A self-confessed libtard writes to Shelley
Friends,
Normally we Christians concern ourselves with matters of importance: Prayer, country and honing our shooting skills. We try to shrug-off the foolish distractions that the secular world throws at usm since they only serve to pull us from the straight and narrow path which the LORD has ordained. So normally, I’d ignore an email such as the one we received the other day… but as I was about to trash it I heard a still small voice urging me not to.
That voice was the voice of Jesus, ringing as clear as a bell in my ears. “Jimmy” he sad, “what have I taught thee about spreading my word – respond to the unrighteous one and teach him the foolishness of his ways”.
I thanked Jesus for this important revelation, and set to work dismantling the steaming pile of folly which I now present to you, dear reader:
Shelley,
I have addressed this email straight to you, because I am intrigued as to your views, your ideology and your way of thinking.
First of all Jimmyboy, Shelly is far too important to be reading damn fool emails like the one you sent in. If you want her to take a moment from her important fund-raising activities you’d better send at least $200. Jesus wants me to deal with your problems.
First, a little about me (I type this in the faith that you do not draw prejudice from it and allow such prejudices to tint your perception of me). I am;
-British
-Fascinated by the culture, language and language of Japan
-Blond
-Interested in, though not a user of, Linux
-a Liberal Democrat (the Liberal Democrats are a British political party)
-Fourteen years old
It’s sad that you are already corrupted at so young an age. If your parents had any godly vision they would immediately send you to one of STR’s annual Bible-camps. Feel free to search our archives for more information about this great way that you can get to know Jesus, your personal LORD and saviour. Only $500 for a full week of advanced Bible study in next year’s camp.
To business;
-I would like to know on what basis you believe America to be “God’s Nation” any more than, say, Israel or Italy.
America IS God’s nation – it says so in the Bible. Israel is also God’s nation – the Jews are keeping it warm for us until the Rapture when Jesus will kick them out and let us Christians take over. Italy? That’s one of those homo-Euro-trash countries? America kicked their asses in the 2nd world war, so they don’t count for shit.
-Do you honestly think that all Germans, all eighty-one million of them, are completely and indisputably evil, even after their discovery of the theory of General Relativity, invention of beer, airbags, cars, toothbrushes, helicopters and jet engines?
It’s not what I think that matters… it’s what JESUS thinks. We simply report what he tells us.
-In your opinion, is Linux against God purely because it is not American? (I think, perhaps, your response may include some reference to communism; why do you associate Scandinavia with communism so?)
Anything un-American is against God’s wishes. That should be enough!
-Why do homosexual acts, committed in private, affect you? And why are the homosexual relationships/marriages of others any of your business?
There’s no such thing as being a private homo. God sees everything and if enough people go gay he will judge us like he judged New Orleans and like how he’s judging Pakistan for being Muslim right now. That’s plain simple biblical logic folks.
-How are African-Americans inferior to white Americans?
Read your bible Jimmy. The Cananite race are cursed by God to be slaves and servants. It’s all in the Good Book… read it and you might understand that God never intended for white folk and black folk to mix. Not my rules… GOD’s rules!
-Why oh why are you against universal healthcare? I, personally, was exceedingly glad to see America following in the footsteps of Europe and the United Kingdom and finally implementing a system which promises to improve life for millions of Americans.
Obamacare is a death-sentence for our preborns and our seniors. Do you want Barack Obama coming to your grandma and shooting her in the head with a cattle-gun? That’s what’s going to happen if Obama and his blackshirts get their way!
Twenty-one percent of American children live in poverty. Sixteen percent of British children do. Respond.
But we have a higher percentage of saved Bible-believing Christians than anywhere else in the world. What does material poverty matter when you have spiritual riches?
To publish your response to this email would clear up issues for me and the rest of the STR readership, and as such be mutually beneficial. Thank you.
Yours sincerely,
James Derbyshire
Staffs, England, UK
Done, and has it been left up to me I’d have just ignored your silly message but I think Jesus has a plan for you. I think today you are going to pick up that old Bible that’s been gathering dust in your home and start reading it. Perhaps you will see sense and turn away from your libtarded ways.
Yours in Christ,
Jimmy Goddard
34 comments
34 Comments so far
Leave a reply
I wish if I give you my letter, you would post it because I think your religion has a plan for me as well?
someone wrote:
“America IS God’s nation – it says so in the Bible.”
Really? Wow!! Seriously?
Ok could you please direct me to that exact scripture? I seem to have missed that part.
Anyway…
I always thought of America (like most countries) as Satan’s to do with as he pleases. Thats because Political Power is SATAN’S to hand out.
Oh and by the way it does say that in the Bible. It really does. And I know right where that is written (hint Jesus was offered that same ‘power’ by Satan).
But that would make the Founding Philosophers, Unitarians, Pelaganists, Arminians, and Deists all tools of the Devil that worshipped “NATURES GOD” which as we all know is not the Christian God.
The bottom line is that if they were Christians they would have mentioned Christianity BY NAME and JESUS by his name in the Founding Documents. They didn’t because they were not Christians. They were however, right straight out of the Age of Reason and Age of the ‘Philosophical’ Enlightenment which is nothing but Satanism.
I was enjoying your article until I realized it was not parody. I am glad we live in a society where everyone can express his or her views, but I do wish that people representing America (or at least think they represent America) presented their views in a well-constructed, researched and logical way. I am embarrassed of my fellow citizens the who believe inflammatory and bigoted statements constitute an argument or dialoged. This blog reaffirms my commitment to fighting ignorance and hatred in this country. I still believe that the Unites States will one day live up to the credo “liberty and justice for all”
Am I the only one who noticed that you did not actually answer the questions posed by this intelligent and politically aware young man?
Oh, and by the way, faith schools in America are on the decline, while one in three schools in Britain are faith-based. So what was that about the “higher percentage of Bible-believing Christians than anywhere else in the world”? Any evidence? Any evidence for any of this that is not based on your INTERPRETATION of the Bible?
It does not say in the bible that America is God’s nation!! And America did not kick Italy’s ass in WW2, they surrendered. Fucking retarded…
“The bottom line is that if they were Christians they would have mentioned Christianity BY NAME and JESUS by his name in the Founding Documents.”
The bottom line is that you are a BASTARD.
You LIE. JESUS HATES YOU. You will BURN FOR THIS.
They were Christians – come on! Read a book!
Only Christians could have possibly founded the CHRISTIAN NATION OF AMERICA!! It’s so obvious!! Are you BLIND!!?
You don’t get apples from an orange tree, do you? NO! NOT UNLESS IT’S BEEN RAPED BY ‘SCIENCE’!
No, you get apples from an Apple tree that was planted with an APPLE SEED. You get Christians from a Christian NATION founded by JESUS through his CHRISTIAN FLOCK who were the FOUNDERS.
How can you possibly argue with this? Why would you want to?
Do you HATE GOD?
YES. And He hates you.
If I could burn you to death, I’d do it in a second, laughing at the gurgling screams of agony that spew from your burning mouth. I’m laughing right now.
“They didn’t because they were not Christians.”
Your lies will be exposed, and you will die for them, once the mighty PROPHET Glenn Beck and the QUEEN OF GOD Sarah Palin take control of this nation.
Do you think your laws will protect you then? To build your mosques on the bleeding graves of AMERICAN BABIES?
You’ll hide behind them, but REMEMBER THE KLAN.
Although the SOUTH was defeated, it was the KLAN who ROSE like TRUE LOYAL SONS and KILLED AS MANY NIGGERS AS POSSIBLE to DRIVE that APE-RACE into DEATH and TERROR.
And thank GOD they did – it was HIS WORK they were doing.
Where do you think this is GOING? This AMERICA thing?
GOD IS COMING.
And not in a few thousand years – but through his CHOSEN WOMAN – SARAH PALIN.
She will be QUEEN and RULE AT HIS SIDE – mark my words.
When she gains power, the law won’t protect people like you.
Speak one word against her, or us, and you’ll be butchered in your homes.
There are legions of men like me willing to wield the knives, and hooks, and guns needed to tear your cheap liberal lies from your tongues by the stump, in the name of JESUS and AMERICA.
FUCK YOU.
WE ARE COMING.
JESUS.
RE: Jeb V
Now I am more confused about who is and who is not using satire. Anyone who refers to Palin as the “QUEEN OF GOD” has to be kidding.
May I offer some constructive criticism? Parody is best when over the top, but keep a clear message. Swift did not ramble in A Modest Proposal. The whole orange tree, apple tree, science rape thing was a good direction, but you could have dropped a few actual facts about the founding fathers. A snarkey comment about how on his deathbed, Washington uttered no words of a religious nature and did not call for a clergyman to be in attendance.
Quotations work well too.
“I trust that there is not a young man now living in the United States who will not die a Unitarian.” Jefferson
“This would be the best of all possible worlds, if there were no religion in it!” Adams
The last part where you threaten violence in the name of “JESUS and AMERICA” might be a little much, but is a great example of extremist contradiction and the illogical thought process of the supposed Christians who make those comments.
You know? I really like the fact that you posted this letter because the arguments this boy uses will convince more people than your own because they’re at least based on FACTS and LOGIC.
And Jeb V: No, not all the Founding Fathers were Christian, Thomas Paine wrote an entire book defending Deism, and Benjamin Franklin (also a Deist) was a freaking Freemason! that’s not very Christian is it? read some AMERICAN history for God’s sake!!!
Thomas Paine was NOT an American founding father. He was an enlightenment thinker, and a BRITISH radical. His ATHEISM meant that on his death he was IGNORED by ALL THE OTHER FOUNDING FATHERS. SIX people went to his funeral, and NONE of them were signatories of the FOUNDING DOCUMENTS.
He was less a founding father, and more a founding uncle who got drunk and abused children.
The less said of him the better.
And the FREEMASONS ARE CHRISTIAN. I swear to God. You people. I bet you’re black. That would explain your stupidity.
Oh, and CAliving? Parody? You wish. Look around. Look around your country, our country. Look what’s happening to it.
The forces of FOX NEWS are sliding knives in the backs of all those liberals, and I delight as they fall.
The greatest orator in the history of the Democrat party has been so relentlessly attacked for his communism and his race – RIGHTFULLY SO – that even though he won a NOBEL PRIZE within a year of taking office, EVEN DEMOCRATS ARE NOW EMBARRASSED TO SPEAK HIGHLY OF HIM!!!!
IT COULDN’T BE MORE BEAUTIFUL!
And you come to me with your effete, weak proclamations that this is parody and that you are safe behind your cynicism?
I laugh in your face. Your cynicism may give you a thrill, an illusion that you are clever and that you are safe, but mark my words, the lies you tell yourself are not bulletproof.
And I don’t need to convince you that I or anyone else here, or Glenn Beck, or Sarah Palin, or FOX are serious. We are serious, and you will find that out soon enough.
Remember the Klan, CAliving.
Remember.
We are coming.
JESUS.
Jeb V:
You are so stupid that you don’t even know that Deism is as opposed to Atheism as Christianity is, Thomas Paine was not an atheist he was a DEIST. DEIST NOT ATHEIST see the difference? the former believes in God, the latter does not!
And Freemasons are not Christians, Freemasons can be Jewish, Christian or any other religion, most of them, like Ben Franklin are not religious they’re just freethinkers and mostly Deist.
This is one of the funniest blogs I have read in a long time.
I appreciate everyone’s ability to free speech. In fact, I think its one of the best things about America. Also, freedom of religion is another founding principle America was made on, which still stands today.
What I fail to understand is how everything non-american is evil. Many people in europe passed on many simple things we use today and take for granted. Secondly, at some point or another, probably in your ancestry you originated from over there… doesn’t that make you evil according you your views?
Another Article:
Ah, Linux. I find it is an awesome system. You are misinformed, and have out of date information. Get a better source of information, and try it out for yourself. It won’t “damn” you, will it? (I didn’t see any warnings about Linux in the bible!) Also… did you even know your website is *running* on linux? (http://shelleytherepublican.com/phpinfo.php)
Hi – I know the Bible very well, I was in a convent school and have it on my table at home since decades. Most of the Americans don`t agree with your ultra-right american propaganda. You say, God is talking to you. This is not God, it is just your Ego. If you would get a message from God, you can feel it in your heart only!! He don`t talk in words to you. Ask different preachers – if anyone of you would love God – you would never write such articles. This is propaganda only….not more!
Peter Vienna
Re Jeb V:
I offered some constructive criticism of your writing, that you seem to not know how to accept. Remember that criticism is how we improve and grow as writers. Whether you are writing parody or not it is important to be clear. Discussion and debate are among the greatest tools we have in this democracy, but it is difficult to have a dialogue if one party cannot articulate his or her argument in a concise way. For example you wrote
“And I don’t need to convince you that I or anyone else here, or Glenn Beck, or Sarah Palin, or FOX are serious. We are serious, and you will find that out soon enough.
Remember the Klan, CAliving.
Remember.
We are coming.
JESUS.”
It is unclear what the reader is to infer from “…you will find that out soon enough. Remember the Klan…” and illustrative example may guide me to what I should remember about the Klan. There seems to be an implied connection between Beck, Palin, Fox and the Klan. If you believe there is a connection you should back up the implication with facts. If not perhaps you should distance these figures and organizations from the radical group. Lastly, the passage comes across as a veiled threat of violence. If violence is your intent and you wish to make it known, pussy footing gives your threat an ineffective impotence. I would suggest scrapping the air of violence. It detracts from you credibility, already suffering from your lack of fact checking. Moreover if your intent is to frighten your detractors, then you are committing an act of terrorism.
I hope you can accept these suggestion in the constructive spirit in which they are offered. I would like to elevate the quality of online discussion.
I like how this 14 year old kid has a better grasp on reality than you.
Well, I have just the perfect diagnostic for Jeb V!!!!!
There is a mental illness that makes the so-called “individual” (let us remember that these types of people are NOT considered humans by the bible) reject objective reality and denies it, creating a world of his own in delusion. THis mental illness is PSYCHOSIS. We have here a non-individual who lives in delusion.
Suck on that, biatch!
The bible is fake.
You guys are all being trolled to fuck and back
Shame. A 14 year old kid has more sense than you. Also America was founded way after the bible. So how could it be in the bible? Oh right! I’m using that evil thing called LOGIC. How dare I use commmon sense and what I learnt in school against you!
AGE OF THE AETHIEST!!!
As I read through all of this, both the blog entry and the comments, I wonder how much of this people would say out loud and face-to-face. Interesting.
Ever wonder how people always seem to know what God hates and doesn’t hate?
God may just as well hate Republicans. If I was God, I know I would… no offense to the republicans reading this, but I would…
Reason one. the 10 commandments… one in particular Thou shalt not judge…
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone…
That will be all…
This is my 2nd favourite website. I love my Shelleyganda even more than Stanlin news!
I hate when people say god told them to hate someone. Yet you say god is all loving. The reason people loved Jesus was becouse he did love everyone. While im not christion, i do beleive Jesus was a great persona nd we can all learn from him, he helped the sick in a time when if you were sick, you were evil. He help them without ever asking why they were sick. He taught love, and you are useing a book, the bible that is full of good messuges and useing it for hate. If people like you go to heaven, and people like me hell, then will i woould much rather good to hell anyway, cuz thats were all the half way desent people will be. I respect your right to beleave what ever you want, but keep it to your self people have feeling. think how they feel when they read something like this! I bet you think they desrive it, but in my ming they dont. You the type of person im fighting.
I hope you dont have kids, becouse i feel sorry for anyone who has to live in a house so full of hate, and we dont need more people like you in the world.
I’m laughing at you, seeing how a 14 year old has more common sense than you do! If I’m wrong, feel free to correct me, but doesn’t God love EVERYONE? Yes, including Jews, Europeans, and *le gasp!*, even Muslims! You are an ignorant, racist retard who is poisoning our world.
I personally think that Germans are good Christian people. The United States of America is not MY country, Israel is My country. I was born there and I died there for YOUR sins.
First of all:
It was a German monk who invented protestanism.
Jesus was a Jew.
I live in Britain, and free health care does not make David Cameron run in and shoot my grandma in the head.
The Liberal Democrats are in a coalition with the Conservatives over here. A bit baffling Shelley?
And now, my favourite part of the day… All inventions non-American!
Fire
The Wheel
The Spear
The Arrow
Horse Riding
Democracy
Republic
Glass
Christianity
Islam
Judaism
Bhuddism
Hinduism
Freedom of Speech
The Car
The Phone
The Camera
And to finish off, of course Shelley believes that it was British colonies that found America (Columbus ‘discovered’ it) but guess what? It was Viking soldiers under Erik the Red, who found Newfoundland! (Guess where? Canada.)
When I read this, I was suprised at how suprisingly different you are from me. You’re racist, homophobic, and you’re one of those… Annoying christians who severely overdo religion. I hate all 3 of them. Haaaaaaate.
This is the third blog I’ve read on this site. I’ve gone from complete disbelief, to extreme hate, to strange amusement.
I say this because I now know that all of the regular users who promote this site as a true message are seriously retarded. Your parents must have thrown you against the wall and fed you rat poison and plant fertilizer. Unending hate is the only way you can communicate with the outside world!
It’s okay though, we forgive you. Someone will be over to your houses with a euth-bullet momentarily. Please hold still. :)
wow. you actually didn’t answer any of his questions properly. you know what? i think his pinky finger is smarter than all of you.
I sincerely hope that this is pure troll. It’s funny how he trashes Italy, while it is home to the pope…
“He taught love, and you are useing a book, the bible that is full of good messuges and useing it for hate.”
Actually, if you read the Old Testament, there are some shocking things that would probably not qualify as “good messuges”. For example, God sends plagues (10 in all) to devastate the Egyptians in order to convince Pharoah to release the Israelites, then hardens his heart so he won’t. Either A) He’s stupid, or B) He’s a sadist. Those are the only reasons for causing needless suffering. And that is just ONE example of God’s “love”.
By the way, i’m not a God-hater, i’m simply correcting your view of the Bible.
For more biblical “goodness”, visit http://www.ebonmusings.org/atheism/atrocities.html
YOU GO JIMMY!!! YOU ROCK!!! good boy’s grow up to be kind and strong men that can think for themselfs and read the bible and see what it says for themselfs! PS. remember that you are reading a “king James” bible that was interpreted by some 15th centtuary monk for his king at the time…and not the REAL bible.
Ah, how I love reading this troll-ish blog of Trolliness. :D
“God” never mentioned america in the bible. “God” never siad that the Germans were evil. america only came in right at the end of WW2 AFTER thousands of people had died. They were shit compared to, say, England.
So, if you americans stop being selfish and invest in healthcare, President Obama will shoot old ladies. That doesn’t even resemble sense.
Spiritual riches my ass. Spiritual riches won’t stop you starving to death or “disrespecting america” by being of benifits and “wasting your taxes” which you say should be used for killing gay people. You spout shit about spiritual riches while sitting in your warm, ceb=ntral heated house. Go die, you fucking retard.