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A Statement From The Board On The Actions Of Misguided Hero, Scott Roeder

It has come to the attention of the Board of Directors of Shelley The Republican that certain homosexual, liberal and other such European-oriented persons have attempted to smear our pristine reputation as defenders of ALL life with the base and baseless insinuation that, in some way, we were responsible for the death of the immoral mass murderer, George Tiller the Baby Killer.

Nothing could be further from the truth

After deep consultation with our lawyers, we can state plainly, conclusively and legally that according to the laws of the state of Iowa and the broader laws given by God to the United States of America, none of the staff of Shelley The Republican has any legal, moral or theoretical culpability in Scott Roeder’s decision to follow God’s wise plan and discontinue the career of a genocidal monster.

It should be noted that

1) None of the staff or related PACs, groups or clubs have provided monetary assistance to The Army of God, Operation Rescue or any other commonly known defenders of pre-born rights for at least the past fiscal quarter.  All efforts to defend pre-borns have been carried out by our own STR Ladies Against The Pre-born Genocide 5013c organization.

2) Scott Roeder has not monetarily contributed to ShellyPAC for at least the past three months which, according to the bylaws, dictate that he could not legally refer to himself as a "member" of ShelleyPAC.  Any reference he may or may not have made has no legally binding status with regard to our 5013c incorporation.

3) Scott Roeder has not monetarily contributed to STR Ladies Against The Pre-born Genocide for at least the past three months which, according to the bylaws, dictate that he could not legally refer to himself as a "member" of STR Ladies Against The Pre-born Genocide .  Any reference he may or may not have made has no legally binding status with regard to our 5013c incorporation.

4) Scott Roeder has not monetarily contributed to the Pray For George Tiller’s Death Prayer Circle for at least the past three months which, according to the bylaws, dictate that he could not legally refer to himself as a "member" of Pray For George Tiller’s Death Prayer Circle.  Any reference he may or may not have made has no legally binding status with regard to our 5013c incorporation.

5) None of the staff or related PACs, groups or clubs received or initiated contact with Scott Roeder since the time he made the decision to follow God’s wise plan and discontinue the career of a genocidal monster.

Furthermore, we at Shelley The Republican strongly condemn the fake-President’s decision to spend our tax dollars on FBI agents to defend other baby killers and genocidal perverts from the wrath of God.  Rather than going after peaceful, law-abiding Christians we suggest, instead, that he spend that money defending God-fearing Christians from the attacks of islamo-facists and homosexuals.

We also demand that he form a commision to look into his immediate impeachment.

In Jesus’ Name

Newton Wilcox
Board of Directors
Shelley The Republican

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3 Comments so far

  1. Philly June 9th, 2009 1:01 AM

    So, you weren’t at all related and do not condone the murder, but you support it fully? That’s oxymoronic.

  2. Ste June 10th, 2009 1:41 PM

    So all you appear to of proved to me is that the murdering scum allegedly had no connection to you and yours for the last 3 months which appear to be the bare minimum requirements – please someone correct me if i am wrong not knowing your country’s legal system- so did the killer have any connection to you before say 4 months or 6 months before? Are you trying to connect yourselves and this silly satirical site to this for publicity value or to deny any possible -and am not saying it is in this case- influence sites like this have on unstable people?

  3. Gabriel September 4th, 2009 11:32 AM

    Ste,

    The only influence this site has on unstable is to motivate them to post angry comments, which prove that they can’t recognize SATIRE.

    The only thing sadder than the fact that some readers have no sense of humor, is that other sites post drivel like this and actually mean it.

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