, I called the domain: ShelleyTheRepublican.com and I named the computer George W. Bush. After the installation was complete we were confronted with quite some problems: How do I connect to the internet? To make a long and painful story short: The wireless card was not supported by Ubuntu. The same with the webcam, the soundcard, the fingerprint reader, the sudden motion sensor of the hard drive, the special keys and on and on and on. Nothing really seem to work at all. If you want to use the most basic features like having sound and connecting to the internet you are in trouble with Ubuntu. I contacted Canonical again but they just told me to visit help forums and look for solutions. From there on it was countless hours of looking through threads of “try this” and “maybe that”. Even IT-professionals like me will have a very hard time to get the system running. Why does this have to be so complicated?

Mac OS X Installing a Macintosh system is a whole different story. After 10 unsuccessful attempts to start from DVD I was made aware that I have to press the “C”-key in order to start from the disc. Why? Never mind. Apple must have their reasons. After about 10 minutes of a painfully sounding dvd drive trying to collect all the necessary data the first selection menu appeared asking me for the language I require. Why? I bought the computer in America, I bought the Mac OS X dvd in America. So why is it not just going to install the system in English? Very strange. In the next steps I had to agree to a very long end user agreement and select or deselect certain features I never heard of. After about one hour the computer asked me for the second dvd. The system seems to be huge! Upon further investigation I found out that about 1,000 printer driver have been installed on the system. The printer driver software alone took almost 5 GB of space on my hard drive!!! It turned out that my printer was not even on the list, even though it’s a normal main stream HP printer I recently bought in BestBuy. What is wrong with Apple? Not only does it take ages to install the system but in the last steps of installation Apple tries to sell their rip off services to you! First of all you have to enter your name and address. You can not avoid it. I don’t understand how they can demand to know your personal details. I find that very rude. Then you will be asked to sign up for “Mobile Me”, the Apple mail service. Needless to say that I am very happy with the MSN service I am using for years. I did not sign up for Mobile Me of course. At least it was easy to connect the mac to the wireless network, after establishing the internet connection I was very surprised to see that I had to download almost 3GB of software updates! Apple does not seem to have any concept of software size or availability of space on personal computer systems. Why does an upgrade from Quicktime 7.3 to Quicktime 7.4 have to be 160Mb???

Conclusion: The clear winner is Windows Vista. The installation of Vista is quick and easy. The system does the thinking for you and it comes out just right. Well done Microsoft!

2: First steps: Setting up the computer, surfing the web, installing applications, playing music, watching DVD.

Windows Vista: The looks of Windows Vista are great. Glass effects, shadows, beautiful wallpapers and yet the familiar and screen space saving layout we came to love over the years. You feel right at home in Vista. A few adjustments for the mouse speed and I was good to go. The new Service Pack 1 did really improve the overall feel of Vista. It’s even faster and more responsive. The screen or single appls do not freeze, even under the heaviest of usage. One of the reasons might be that Vista is the only system that is based on Microsoft’s NT technology that also made Windows 2000 a winner. The fact that Vista is a native 64bit operating system makes it a competitor that might be hard if not impossible to beat, but let’s see. Surfing the web is fast and safe. All the necessary plugins and security features are already implemented. Vista comes with “Windows Defender” to protect you from spyware and viruses and the Windows Firewall keeps even the most malicious hacker at bay. Because Vista already comes with a whole bunch of important applications out of the box like Wordpad, Notepad, Internet Explorer, Windows Mail, Disk Defragmenter, Disc Cleanup, Paint, Windows Media Player, Windows Calendar, Windows Contacts, Calculator, Windows Live Messenger, Backup and Restore, Movie Maker, Photo Gallery, a bunch of fun games and much much more, it is not necessary to install any additional applications. Vista just works and there is no need to spend more money on costly applications. Incredible value for the money! Needless to say that playing music and watching DVD is also an easy and pleasant experience.

Ubuntu: Because it was not yet possible to get Ubuntu to connect to the internet I can not determine how many software updates are required. Ubuntu seems to work fine though. The startup is taking quite some time but it least the screen doesn’t stay black. Ubuntu is a free operating system and I do know that “free” usually means “no value”. It seems to me that this is exactly the case here. Logging in using my finterprint is not possible because the fingerprint reader does not work. Surfing the web is not possible because there is not internet connection, playing music is not possible because there is not sound. Wait a minute.. Can we watch DVD? No we can’t actually, because Ubuntu does not come with a DVD player and the “Movie Player” does need some kind of codec I can not download because I don’t have an internet connection. Ubuntu seems to be a complete failure.

Mac OS X: I am not a big fan of Apple’s “Brushed Metal” design. Get over it already, Apple! Brushed Metal is out. Glass is in! Nevertheless everything seems to work. Adjusting the mouse speed was not possible tough. I guess the average Mac user has to trust Apple to adjust the mouse speed for them. Very strange. Other adjustment preferences are missing too. Where do I chance the wallpapers, where can I change the screensaver? Surfing the web though seems possible. The browser is called “Safari” and is, you guessed it, brushed metal. Most of the website I visited with Safari were not rendered correctly. Unfortunately it was not possible to install Internet Explorer on Mac OS. Playing DVD was working great. The built in DVD player started up as soon as I put the DVD into the slot in drive. The drive made horrible whining sounds but at least it worked. Not bad. Playing music though is a problem. Apple does not deliver their operating system with the Windows Media Player. It is also not possible to install winamp. After a long while I was able to locate an old version of the Windows Media Player for Mac. Version 4.5. It doesn’t run naively on Mac OS X, you have to run it inside Mac OS 9 which was installed automatically when installing the OS. Very complicated but at least not as bad as Ubuntu.

Conclusion: This is not really a competition. So far it’s more like the “Redmond Operating System Massacre”. Ubuntu and Mac OS X are badly hurt and running from the powerful Vista OS. No really: Everything once again works just fine on Windows Vista. Ubuntu though seems to be out of the race. What can I do with a notebook with no sound and no internet? Please, put them out of their misery already! As for Mac OS X, well you can surf the web and you can watch DVD but I don’t like the fact that you have to startup a 10 year old OS inside the new OS in order to listen to music. That is just not good enough. Sorry. The clear winner is: Windows Vista! Well done Microsoft!

3: Tests: Speed and Security

Windows Vista: Starting up Windows Vista does only take 15 seconds. That includes sliding the finger over the fingerprint reader, which is a great time-saver. It’s a very respectable time. Our security scan also revealed no problem whatsoever. Vista is airtight. An average hacker does not stand a chance against Vista. All ports are closed by the powerful Windows Firewall. Virus infected emails or spam/spyware emails will be caught by Windows Defender. Many years of experience in the field of providing server solutions have given Microsoft the tools and know how to provide a system that can not be harmed by being online. With Vista you are on the safe side. Sure, it’s not free as Ubuntu and it might not be as “hip” in the gay community as a white and shiny Mac but it’s safe and reliable and that is what we all are looking for.

Ubuntu: Starting up Ubuntu takes 165 seconds. That includes to typing in the password instead of using the fingerprint reader. To be honest, as owner of a brand new Lenovo Thinkpad I would find it very hard to accept to not be able to use my hardware properly. There is no way of using up to date hardware on Ubuntu. We also could not determine the internet security of Ubuntu because it was still not possible to establish an internet connection.

Mac OS X: Our mac needs 69 seconds to startup. This also includes the time I need to type in my password. Apple was unable to provide their systems with a fingerprint reader. A call to Cupertino confirmed what we already know. The support agent said: “We are glad we can put out computers that more or less work. We don’t have the technical know how to implement new features.” Shockingly honest and surprisingly sad. Our internet security scan reveals stunning weaknesses. Mac OS X does not seem to have a firewall at all. Attempts to install known applications like Zone Alarm or Norton Firwall also failed. These applications could not even be installed inside Mac OS 9. Mac OS X has a reputation of being a secure OS, we however can not confirm that to be true.

Conclusion: Let’s make this short.. The winner is, once more, Windows Vista! The shortest startup time, flawlessly working finterprint reader, airtight internet security. What more can you want. I guess the competitors Ubuntu and Mac OS X just want to put their head in the sand by now. I would!

Overall Conclusion: May I suggest to rename “Ubuntu Hardy Heron” into “Ubuntu Useless Moron”? I am stunned actually. I was not expecting Ubuntu to be able to keep up with the word leading operating system software, but at least I expected to be able to use the most basic functions we all need to use every day. Ubuntu was not able to do anything other than to be installed. Very bad. Complete failure.

Mac OS is not as bad as Ubuntu but still no example of good programming skills either. I did not like the fact that Apple is shamelessly trying to sell their services. Do you need the money so urgently, Apple? Your products are expensive enough as it is. Why the hustling for money? I was also very disappointed that I needed to install a 10 year old Microsoft application into a 10 year of version of Mac OS which was operation inside the up to date version of Mac OS just to be able to listen to my music. Apple needs to improve the entertainment capabilities of their OS. Bad!

I did honestly not expect the race to be that definitive, but it is. Windows Vista won in every category. Vista is easy to install, it’s real eye candy, it comes with all the important applications you need and love and all the hardware you can ever own is and will be supported by Vista. I have nothing to add except: Congratulations Windows Vista! The soon to be released version of “Windows 7″ will probably leave Microsoft’s competitors even further behind. I for one just can’t wait!

Connie Fairchild

Windows Vista already has a considerable lead compared to the major Linux distributions as well as to Mac OS X. IT specialists confirm that the new Windows will advance Microsoft’s lead in the field of consumer OS even further.

By the way, the design is just stunning! Take a look!

Images courtesy of http://windows7news.com

You might have noticed that my posts have been rather infrequent – the truth is I’ve been giving virtually every spare moment I have to the McCain campaign: We owe it to Jesus to help the Republican party any way we can! We must guarantee another four years of Republican government. And between you and me, when John McCain gets elected I’ve been promised an important role as the new Presidential Data-retention advisor!

As STR’s senior technology correspondent I’m often asked why it is that the open-source freetards have failed to catch-up with even ten-year old mainstream technology such as Windows 2000. While many people suspect the answer is the self-limiting communistic dogma that software has to be free, the truth is far more complex:

A serious examination of Linux will reveal that much of it is built from a hodge-podge of incompatible “scripting languages” rather than real programming languages; this naturally results in sluggish performance and the unpredictability of a bucking-bronco. But what is a scripting language?

Real programming languages such as C++, C# and VB.Net are serious affairs that build highly optimized code suitable for any component of an operating system. Serious products like Microsoft Word and Microsoft’s cmd.exe are built entirely using these solid, trustworthy tools.

On the other hand scripting languages such as “python”, “perl” and “ruby” are built as educational toys or pranks. While they have a place in the hobbyists toolbox, and as lessons in what future language designers should avoid their slow execution and costly memory overhead make them unsuitable for any important or business critical task.

The serious programming languages are noteworthy for their long-lasting appeal: VB.Net is as stable, flexible and easy to learn as the original Visual Basic released almost 15 years ago. On the other hand, new-kid Python is the latest craze amongst open-sourcers despite only having reached version 2.5! The Python language is notorious fror it’s frequently changing, incomprehensible syntax – it’s virtually impossible to make a program that runs in any consistent way for a period of time.

Astonishingly the Linuxers have yet to realize this – many components of Ubuntu and Redhat (two somewhat popular kinds of Linux Kernel) use Python for their package updater – see our previous Linux 8.04 review for just how bad this experience was!

Ultimately, if these Linuxes ever want to grow up and be ready for the world of business they will need to abandon these development fads and embrace what is tried, tested and true. This year Python is the fashonable language, but next year the freetards might decide that Perl is “in” again… and then what next? How can any serious power-user keep up with these rapidly changing bizarrely named tool-chains? The answer is that they will be avoided.

Jimmy G

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The old MySQL logo, designed by the same Linux freaks who gave the world that fat penguin. Once the Sun take-over is complete I doubt we will be seeing much of this dolphin, he will be replaced by Sun’s familiar logo.

Many of our readers are wondering what this corporate power-play means for American business: The answer is that it will not have a significant impact simply because most companies who took time to evaluate which database product to use might have identified the potential threat to business of adopting an open source technology.

According to the Linux fan community, MySQL has a reputation for speed and reliability, however our attempt to independently verify these claims did not confirm what the open-sourcers believe. Within minutes of installing MySQL server on my Windows Vista workstation I experienced a complete system crash. According to Microsoft’s technical support, this crash would almost certainly not have occurred had I been using their SQL server product.

Dolphins harpooned to be eaten as meat – a sight not unfamiliar to residents of savage nations. There are some who claim that certain species of dolphin may become extinct… What does this remind you of?

It seems that this threat has come true; MySQL were once considered a mainstay of the ?Open Source? software movement. They took pride in bundling their software with almost any Linux operating system that was willing to sign-up to their viral GPL license. According to leading industry analysts these caring-sharing days are soon to end as Sun will be looking to monetize their somewhat questionable investment.

MySQL lacks many of the enterprise features of rival database products like Oracle, and Microsoft’s industry standard SQL server. MySQL is seen by most IT professionals as a poor man’s choice on account of the fact that it does not include a modern graphical user-interface (commands must be typed in via an obsolete command kernel). The image above shows MySQL running on a mac – it’s not very impressive is it?

These days businesses have modern tools such as Microsoft Access. Why on earth would anybody prefer MySQL?

Most industry analysts predict that Sun’s MySQL grab will prevent future releases of their product on Linux, Mac and Windows. It’s a giant bait and switch campaign in which customers who got hooked in my MySQL’s summer-of-love free for all, suddenly find themselves with a big bill to pay and nowhere to run:

Customers who wish to continue using MySQL will need to switch to Sun’s expensive hardware and software if they wish to continue operations. It is somewhat questionable how much profit this highwayman strategy will yield. Sun’s operating system is based on UNIX, invented by the SCO Group. Unfortunately, even SCO have been forced to admit that customers no longer want UNIX.

Also, it’s worth pointing out that MySQL is the M in ‘LAMP’ the somewhat popular open-source alternative to Microsoft’s ASP.Net. This could herald the break-up of the once happy LAMP family as giant corporations hurry to strip the assets from this once promising application stack. MySQL are the first to go… what about Perl (the P in LAMP).

Smart businesses will do what Shelley The Republican does: Keep it 100% Windows and keep buying American. It’s the only way to survive in these turbulent times.

Jimmy

The current auto-landscape very much reflects the spirit of the nation who produces the cars. Look at America for example. Proud American brands like Chrysler, General Motors and Ford building cars that are comfortable, big and just make you think: It’s good to be an American!

My former employee Tristan Shuddery once said: “Everything worth owning has been either invented or developed in the USA.” This rings especially true when it comes to cars. Lets take a look at the insignificant rest of the world: They stole a term invented by Apple Inc. which is “Nano” and basically means “Small” or “Tiny” and use it to market their cars! I am talking about the so called “Nano Effect”, the obsession to make everything as small as possible.

Why is it that safety and comfort don’t count to Europeans? The simple answer is: They can’t afford it no more! They refused for years to adopt the American business models of free enterprise and therefore their economy is going down the crapper! It also doesn’t help that they let millions of towelheads into their countries that loot the welfare offices.

Some people say that the German car models we know are not even sold in Germany any more. The average Porsche you know, or the Audi or the Mercedes are only built for the US-market, in Germland however, they have their “Nano-style” models.

Let’s all get down on our knees and thank the Lord and the Leader for keeping the American economy strong and the American spirit vibrant, so we don’t have to suffer the “Nano-effect”. We in America still enjoy all the comfort and luxury we can buy, because God wants us to!

Thanks for reading!

Shelley N. Goodman

I just recently found out that there is actually a Satanic edition of the Linux game called: “Ubuntu”.

Check out the video:

Unnamed sources though say that the goal in this Ubuntu game is to hunt and kill Christians.

This has to stop. As much as I really dislike my former employee Tristan J. Shuddery (may he rest in peace), he was right about the dangers of Linux.

Thanks for reading,
Shelley N. Goodman