The Stink of Vermont
Friends,
The other day my daughter had some of her friends sleeping over. I noticed to my horror that one of the kids had brought a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Ice-cream. “Young girl”, I asked sternly, “where did you get this from?”
“From the Mall,” She replied – “I saved up my week’s allowance so we could all share it”.
Obviously these kids had not read the news about the abomination and travesty of the constitution which had been unleashed in the formerly great-state of Vermont. I undertood that these kids need to keep their innocence until the day they are married, but just then Jesus helped me realize how I could teach these young girls a powerful life-lesson that they would remember for the rest of their lives.
“Give me that tub of ice cream”, I said to the young girl, “So tell me about this stuff?”
“It’s got chocoloate and cones -”
“And nuts and vanila”, chimed in another girl.
“It’s real tasty”, said a third, “can we have it back?”
“Not just yet – now let me just set the ice-cream down here. Kids, do you know where this stuff is made?”, I asked.
“Vermont”
“Yes, that’s right – it comes from a place far away in the north-east called Vermont where only a few weeks ago they ruled that homosexuals should be given the right to marry just like your mommy and daddy. That means in the state of vermont they all think your mommy and daddy are queers… so lets just heap a bunch of these cigarette butts into your ice-cream to represent the faggots and homos who are fornicating in that corrupted state”
“Next, just think about all the sinfulness that’s going on right now in Vermont. I can just imagine Jesus looking down and seeing all that sin going on and shedding a tear. Molly, wont you fetch me that cat-litter tray? I’m going to add a heap of this dirty cat-litter to the ice-cream to represent all the sin and godlessness in Vermont”
“Finally, take a look at the fellow on the carton – I ain’t going to say his name just in case you kids get crazy ideas, but let me just say that he went on TV and mocked George W. Bush, the greatest president that ever lived. Suzie, what do you call a fellow who betrays his president at a time of war?”
“Uh… a rat?”
“Exactly!”
And with that I fetched up the remains of a rat which the cat had dragged into our house that morning, placing it on top of the cigarette-buts, dirty kitty-litter and the melting ice-cream.
“So girls, do you want your ice-cream back?”
“No way mister Goddard” they all cried in unison – they had truly learnt their lesson. But have you? What would you say if an aquaintance of yours offered you a scoop of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream? Would you eat it or reject it? According to the Bible the correct thing to do is to thow it in the garbage:
Next time somebody offers you a scoop of Ben & Jerry’s vermont Ice-Cream, imagine they just asked to sodomize you and your kids while videoing it for a “gay interest” channel watched by French homos . Then tell them what you think about it.
Yours in Christ,
Jimmy Goddard
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Hey Jimmy. Thank you for your insightful analysis. I always kne w something was wrong with Ben and Jerry’s, you just confirmed it wasn’t without reason. I currently eat mostly unilever ice cream. While it is not as homosexual as B&J’s, it is kind of made in Europe i suppose, which is not good cause they are godless commies. Could you please suggest some other more christian family-oriented ice cream brand?
SO basically, you ruined their ice-cream and din´t even gave them a substitute. Congratulations, Mr. Goddard, you are truly a jerk. I mean I can be pretty mean and snippy quite a lot of the time, but stealing a kids ice-cream is even below my standards.
Oh yeah, this entire association crap is also stupid.
Meh, this whole thing isn´t even enwsworthy. Now what´s newsworthy is, that Alberto Gonzalez and 5 other high ranking officials of the Bush government are to face war crime charges in Spain after some moron kidnapped a couple spaniards, put the into Gitmo and tortured them.
That´s gonna be fun. Spanish courts can afaik even declare you guilty in absentia, which would mean that those guys would never again be able to travel into any other western country, lest they get collarred like good ol´ Pinochet. Adn unlike the Generallissimo, they´re a bit too young to fake senility o get off charges.
Wow. This is a new low for you. A brand new low I didn’t think was possible.
You really are so full of hate you are probably the most unpleasant man i have ever had the misfortune to of come in contact with. Fancy treating those children like that. I pity you i feel so sorry for you.
You are the most evil wicked nasty hateful bile filled creature i have had the misfortune to come across. I PITY YOU AND FEEL SO SORRY FOR YOU. Imagine taking ice cream away from children! Let them make when they are old enough their own choices.
wow holy shit, jesus christ holy shit goddamn Jimmmy you are a nutcase and asshole.Get over it GAY MARRIAGE IS GOING TO BE LEGAL ACCROSS THE WHOLE U.S. EVENTUALLY.
When Gays and Lesbians marry Love wins and when love wins everyone wins
FUCK THE GODDAMN RAPTURE!!!!
Uh, I don’t think y’all recognize a put-on when you read it. Calm down.
Your quite right lulu having read the post again having the props to illustrate his point at hand etc- not sure if coincidence or not cigarettes are commonly known as ‘fags’ here in the UK so the butts representing gays clever or accident- but i do believe if its not true he really would do that sort of thing if he thinks he is protecting his kids
Ste, I can assure you that this story is true: I am a Christian which means God has told me to never bear false witness. Everything on this site is God’s truth.
JG
Well, I can’t agree with Jimmy any more because he put down Colbert. Well, I never agreed with Jimmy to begin with, so nothing of value was lost.
Vermont is also an open carry (no permit required) state! All you liberal gun control freaks can still have a reason to hate Vermont!
Goodness gracious, what are you stupid Christians teaching your children?
Homosexual marriages are highly controversial so I won’t go into them right now, but quite frankly that “lesson” was pathetic.
Prejudism is frowned upon by your so called man on a cloud and prejudism is exactly what you did.
Just because one state allowed homosexual marriages, it does not make that state corrupted, it just makes it different from your state.
Just because you don’t like it, it doesn’t mean everyone else has to bow down to you.
EVERYone is entitled to an opinion
Including your children, good sir, and you hammering into their brains what they should and shouldn’t believe in is BAD parenting.
Sam.
This is the true face of Jimmy Goddard. Know it and hate it!
Realmente estas loco “republicano”.
This entire site is great, and makes me feel Jesus’s love is everywhere!
You…
Why…
Ice…Cream?
Jackass.
(This is the fredom blog and i am using my constitutional right, the freedom of speech)OK…so you took Ice Cream, put it in cat litter, and then put a dead rat in it?? (like EVERYONE has dead rats lying around the house to use as an example) Ok, first off, Ben and Jerry’s ice cream company was founded and ran by christians, maybe not as psychotic as you, but christians in the least. Colbert did mock Bush, but for a good reason, Bush is a retard. He sent my friends to get tortured and killed in a country that had nothing to do with 9-11 for only one reason…oil. Ok, now third and finally, Vermont did pass a law letting homosexuals get married, good for them. EVERYONE has rights, whether they are black, white, male, female, GAY, or straight. Do you know what this country was founded on? Freedom from opression, people settled this country so they could get away from countries that would kill people for their diffrent beliefs and now what are you doing? You are trying to turn this country into the same things that our fore fathers were getting away from. People fall in love, dosn’t matter if its a man falling in love with a woman, man falling in love with a man, or woman falling in love with a woman. We should ALL have rights to get married. I am a straight man, I was born and raised a christian, and I have lived my life by the quote (from the Bible) Judge not, lest ye be judged. You don’t want gays to be married? Now look at what would happen if the tables were turned and straight people were not allowed to be married?
John, since when is there conscription in the US? You friend wasn’t sent, he went there voluntarily and got paid for his work.
Thanks to this post i will start buying gay/gay friendly products stick with British and European brands and never knowingly buy american goods i will refuse to eat in mcdonalds and to have anything that is connected to wal-mart.
Ste, i suggest you also trow your PC out of the window and cut the internet cables, cause you know where that technology is coming from. But hey, let’s bring it to the logical conclusion. Since gay marriage is an attack on judeo-christian morality and values why not stop using any product of western civilization as a protest? Take note, that there weren’t any significant intellectual or technological achievements outside of the western civilization for like 500 years now and this will leave you with little ecept for bombs or a turban.
Maybe i am misundertanding the reply but you seem to think i am boycotting american goods – as much as is possible- as a protest against gay marriage? Actually i SUPPORT GAY MARRIAGE i dislike republican happy clappy christian bigots that give the country a bad name and make the Americans i know ashamed of their country. Ps i am not using a pc but a phone made in China using a European phone company to access the internet which correct me if i am wrong was ‘invented’ by a British man. Why i am getting so annoyed by this spoof site i really couldnt tell you Arrrrgh!
You are a villain.
but with a delicate brain operation i can cure your criminal tendencies, and you can return to society fully productive and unaware of your criminal past.
Lol lobotomising JG dont know about a delicate operation may need a sledge hammer to knock this crap out of him
You should be shot in the head for doing that to ICE CREAM just because the state votes on allowing gay rights
You know what I am about to have this site shut down because of all the crap posted on it Post Opions is one thing Post Lies and showing how you mist treat kids is another
this site should be illegal and should be shut down
You are sickening. What a truly awful lesson to teach your children. Jesus certainly doesn’t love those who hate people for loving the same sex.
This has got to be a joke right? No one can be this demented. Think about it, god doesn’t exist, you’re making yourself and others around you unhappy in the name of a delusion.
BTW – knowing that god doesn’t exist doesn’t mean that you’re degenerate, most people are perfectly kind and reasonable without having to be so bigoted.
You sir are a cunt!
remind me to give north korea your address, they’re looking for a new test site.
You are TERRIBLE! Honestly, you think just because a man’s views are different than yours you should go shoving their ice cream away from a little girl that isn’t even YOURS? You’re insane. You’re crazy. The Bible doesn’t say that you should take away a girl’s ice cream.
I can’t believe you stole a little girl’s tub of ice cream because it was from Vermont!!! You’re a disgusting loathsome creature.
I don’t think anyone could possibly be more ignorant than you.
Next time you want to post on this site, imagine that you are about sodomize everyone and their kids while you video tape it for a “gay interest” channel watched by French homos . Then you think about it making a post on this piece of shit.
This is hilarious. You’re getting rid of your daughters’ hope of having friends. “Did you learn a lesson?”, if I were you’re daughter’s friend I would think ” Yes, I did. My friend’s dad is a total freak.”
But that was ICE CREAM! ICE CREAM, DUDE!
God, you’re so stupid that I wouldn’t be surprised if my eyes started to bleed just from reading such foolishness.
Oh, anyways. Lots of French are very religious. I am.
ok, wish i could post this on every article like this, but think about it: you repress one part of the population, like gay people and people for gay rights, and only the straight people are happy. but no repression means that at some point everyone’s happ, straight or gay. and what the hell does ice cream have to do with gay people and god? even if that girl hadn’t bought it, then someone else would have. and you basically stole. you took the ice cream without the girls consent and destroyed it. one more question. why would ur god not want gay people to be together, but then want no one to be judged, then want peace all at the same time! and him saying men shouldn’t marry men, or vice versa, then he’s judging, and therefore not even following hes own word. you people make no sense anymore. i’m tired of having god shoved in my face.
I just ran across this and read what this “Christian” man was trying to help teach his child and friends. Nobody shouldn’t get mad at him for trying to do the right thing in his mind. Here is my question: As a Christian, why do you hate? As a Christian, why must you judge? I understand your emotions towards gay marriage, but that does not justify you hate!
so in a few words, you´re fucking your kids minds so that they´ll be as sickly conservative and narrow minded as you.
we are all lucky that uncivilized, primitive, barbaric people like you really have become a minority in the United States. I mean, you´ll never be part of the mainstream movement ever again. you are already defeated.
hey are u gay??? im sure u r and im sorry u have childrens cause they must be demonds like u… and i really feel sorry for ur woman cause she must have sex with a gay depressed man im sorry for u ,cause at leats i have a couple for more than one night and he and me loves each other and we have been also having our good times not nesesarly as u mencioned gay people do… and im sure u think i must be a bad person but let me tell u if ur that cristian are u seeing me as ur brother??? cause i still accept u and i see u as a brother im sorry if ur not cause ur going to helland stop thething with the ice cream they surely are not getting aids the one thats gona kill this “family” is u :D
Wow! I hate this site but I can’t get off it because it is so hilarious! Come on! taking away ice cream that a little girl saved her allowance to buy! putting a rat, cat poop and cigarette butts in it and then asking them if they wanted it back! Are you mentally deranged?! Forget about the entire homosexual part but taking ice cream from a kid! How low can you go?!
PS: Where did you get those cigarette butts anyway?
Errrr….thou shalt not steal?
Dude. You are seriously fucked in the head.
Hahahahahaha!
You bible-bashers make me fucking laugh!
You claim that us “gays” will go and burn in hell – well I’ll see you there then!
If there is a God, I’m pretty sure he’s gunna beat the shit out of you before you go to Hell because quite frankly, YOU abuse and insult the bible more than us homosexuals.
Remind me again, isn’t this the bible that says “Love thy neighbour?” I didn’t realise there was an invicible bit at the end that said “…unless they’re gay!”
Oh, and isn’t wrath one of the seven deadly sins? Hmm, because you don’t sound very peaceful when you’re preaching gay people should be killed.
You religious freaks are living one big lie!!! The bible is a book made up of stories written over time. It is written by one person and therefore it is one person’s opinion – that YOU live by! The bible isn’t God’s autobiography. He didn’t drop it on Earth for Adam and Eve to use as a handbook!
Oooh, and while we’re on Adam and Eve…how many children did they have? Two. Kain and Abel. Hmm…two sons. Where are the girls? OOOOH, so you mean to say that in order for them to expand humanity they had to shag their own mother! Hmm silly me, I always thought incest was a sin.
You need to get a fucking life and realise that the bible is STORIES just like Harry Potter and Lord Of The Rings, it is NOT a handbook to humanity and life!
WTFF?
Here’s me looking for B&J icecream flavours and I stumble upon this shit?
I didn’t even realize people like you still exsisted, nevermind blogged.
Have you seriously got something wrong with you?
Crazy homophobe.
Wow. This has opened my eyes to what crazy fuckers are out there. God.
This is bullshit. Your views on homosexuals is descriminatory and absolutely wrong. You should be ashamed of yourself and I hope karma comes and bites you in the balls. This is repulsive and disgusting and while the world moves on in a progressive (look it up!) manner, you will be left in the dark that is your right-wing shit.
This is repulsive and disgusting and while the world moves on in a progressive (look it up!) manner, you will be left in the dark that is your right-wing shit.
Leviticus 18:22 ‘You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination.’
This article is one of the most informative and well-researched ever done by STR – little Jimmy really outdid himself on this one, and if you’re somehow troubled by this then maybe you might want to show some more appreciation for Jesus!
Always Right
Ok, Charles Roast III, you want to quote the bible then how about “Love thine neighbor” Or how about this quote: “Judge not lest ye be judged”? That is exactly what you bible thumpers are doing, judging, and if you want to live your life fully by the scriptures, than I guess everyone on here is getting judged. (Its also bad that people who are not Christian knows more about the bible than the “Christians” do)
Johnny Boy, eaten at red lobster recently? Worn any synthetic clothing?
More more thing, Johnny, your myspace says you are Wiccan, so put your bible away.
Honestly, this article makes me sick, totally pathetic, there’s no other word for it, it’s just utterly pathetic. James above me, you’re pathetic too, a judgmental freak, I don’t care if you’re Christian or what, you’re a prejudiced, terrible man and you, Charles Roast III and Jimmy Goddard are the one’s at the lower end of society, not homosexuals, this kind of thing just makes me angry, how absolutely STUPID some human beings can be.
This is Planet Earth, not your little dream world, live in reality and MOVE ON from 2000 Years ago. Please.
If you had a dollar for every comment that was left as a response to your insightful rant then you would have $49 dollars to buy some more vermont ice-cream. wouldn’t that be nice.
so heres some man love for you, see it as a thank you for sharing your technique of making your own children narrow minded.
I am 100% against gay marriage and reading the bible on my own, not much of a sinner and I think the insight on the VT ice cream is way over the top. I know God will judge each of us but rather teach your children hate, why not talk about how some people are lost, confused and we are all sinners, over a tub of ice cream. There are gays and sinners in every state that don’t wash their hands before work, you better buy a farm and grow a garden if you don’t want corrupt people to package your food. Spend less time loving yourself, your child and sinners rather than point out all of their faults. You are the reason people stray from religion, you are right but your approach is all wrong. Compassion and understanding is 100% necessary even though you and I are not treated with it. You are blessed with faith, many are not, use it in a positive and influential way, for everyone’s sake…
*spend more time loving yourself, your child and sinners…oops
First Pokemon…then Mario then ICE CREAM?!?
What are you going to do next?
Another humourous article about Ed Edd n Eddy?? Legend of Zelda? FREAKIN’ KIRBY? Or maybe…YOUR MOTHER?