Jesus vs Pokemon, part 2: The Pokemon casualties
Friends,
Yesterday I told you about a close friend of ours whose son was saved from almost certain moral turpitude by the power of prayer. For every child who is saved from damnation hudreds are allowed to continue their involvment with Pokemon – the crazy addictive kid-cult that kills. Let us now explore some of the unfortunate consequences of growing-up without Christian moral guidance – as you can see, the results are profoundly shocking:
By the age of 9, most Pokemon-players (or poke-maniacs) begin to develop horrendous nightmares: Every night they are haunted by visions of the ungodly creatures such as Pikachu. According to the pokemon cartoons, this hideous monstrosity stuns and kills it’s prey by shooting electric-shocks from it’s tail and cheek-patches. Kids are programmed to think that if they do not obey Mr. Pikachu he will come for them in the night and devour their helpless bodies, thus “evolving” them into “Ghastly” – the “Ghost Pokemon”.
By the age of 13, most children who have been substantially exposed to Pokemon begin to develop dangerous anti-social habits. The lucky few become withdrawn and reclusive, however the vast majority show worse tendencies: Some experiment with homosexuality, others may rebel against Christianity, converting to Islam or worse: Atheism. If not placed in a caring, Christian home the teenage Pokemon fan is on a one-way ticket to hell.
Mewtoo – the psychic cat: In order to collect this Poke-man, kids must attend a Nintendo “roadshow” where they are made to pledge allegiance to the King of Japan in return for receiving this UR (Ultra-Rare) character. Children are told that if they betray the blood-oath, a horde of pokemon will smash their brains.
This young woman has turned her back on the Christian institution of marriage. This sort of indecent behavior is normal in the pagan land of Japan – but do we really want to import their foreign vices into our godly land?
True pokemon fans like to cos-play: In this case the wearing what is known as a “fur-suit”. This blue monstrosity is yet another of the 250 pokemon – so rare that it has not even been given a name by Nintendo, nor does it appear in the game manual. Kids are told that they will be able to obtain it once they walk out of their family and renounce Jesus.
Pokemon is famous for it’s trans-gender characters. In this case, “Ash” the main character of the first series is what is commonly known as a “ladyboy”. This outlandish outfit is a common atire for prostitutes on the streets of Japan. Would you really want your kids wearing these kinds of clothes?
I’m sure you can see, there is more to this Pokemon craze than it’s pushers are willing to admit. If you want to save your children ending up like these unfortunates, then it’s time to take action:
- If you see that your child has collected pokemon games or trading cards, destroy them. Jesus will give you strength.
- Please donate your money, and your kid’s savings to the STR fund for the eradication of all pokemon. Together we can keep our kids clean.
- Do not underestimate the power of prayer: Jesus told us everything we know about Pokemon. If you pray for wisdom soon you can be as wise as us.
Yours in Christ,
Jimmy Goddard
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Uh…this sounds more like a plea for money at the end. The children’s savings? Now that’s just cruel and unusual puinishment.
Several thing f-ed up with your article
1) Japan never had a king. The had an emperor, and he holds little to no political power now. Pledging to him would mean nothing. Most Japanese would look at you and think you’ve lost it if you do.
2)The game that targets children audiences are usually very friendly, even with fighting. No one dies, just faints from too much damage or something like that, I haven’t played in years, I forget.
3)Usually all you have to do for the “Ultra Rare” Pokemon is attend some gaming convention where som guy downloads it into the game cartridge. Boom done. Nothing else you may go.
4) I think I saw that blue suited thing in a morning educational show back in Britain when I was touring. No relation to Pokemon. Next time use a real picture, and the flamers will go down by at least 20% right there.
5)”This young woman has turned her back on the Christian institution of marriage. This sort of indecent behavior is normal in the pagan land of Japan – but do we really want to import their foreign vices into our godly land?”
That woman probably knows Christianity only as that religion people in the west follow fanatically. Her behavior is considered ‘otaku’ which is looked down on even there. Most Chirstianity was pushed out of Japan in the Feudal Era when some warlord gathered up those faithful the the Christian religion and had them spit on tiles carved with the face of Christ on them before killing them in some gruesome way. Their religion is not ‘pagan’, pagans were druids that existed in Britain during the Roman Empire. And many of their ‘vices; is what allow them to have an economy better than the U.S.
6) The main japanese religion is Buddhism, which last I checked was monotheistic, or close to it. Even Christianity cannot claim that with all the saints it has. If even the name of a saint is uttered as a prayer or curse, they are worshipped. And like the foundation of Christianity, Buddhism was meant to be enlightenment and peace.
7)”Pokemon is famous for it’s trans-gender characters. In this case, “Ash” the main character of the first series is what is commonly known as a “ladyboy”. This outlandish outfit is a common atire for prostitutes on the streets of Japan. Would you really want your kids wearing these kinds of clothes?”
8)No, that isn’t considered a ladyboy. Just a cosplay costume, nothing else. And no, sluts in japan do not dress that way. They even more scantily clad than American whores. That is just more cosplay.
Thank you, STR, really thank you. I thank you for providing me with daily amusement, I used to read comedy blogs to have fun, but the outrageous bullshit posted every day on this blog this is just so unbelievably hilarious that I sometimes doubt even you are as stupid as you sound. There’s just no way someone can be this ignorant and bigoted without being funny.
As I said before, thank you STR, for making me laugh my pants off.
you got proof of pokeman being dangerous you stupid douchebag if not then shut the fuck up and go read that piece of fiction they call the bible or shove it up your ass.
Thank God for STR.com. How many more bombs do we need to drop on this yellow peril before they get the message?
I’m sure Homobama won’t do anything about this menace. John McCain sure had no problem bombing the asian hordes. And I bet lovely Sarah Palin would have happily pressed whatever buttons it takes to protect the children.
But now we’ve got the Homobama/Piglosi/Reidtard axis that wants nothing more than to murder innocent womb babies. And I bet the so-called “president” (selected by the LIEberal MSM) has Poke-a-man on his Gooseberry.
How long before STR.com is taken down by these evil libtards?
STR.com gets an A+++ from this freedom loving American. Let freedom reign!
God bless you Psycheout. I pray that we can continue to bring satisfaction to friends like you.
“the crazy addictive kid-cult that kills”
I´ve yet to hear of any such case, unlike with christianity, which has a rather bad track record.
“Every night they are haunted by visions of the ungodly creatures such as Pikachu. According to the pokemon cartoons, this hideous monstrosity stuns and kills it’s prey by shooting electric-shocks from it’s tail and cheek-patches.”
Except that nobody gets killed in the cartoons. Ever. And that Pikachu is apparrently a plant-eater.
“Mewtoo – the psychic cat: In order to collect this Poke-man, kids must attend a Nintendo “roadshow” where they are made to pledge allegiance to the King of Japan in return for receiving this UR (Ultra-Rare) character.”
Bull. Can be just as well found in the game, although it is pretty much the hardest to find.
“This sort of indecent behavior is normal in the pagan land of Japan – but do we really want to import their foreign vices into our godly land?”
You always did, do it now and will ever do it.
“Pokemon is famous for it’s trans-gender characters. In this case, “Ash” the main character of the first series is what is commonly known as a “ladyboy”.”
Another time: Bull. Definitely male. Period.
The German Guy
It’s so easy to demean a land that’s thousands of mile away isn’t it? That’s what was done back in the Dark Ages to insight the Crusades and look what happened there. A slaughtering of both sides.
Just how do you guys manage to keep making up this crap? If anyone is possessed by demons its gotta be the STR people.
1: Thing about nightmare, haha, and what study sis that come from?
Pikachu is not a monter, it’s a little mouse and if you even think about saying mice are monsters, what about Disneys Mikey? which I’m sure you approve of since he’s american.
And pokemon don’t kill, when they fight the loser doesn’t die, just faints.
2: Mewtwo is found in the game, there are of course other pokemon that are obtained from a download at a roadshow but all you need to do to get it is go to the show with your game, nothing else, no blood oaths or anything… and like mentioned before Japan has an Emperor not a King, if you can’t even get these basics correct you have no right to write articles on subjects that you obviously do not fully understand
3:
“This young woman has turned her back on the Christian institution of marriage.”
All religions have a form of marriage, marriage is not exclusive to Christianity
“This sort of indecent behavior is normal in the pagan land of Japan – but do we really want to import their foreign vices into our godly land?”
Their not forcing their beliefs into “your land” yet I get the feeling you’d have no problem trying to force your beliefs into their country.
4:
“This blue monstrosity is yet another of the 250 pokemon – so rare that it has not even been given a name by Nintendo”
Not named by Nintendo because it’s not even a Pokemon, see get your facts right before you publish this joke of an article.
5:
“In this case, “Ash” the main character of the first series is what is commonly known as a “ladyboy”. This outlandish outfit is a common atire for prostitutes on the streets of Japan. Would you really want your kids wearing these kinds of clothes?”
Firstly Ash is the main character in all the series of the show… now if you said “main character in the first series of the game” then you would have been more accurate. As for this being the atire for prostitutes in Japan, where do you get off making up this bull, it’s just someone “Cosplaying” which means to dress up as a character from a show/game they like. No different from someone dressing up for halloween (although you probably have issues with halloween too i guess)
6:
“Please donate your money, and your kid’s savings to the STR fund for the eradication of all pokemon. Together we can keep our kids clean.”
Ah now we get to it, this is some vein attempt to scam gullible people out of their money.
7:
“Do not underestimate the power of prayer: Jesus told us everything we know about Pokemon. If you pray for wisdom soon you can be as wise as us.”
Jesus told you? I didn’t know they had Gameboys and Pokemon back in his time?
LOL Pokemon will smash your brains, kids!
DON’T EVOLVE INTO GHASTLY!!!
This is BY FAR the most hilarious one you’ve ever posted, and that’s seriously saying something. The bullshit you spew on a daily basis is so entertaining that I often times find myself doubling over in laughter, and sharing your creatively fabricated crap “stories” with all of my friends.
Please continue to be a hilariously dumb piece of shit, because no comedian in the world could write such funny material.
I imagine that won’t take up much of your day Hannah! Unless your friends are imaginary! ROLFL! LOL! LOL!
It was a friend that introduced me to this site. Much lulz was had that day. We keep each other up to date with the ‘news’ that comes spewing out your ass.
Oi, don’t be insultin’ mah wife, kisama. The one in the Pikachu costume? Yeah, she’s mine.
STR-san, if you want come to Otakon this year, me and my kisama-tachi followers will help you make these heathen worshipers do right, and you can even pick up a free Mewtwo-kun (my treat). Together we can stop the Kawaii desu ne crowd. We can do it, holla atcha boi dawg.
Ganbatte in your crusade against everything!
Whoa, this is like the hardcore Republican equivalent of the godless liberal Weekly World News.
Haha! You fag! You’re one of the most worried people I’ve heard of! IT’S A FUCKING GAME FOR CRYING OUT FUCK! RELAX YOU SOAB! It’s made for children to have fun. Nothing devilish about it. You’re just exaderating it so you can make your money to spend on whores! you lying soab!
WOW, this is the most bullshit I have ever heard in my entire left whoever thought anything like this needs a fucking gunshot to the head. THis is by far the dumbest thing anyone has every written in the history of the goddamn earth. Whoever thinks that pokeman are satanic needs to be killed by jesus himself. FUCK!!!
I’ve been meaning to ask what the hell ROLFL means anyway, in your last comment Jimmy.
@Sam Johnston:
“I imagine that won’t take up much of your day Hannah! Unless your friends are imaginary! ROLFL! LOL! LOL!”
….. right, good one. I had no idea you’re actually a toddler. It’s okay champ, you’ll learn better comebacks when you get to high school.
Hey Shelley, here’s another title for you, hypocrite. ” Please donate your money, and your kid’s savings to the STR fund for the eradication of all pokemon.” You have the audacity to deride Alex Jones for selling products on his website and you just come right out and ask for the entire child’s savings!?
Shelley is no conservative or a Christian. What she is is most likely a Zionist, an IDF agent, that wants to tear apart the American way of life. She lies and distorts the truth just like they all do. She will even attack her own kind to accomplish her goals. From the words of Woody Allen , “this is a mockery of a mockery” God will spew you out of his mouth!
I’m gonna rape every single damn rock around here if you don’t shut the F(_)ck up, Get the F(_)ck out, and F(_)ck your mom.
If you are from the Pokecommunity and are seeing this, please post as well against these b!tches.
Dude… you really have a problem… Fist of all… pokemon cant kill you lousy bastard… they just make their opponent FAINT! damn… your moron attitude kill more people than pokemon… second… ITS POKEMON you spelling asshole! not PokeMAN… youre too stupid to realice the diference between the devils will and a cute yellow mouse… now, “Kids are programmed to think that if they do not obey Mr. Pikachu he will come for them in the night and devour their helpless bodies, thus “evolving” them into “Ghastly” – the “Ghost Pokemon”… whata the hell is up with that? I dare you doesnt eaven know what a ghost pokemon is and you are just projecting your fears and anger by craping a game you dont like claming you are helping God to save the world… GROW UP you idiot!
…you are just jealous of us because we eaven got a life and you just got your stupiditi and your fucked mind… By the way,“fur-suit” isnt eaven a pokemon cosplay you stupid mooron! ,the only idiot doing pledge allegiance is you damn it! the worst thing is: some people are so insecure and dum to hear all you bullshit and they happen to believe it every word so they become assholes such as you! you probabli will be saying: Oh… this is an evil guy who’s triing to corrupt my soul… well think again cause Im a chiristian man who is really ashemed of people like you… I pitty you but… you are just to pathetic… I hate the fact that you claim to be a chiristian eaven when you doesnt eaven care that you are not tolerant with people believes and likes… Dont you remember a chiristian must follow Jesus steps? Jesus never set up a crusade to impose the religion, he just was the example of how we should behave… just to finish.. I gues you are so obsesed with pokemon that you will undetrstand that this isnt the God’s will when you happen to be on his judgement…
so.. please just stop writing this stuff ok!?
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*facepalm*
Once again, another person stands up to point the finger to blame that pokemon is ‘evil’…
I must admit the fact this is much better than the trash written by Tristan J Shuddery. But still nonetheless, you christians need to get the message.
“EVOLUTION IS NOT EVIL!”
How many times must I say it? You people think pokemon is evil coz it involves evolution?
“Pokemon – the crazy addictive kid-cult that kills?”
There are probably millions of pokemon fans like myself aroudn the world. Have they ever been killed? And how is Pokemon related to ‘kid cult?’
“By the age of 9, most Pokemon-players (or poke-maniacs) begin to develop horrendous nightmares: Every night they are haunted by visions of the ungodly creatures such as Pikachu. According to the pokemon cartoons, this hideous monstrosity stuns and kills it’s prey by shooting electric-shocks from it’s tail and cheek-patches. Kids are programmed to think that if they do not obey Mr. Pikachu he will come for them in the night and devour their helpless bodies, thus “evolving” them into “Ghastly” – the “Ghost Pokemon”.”
Where’s your proof of children developing horrible dreams? This is stupid and retarded. This so called ‘Mr Pikachu’ that devours souls is utter bullcrap. I swear someone is putting false rumors into you all.
“By the age of 13, most children who have been substantially exposed to Pokemon begin to develop dangerous anti-social habits. The lucky few become withdrawn and reclusive, however the vast majority show worse tendencies: Some experiment with homosexuality, others may rebel against Christianity, converting to Islam or worse: Atheism. If not placed in a caring, Christian home the teenage Pokemon fan is on a one-way ticket to hell.”
And where’s your proof of that? I doubt pokemon has anything to do with this. Lets face it, how DOES pokemon change someone to experience homosexuality or to convert themselves to other religions or atheism?
“Children are told that if they betray the blood-oath, a horde of pokemon will smash their brains.”
Pokemon aren’t violent at all, and they certainly dont exist in real life. Ok, lets say that I broke the blood oath or whatever it is. What are the chances of a horde of machops or makeys wielding clubs come and bash my brains out? Less than zero my friends.
“True pokemon fans like to cos-play: In this case the wearing what is known as a “fur-suit”. This blue monstrosity is yet another of the 250 pokemon – so rare that it has not even been given a name by Nintendo, nor does it appear in the game manual. Kids are told that they will be able to obtain it once they walk out of their family and renounce Jesus.”
That blue thing isn’t a pokemon my folks. Looks more like a retarded version of a teletubby with a red crest dancing.
“Pokemon is famous for it’s trans-gender characters. In this case, “Ash” the main character of the first series is what is commonly known as a “ladyboy”. This outlandish outfit is a common atire for prostitutes on the streets of Japan. Would you really want your kids wearing these kinds of clothes?”
Since when was Ash’s attire considered ‘Transgender’? You must either be blind or downright stupid to believe a blue jacket with jeans is ‘transgender’.
And I dont remember Ash being referred to as the ‘ladyboy’ either.
“If you see that your child has collected pokemon games or trading cards, destroy them. Jesus will give you strength. ”
I seriously swear I’m gonna aim my shotgun of insults and flame at the next idiot who says this in front of me.
“Please donate your money, and your kid’s savings to the STR fund for the eradication of all pokemon. Together we can keep our kids clean.”
So this is for the money now eh? You ignorant gits really deserve a hard slap in the . You seriously think you can stop Satoshi Tajiri from spreading his imaginations and fantasies into other children?
If you plan to stop him, you have me to answer to, and many thousands of pokemon fans like myself to face.
“Do not underestimate the power of prayer: Jesus told us everything we know about Pokemon. If you pray for wisdom soon you can be as wise as us. ”
Jesus doesn’t know jack shit about pokemon. Call me a heretic for all I care but if Jesus thinks he knows everything about pokemon, he is wrong. And given that he did tell you everything he knew, the information will be sadly misinformative.
You christians apparently still haven’t got the message.
Pokemon is not evil, the fact that kids are fascinated by imaginary fantasy animals is completely normal, it’s not like they’re gonna be converted into worshipping an imaginary deity.
“By the age of 13, most children who have been substantially exposed to Pokemon begin to develop dangerous anti-social habits. The lucky few become withdrawn and reclusive, however the vast majority show worse tendencies: Some experiment with homosexuality, others may rebel against Christianity, converting to Islam or worse: Atheism. If not placed in a caring, Christian home the teenage Pokemon fan is on a one-way ticket to hell.”
You know what? I’m Atheist and PROUD!!!! I WILL NEVER LET GOD COME AND RUIN MY LIFE!!! By the way I’ve played pokemon plenty oh and I’m getting into one of the best high schools in all of AMERICA! What Now Bitches? I never went to church but I’ve flipped through the bible once and I found it was complete shit!
Please keep making these threads they make me laugh so much and you know what they say! Laughter is the best medicine!(not jesus or god’s crappy blessing.)
Blahahahaahahah! That is just sooooo funny. Do you really think aethiests are so bad? Wow, lighten up man. God, to me, seems to be a scheme to submit people under the will of the church. I’m sorry, but EVOLUTION seems more plausible then God making us all.
None of what you say is necessarily true, and you are just following the stereotype. It’s just a game… Let me say that again… IT”S JUST A GAME!!! It’s a fun little game that people enjoy, is that too bad? I have read the bible before, and it was just garbage. Many things contradicted themselves, and just don’t make sense.
If things in the bible were supposed to be followed by everyone, then the world would be much more in chaos then it already is. Differences in religion started most of the wars. WWII, and Iraq War are two perfect examples, and let’s not forget about the Crusades, all of which were started by Christians. If athiests are so bad, then why have quite a bit of the most evil people in the world been Christian? Shoving stuff on people is bad, and if they have a mental disorder, can actually damage them, make them go crazy.
Back to Pokemon, those aren’t ‘evil creatures’, THEY’RE JUST LINES OF CODE!!!!!!!! That’s all they are. Lines of code. If you are so devout, then why are you on the internet? Isn’t that supposed to be evil? Why do you look up this ‘evil’ stuff? Why? And applauding someone for destroying someone elses property, that’s not right. Technically, they broke one of the amendments, ‘thou shall not steal’. She stole the game device before destroying it. Also, technically, she was acting under one of the Seven Sins, Wrath.
Yeah, your argument contradicts itself. You applaude people for going against your religion. I suppose that only applies to Athiests, huh?
Think on that, and since I know you won’t, then I’ll leave you with this.
POKEMON IS FAKE!!! IT DOESN’T EXIST!!!
I’m atheist, and that’s not because of pokemon, it’s because of people who think they have the right to controll others life.
I’m not against religion, but I HATE extremists :D
How about I show you the road to hell, cause I’d rather go there than having to deal with annoying people such as yourself.
I agree with you 100%, Demon Light.
Pokemon isn’t evil, that much is obvious, but this thing is too blinded by false light to care. (Sorry if I offended any non extremists in my last post, and in this one I guess.)
If I go to hell (If there is one, but I don’t think there is), then I’ll see you there, because I know you’re going there. I know it, and I’m pretty sure most people do too, you don’t have to have the power to see the future to say so.
See you in ‘hell’. :D
you make me sad. you claim to be a devout christian, and yet you ask others to commit wrath? you ask them to take what is not theirs to take, with the intent to destroy? you ask for parents to provide you with their child’s savings? your words are filled with hatred, insecurity, and greed. do you honestly think Jesus would approve of such actions if he where here? i was born catholic, i became agnostic. i played pokemon. and if i’m going to hell, then i know for sure that you’re going to hell.
–don’t forget to pack the sunscreen. ;)
This site is obviously satire. Read #4 in the terms and conditions.
“Please donate your money, and your kid’s savings to the STR fund for the eradication of all pokemon. Together we can keep our kids clean.”
How about this:
“Lets eradicate this shit organisation instead, together we can keep our world clean. You dont have to donate anything to take part of this.”
I wonder which would be more appealing to everyone? *sarcasm*
Pikachu DOES NOT KILL you. It is on the WEAKER half of Pokemon. Do some damn research.
Gastly isn’t even a real ghost. It is merely a living thing which has GAS for a body, hence the name GAStly.
Also, there are 493 Pokemon, and there were 493 when this article was written.
I second AznFury. STR is for idiots.
“Mewtoo – the psychic cat: In order to collect this Poke-man, kids must attend a Nintendo “roadshow” where they are made to pledge allegiance to the King of Japan in return for receiving this UR (Ultra-Rare) character. Children are told that if they betray the blood-oath, a horde of pokemon will smash their brains.”
You idiot! Mewtwo is IN THE GAME. There is NO DAMN OATH made to the “King” of Japan (Japan’s a republic)!
I wish one of these dumb-ass people would actually PLAY THE DAMN GAME…
*giggle!*
Fake or real, there are nutters who think like this.
I have 300+ pokemon, i think im gonna enjoy hell. Il be able to trade with people all the time and finally finish it. “TIL DEATH DO US PART, POKÉMON!”
POKEMON 4 EVA!
My Weavile will rip you to shreds. Rawr.
By the way, Pikachu never evolved, nor did he cause siezures.
POKEMON,POKEMON,POKEMON,POKEMON, GOTTA CATCH EM ALL!
BTW, IT STANDS FOR POCKET MONSTERS.
I’m Christian AND I’m a Pokemon fan.
This article sucks. The information is all wrong and Jesus didn’t tell you squat about it.
I don’t know which is more hilarious – this article, or the people who are actually taking this stuff seriously.
“I imagine that won’t take up much of your day Hannah! Unless your friends are imaginary! ROLFL! LOL! LOL!”
the correct way to say that is ROFL-WAFFLE-WAFFLE. Lrn 2 133t sp3ak.
Second, I have a youtube link which states my feelings on this site in general. troll rating 0/10
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAOxY_nHdew&feature=PlayList&p=8F4E5E7B09AAC1FC&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=50
Holy, Crap.
I took part One seriously, and that was a waste of time. Let me clear a few issues up.
1. “By the age of 9, most Pokemon-players (or poke-maniacs) begin to develop horrendous nightmares: Every night they are haunted by visions of the ungodly creatures such as Pikachu. According to the pokemon cartoons, this hideous monstrosity stuns and kills it’s prey by shooting electric-shocks from it’s tail and cheek-patches. Kids are programmed to think that if they do not obey Mr. Pikachu he will come for them in the night and devour their helpless bodies, thus “evolving” them into “Ghastly” – the “Ghost Pokemon”.”
They told you this? Wow, what utter bullocks. If this really happened, most kids would stop playing pokemon at 9. And Gastly may be a Ghost pokemon, but it’s calles the Gas Pokemon. Get it right.
2. “By the age of 13, most children who have been substantially exposed to Pokemon begin to develop dangerous anti-social habits. The lucky few become withdrawn and reclusive, however the vast majority show worse tendencies: Some experiment with homosexuality, others may rebel against Christianity, converting to Islam or worse: Atheism. If not placed in a caring, Christian home the teenage Pokemon fan is on a one-way ticket to hell.”
Oh, gee… i wonder why?
(Look to Fran’s letter in Part 1 for answer)
3. “Mewtoo – the psychic cat: In order to collect this Poke-man, kids must attend a Nintendo “roadshow” where they are made to pledge allegiance to the King of Japan in return for receiving this UR (Ultra-Rare) character. Children are told that if they betray the blood-oath, a horde of pokemon will smash their brains.”
It’s MEWTWO, damn it! Get it right!
Besides the point, i know.
The point is, they don’t. Mewtwo can be found off Route 24 after you beat the Elite Four and Champion (top trainers in the game) in the games. You do NOT go to a roadshow. You do NOT pledge allegiance to someone who does not exist. You do NOT take a blood-oath, and they do NOT smash your brains because they DO NOT EXIST IN REAL LIFE! OK?!
4. “This young woman has turned her back on the Christian institution of marriage. This sort of indecent behavior is normal in the pagan land of Japan – but do we really want to import their foreign vices into our godly land?”
And how is she doing that? By dressing up in a Pikachu costume? Would you feel more comfortable if she was in a Virgin Mary outfit? For Christ’s sake, keep your arguments valid, please!
And by the way, just what are you doing with this picture anyways? Where did you get it? and what were you doing there? If you’re so righteous, you ought to have a good reason for that.
5. “True pokemon fans like to cos-play: In this case the wearing what is known as a “fur-suit”. This blue monstrosity is yet another of the 250 pokemon – so rare that it has not even been given a name by Nintendo, nor does it appear in the game manual. Kids are told that they will be able to obtain it once they walk out of their family and renounce Jesus.”
*enter the facepalm.*
1. As you’ve been told, there are 493 pokemon. Got it? whatever.
2. So they like to cosplay. What’s your deal?
3. That looks vaguely like a Manaphy which can be gotten by trading an egg from Pokemon Ranger to Diamond, Pearl or Platinum.
4. It DOES appear in the manual, and
5. Kids are NOT told to renounce Christ and walk out on their families just to get it.
Geez, grow up.
6. “Pokemon is famous for it’s trans-gender characters. In this case, “Ash” the main character of the first series is what is commonly known as a “ladyboy”. This outlandish outfit is a common atire for prostitutes on the streets of Japan. Would you really want your kids wearing these kinds of clothes?”
I dunno what hookers wear, but if they dressed like Ash, they’d need to find a new line of work. LOL
Seriously, Ash is not a ladyboy. Heck, he’s not even a lady’s man. If you are referring to the instances where Ash cross-dressed (twice or so, if i recall), that is in all honesty, a slight cause for concern.
And if you’re asking if i’d let my kids (when i get them, God willing) wear a cap, jacket, black shirt and jeans, then yes. I would.
Your arguments are getting feebler and more far-fetched than ever. Stop now before you hurt your cause, and make a fool of yourself.
7. “I’m sure you can see, there is more to this Pokemon craze than it’s pushers are willing to admit. If you want to save your children ending up like these unfortunates, then it’s time to take action:
* If you see that your child has collected pokemon games or trading cards, destroy them. Jesus will give you strength.
* Please donate your money, and your kid’s savings to the STR fund for the eradication of all pokemon. Together we can keep our kids clean.
* Do not underestimate the power of prayer: Jesus told us everything we know about Pokemon. If you pray for wisdom soon you can be as wise as us.
Yours in Christ,
Jimmy Goddard”
LOL, OK, Jimmy… Ok, point #1 will not work, as they will find money to acquire more. Pointless venture.
#2 sounds like a plea for cash to promote idiotic fanatism and whilst Christ urges us to be zealous, He is not a fan of money pushers in His Church.
#3 is probably the only sensible thing you wrote in your entire post…. well, the first clause at least. Yes, do not underestimate the power of prayer. Jesus said, “But now I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matt 5:44)
Let this be the watchwords for both sides of this stupid dispute. I’ve had enough of your idiocy, and it ends now.
Just stop with the fanatical paranoia already will ya? geez…
This is extremly racist towards Japan. AND POKEMON IS NOT EVIL YOU FREAKING PIECES OF SHIT
you die now pokemon will kill your satin lovin ass you fuckin liers pokemon never was or ever will be evil but dont worry as we speak im on my way to kill you for this bull shit and we’ll both sit in hell and you can watch me play pokemon for ever
wow you fag, have you ever read the bible? I guess not, do me a favor, GET A LIFE! STOP CRITISIZING POKEMON!!!
At the time you wrote this there where 493 pokes 3 of which can control time space and matter(dialga palkia giritina) and one that’s considered god(arceus) you shouldve said something bout that instead of making up stuff.
People like you are the ones that impacted me to give up religion at 12 not pokemon. I saw retarded as people who think that their religion is better and would go to war over it and kill inocent people just to have more followers. You make me sick and btw I believe in god but not having a religion is liberating—not having to follow impossible rules that everyone brakes. I know god is loving and forgiving but I highly doubt that he/she/it would forgive someone who says they are teaching gods ways-hope you burn I’m hell
Yours a 16 year old who makes more sense than you
DUDE! Get you’re facts straight before posting an article, even if it is a joke one. Because seriously, there is no god anyway. They have proved EVERY OTHER god/goddess/deity doesn’t exist, so there is no doubt that this one is fake as well.
I just think you’re a complete and total imbecile.
I LOVE POKEMON
AND I’M CHRISTIAN
SUCK IT, BITCH.
okay, that was slightly inappropriate.
i am in highschool.
and a girl
and i play pokemmon
it’s not a cult you dumbass.
who the fuck gets those dreams?
really?
how does pikachu evolve people into ghastly?
IT DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT
Pikachu doesn’t MAKE things evolve
only items or level ups make pokemon evolve.
pikachu itself only evolves with a thunderstone.
ghastly doesn’t evolve. it just is. and then it evolves into haunter at a certain level.
so HA.
PWNT.
lol i like how people took this seriously..
because it is serious, pokeman war ship!
lmfao, i’m pretty sure i’m not in a cult.
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
BEST. TROLL. EVER.
Pokemon is my favorite!!! YAAAAAY!
i achuly want you to die a slow and painful death
yoo fucking retard that dosent know shit
do your county a favor and hang yourself
I have a couple of things to say to you.
1. What the heck is that creepy furry thing!
2. Who is Mr. Pikachu?!
3. Neither in the show or the game do people evolve, they grow as people.
4. Nothing evolves into a Ghastly.
5. Who did you pay to dress up in a Mew two costume?
6. There are no blood-oaths in Pokemon.(Don’t even get me started on the “king” thing)
7. How the heck does someone dressed in a Halloween costume mean they gave up on marriage?
8. Why the heck is the dude from the “In The Night Garden” play set doing in this?
9. He is NOT a Pokemon he a plush toy.
10. Pokemon is famous for it’s trans-gender characters. What thee heck is that it is not!
11. Yes Ash is a ladies man but what’s with that clothes thing?
12. The real reason your doing this must be for money because putting this on the web isn’t helping anyone.
My little cousin found this website when she was looking for innocent internet games. So congratulations for scarring a 2nd grader for life. If your thinking of insulting her mom don’t because her mom was feeding my cousin’s baby sister whom is only 4 months old. Thank God she couldn’t see the screen otherwise I hate to think what would of happened to her. So thanks a lot for scaring my little cousin for life.
I hope this post is just to be funny, because it is. But if it is not, well you have pokemon all wrong. Pokemon is just a mindless game that is not by any means evil. I have never heard anyone ever had nightmares of pikachu! Pikachu is a cute little mouse creature that most people have good dreams about and probably wants one of their own! I know i do! But sadly they are not real.
rofl. Pokemon ftw! I iz going to hell if you son of a bitch are right. I know your not, but you’re an asshole. yes, bunghole!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
THIS BLOG IS BULLSHIT LOOLLOLOLOL
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Btw: That Japanese girl is cute :)
will lol again
Listen I’m a 14 year old kid that plays pokemon, and i belive in god. let me tell you something about pokemon. first of all kids DONTget nightmares from them because kids are not told anything about a pokemon that would eat them and gastly is the ghost pokemon of pokemon that have died of old aka pokerus. also that blue thing is not a pokemon I should know because i am th massacuchets regesterd pokemon master. another thing in order to get those rare pokemon you just go to toys r us and get the download
another thing is when people say that pokemon are evil thats mostly because there afriad there kids are going to stop beliving in god. like i said in my other post i like pokemon but belive in god I also will alwas put god way before pokemon because god is more important than pokemon. another thing is even if you take all things pokemon away from a kid that like pokemon there still going to find a way to keep play pokemon because there are pokemon game websites for example the two that i made.
The only kids that would say pokemon will kill someone for them are the kids that are bullys and they only say that to scare kids but it never works in the first place. the last few thing i need to say are if you pay attion to at least a little bit of pokemon episodes you will learn that pokemon can teach GOOD things to kids. the last thing is I hope this made you see a different side of pokemon……… 1 more thing I have 7 web sites about god and how much he cares for us.
lol I find it funny how he/she took off my last post. ^^
Yay troll
Heck yes!
“By the age of 9, most Pokemon-players (or poke-maniacs) begin to develop horrendous nightmares: Every night they are haunted by visions of the ungodly creatures such as Pikachu.”
I have been a ‘poke-maniac’ (I prefer the word ‘Pokemon Master’ kthnxs) since Grade 4 and I’ve never had any nightmares about Pikachu. lol
You’re a terrible Christian if you buy into this bullshit.
God never said you need to hate Pikachu to get into heaven.
God probably wouldn’t appreciate you mindless ignorance in his name.
^_____^
This is AWESOME!!!! this can’t be real, can it?
how ignorant do you think people are anyway? To get this blue pokemon kids have to denounce Jesus!? ha ha you are so retarded!!!!
you know it really is people like you that cause life as a christian to SUCK for people like me!
I live in the real world, where money is king, Obama really sucks, and Television is the new babysitter. I have very strong beliefs but come on… this has nothing to do with anything relevant. I agreee with a few posters on here who say that they have been poke-maniacs, as I myself once was, and that there is nothing wrong with this show and that the erroneous claims you are making are unfounded and malicious. I thought this blog was a joke at first, then I realized you were serious and that you really think these lies about a TV show will really make a difference… the best part is ITS A T.V. SHOW!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can’t you find anything else to complain about that has some real relevance? actually, scratch that… I don’t wanna see what you have to say about any REAL topics because if you are this retarded and unfounded about Poke’mon than please PLEEEEEEEASE leave politics, religion, and anything else requiring at least a third grade education alone, because you obviously can’t even handle TV or Videogames.
THANK YOU for representing republicans as mentally handicapped racist who not only don’t fact check but literally make up all sorts of ridiculous bull shit. I played Poke’mon when I was young and occasionally now, and strangely I never had nightmare’s about Pikachu coming in the night to devour me. Or for that matter, hearing that it kills anything. It also has not pushed me away from good in anyway. Alternatively your website is straining my relationship with Jesus. I do not understand why He would allow someone to be such a hateful ignorant imbecile, Unfortunately this is the downfall of freewill.
WTF, man it’s just a video game, and you even analyzed a lot of Pokemon concepts completely wrong. I hope this is a joke article, because if it is, it’s the best one!
God damn, this really made my night. Usually dumb close-minded racist homophobes piss me off, but this is just too funny.
oh this is too funnyy! good one guys … thanks for the laugh :D
haha omg too funny! such a goood laugh! thanks shelley
WHOEVER WROTE THIS IS RETARDED! AND COMPLETELY IGNORANT! OF WHAT POKEMON IS. IT’S TV SHOW AND A VIDEO GAME FOR CHILDREN TO HAVE FUN. IT BUILDS IMAGINATION AND CREATIVITY, YOU IDIOT!
I am a Christian AND I used to like Pokemon (I still do) until I gave away my Pokemon Ruby for Gameboy to a kid so I never again played it. I think this article is plain ridiculous I grew up with Pokemon and I never remember any nightmares about Mr. Pikachu killing me. Please try to not be so ignorant…. I understand that evolution is a problem but i didn’t even notice evolution until you told me here…. I just play the game for fun I’m a Christan that believes in no HUMAN evolution but your putting in a little video game where you evolve… Wow are you that serious a little kid probably does not even know what evolution is its to big of a word for their little minds to understand. I’m still a Pokemon fan then I just see this totally ignorant article written by a Christian. What blood-oath just get a Mew from Route 24 after defeating the Elite Four and the Champion jeez its not a big deal you don’t need to plege of allegiance to any king….. Well thats all I got to say.
…I have no words. Only laughter. A few of the more outlandish lines that made me laugh:
“Kids are programmed to think that if they do not obey Mr. Pikachu he will come for them in the night and devour their helpless bodies”
Where do you get your information on Pokemon? haha that’s not right at all xD
“Some experiment with homosexuality, others may rebel against Christianity, converting to Islam or worse: Atheism.”
I have no idea how you made these correlations.
“Children are told that if they betray the blood-oath, a horde of pokemon will smash their brains”
….again, I think your concept of Pokemon is seriously warped. Hilarious conept though.
“Kids are told that they will be able to obtain it once they walk out of their family and renounce Jesus.”
Okay, now you’re just making stuff up.
“Pokemon is famous for it’s trans-gender characters”
….no…no, its actually not. Ash is a boy.
You made me smile with your ridiculousness tonight, but I’m still kind of hoping you’re a satirist and aren’t actually serious about what you write…if not, I’m a bit worried.
maybe the japanese are just better people than you bastards, and are able to let people think what they want without forcing thier opinions on others. -_-
I complety agree with you cheesecake!!!!!!!!!!
Hey I killed my entire family because of pokemon it tainted my thoughts with the idea of becoming the best pokemon trainer in the WORLD and when I failed I couldn’t handle it and i’m 20.
I still play in my cell in a max security prison I had to convert my gameboy into a computer to write this. When i’m released i’m gonna come and find you shelly and were gonna play poke-a-man as you called it all night long YAY… so then i can so you what it ‘s like to capture strange little creatures in balls the size of my testicles.
IM ALMOST SURE YOU MIGHT BE THE MOST IGNORANT PERSON ….. AND ID LIKE TO KNOW IF THERE ARE REALLY STUPID PEOPLE OUT THERE THAT ACTUALLY FOLLOWS YOUR ADVICE ….. SHAME ON YOU TRYING TO MAKE PIKACHU SOUND LIKE HITLER ….. YOU SHALL BURN IN HELL FOR THIS STUPID BLOG !!!
GOOD DAY N GO FUCK A CROSS !!
So, I’ve looked around your site a little… (At at least 10 articles) and so far all I’ve found is a bunch of extremist-sounding bullcrap. I’m not talking Muslim Extremist either. I just can’t understand why some people have to go so far as to create such propaganda to try to coerce people into sharing their beliefs. I’m not the biggest Obama fan, but he’s certainly not Satan… He’s made a few decisions in his term in office I don’t agree with, as has EVERY OTHER PRESIDENT. Straight out saying that buddhism is inferior to christianity is kinda fucked up. Both have their points that can be used for the betterment of the person… as well as most other “normal” religions.
As far as Pokemon go, if I still actually played the games today, I’d have been playing for 12 years. I’m a perfectly normal human being. I’m not a social outcast, as one of your articles said I would be, I’ve got an IQ of 150 or so (And judging by the hate spewing from your site, I’d have to say about 10 times higher than most of the article writers for this site), I’m physically fit, and that if anything, Pokemon teaches kids some core values needed for their adult life. Nothing bad about that now is there? Ash is supposed to be a 10 year old boy in the series… he’s not a transsexual or whatever else you may be accusing it of. Pokemon does not tell kids to obey it and whatever (That’s more along the line of a spoof of Pokemon on South Park that tells kids to “Bomb The Harbor”. The episode kind of made fun of people like you guys who find satanic messages in the oddest places).
As far as this goes, have you ever heard of the song Twinkle Twinkle Little Star? Play it backwards and it “sounds” like it says “I wish there was no Allah”. Ever play any christian songs backwards? I can bet if you listen you can hear the word Satan a few times per song. Why would that be? The human brain tries to make since of gibberish it hears sometimes. MANY combinations of words at different speeds backwards sounds like Satan… So, does that mean that over 70% of music today is satanic and devil worshipping because it says the word satan backwards in the song? I don’t know… you tell me.
Oh Jeez, Overracttive christians. Pokemon isn’t a Satanic cult, it’s a game.
lol she’s the republican gobles from the nazi party. XD
wow pokemondeluge playing
haha is this supposed to be a joke, or just some really bad attempt at propaganda? either way, i had a good, hearty laugh.
now..before u said even worse..u mentioned islam…
thanks for putting that up.
im a pokemon fan.
but i cannot accept u just saying bout my religion..
PIKACHU WILL HAUNT U.scared? pfft.
pathetic.
“I imagine that won’t take up much of your day Hannah! Unless your friends are imaginary! ROLFL! LOL! LOL!”
thats not even funny and what the hell is rolfl rolling on laughing floor laughing your an idiot and pokemon don’t cause kids to rebel. People like you who feed kids nonsense make them rebel
Fuck you.
Fuck your religion.
I honestly thought this was a joke. Then I realized this was serious business… and I laughed uncontrollably.
Thank you for that.
What the….
How do you come up with this stuff? I mean, wow you have a fairly messed up mind dude.
Wow, there is so much wrong with this article that if I took the time to analyze it I may lose faith in life itself…
Seriously, I already lost my respect for human intelligence, politics, education, society, and family structure, but you know what? Reading this just took away my interest in preserving human life at all.
The bitch must die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I lol’d @ you using Yu-Gi-Oh! terms(UR = Ultra Rare) in a pokemon article. Also, GTFO Amerifag.
THIS IS THE FUNNIEST SHIT EVER!! LMFAO ROTFL!! wow it reminds me of my fucked in the head mom. lmao!! that bitch talked the same shit about pokemon. lmao. im glad my dad was smart enough to ditch that bitch. haha. anyways. this is the funniest fucking shit i have ever read!! i know someone that is the sweetest girl on earth. believes in saving her virginity till shes married and is a strong believer in god. and still she plays pokemon and collect the cards. so tell me this. how has pokemon made HER into something so frightening and shit? it hasnt. and never will. its just a game that ppl play for fun. its like a fucking hobby. just like collecting baseball cards or playing a little kids game on ur nintendo 64!! lmao!!:D
pokemon is AWESOME qand im 13 it rocks overall the pokegirls and max are my favorate charictars in this order
1 may
2 max
3 misty
4 dawn
This is why the whole world hates Americans and Christians
Thanks for confirming MY beliefs: Christians are violent, abusive
greedy, moraly corrpted fear tacticians.
And many (not quiet all) Americans are idiots.
I’ve never played pokemon but even the most innatentive
bystander can see I poses no threat to our children.
Your racism and hideous caracter are far more dangerous.
I believe there is a God and I know he has no love for
monsters like you. I sincerly hope for your sake that you
are a con artistand not a fanatic, I scares me to think that
people like you are allowed to walk the streets with the rest
of us
are allowed to walk the streets with real sane people
hmmmm. very VERY interesting. i had NO idea. no idea at all. your an idiot. you call yourself a christian? actually, i think you are not. i AM a Christian, and i dont believe any of what you said. you are just a demon-possesed person who wants to call attention to other things so no one would ever suspect you of all of the human sacrifices that you preform in your own home town. i have played pokemon for years now, played all of the games, and i dont think i have ever dreamed about them, let alone have a nightmare about them. get your facts sraight also. there are 493 of them, not 250.
1. pikachu has never done more than shock another pokemon to ko them. not kill. and OH NO WHAT WILL WE DO??? it shocks ash to wake him out of a coma in an episode!!!!!!!!! and you can’t evolve into gastly, its a basic.
2. mewtwo is easy to get. i know that there is not one mention of Jesus in the whole game. king of japan? lol. your so funny. there is no bowing in any of the games either. (oh, if you think i havent played through the games enough, guess again. i am a breeder, which means i will spend hours just to get one of my liking and i know all the internal mechanics of the game as well.)
3. OH NO. just another girl in a bikini. whatever will we do? you could bomb every beach in the world i guess, but the army wouldnt let you do that either. just about every girl in america wears a bikini. no big deal either. not even part of the game, just a girl who, like any other person can , bought a pikachu costume. besides, since you are a satanist, you probably were just upset that the bikini was on instead of off, like the lesbian that you are.
4. pokemon? uh-uh. looks like an easter bunny without ears. get your facts straight again.
5. ash. usually what happens when you burn wood. not a whore. prostitutes in japan, as ive heard, usually go shirtless, and maybe a d-strap. not full, all-covering guy, anime clothes.
6. ahhhh. heres the heart of the matter. “send your money and your kids money to support a person that we all hate. yes, i see now. you just want money for your next dose of crack.
7: final word: even if it was such an “evil, demonic, evil, satanistic, evil thing”, do you really think nintendo would stop what lines their pockets with hundreds of billions of dollars. good luck being a loser, you are really good at it already.
oh, and i am 15 btw. nothing weird happens to me. none at all.
This is the best troll I’ve seen in awhile (as is the “dream ticket” poll).
Your God is not real.
Man, u guys cant seem to take a joke! its obviously a satire on all those people who think that pokemon is satanic. Do u guys always take jokes so seriously?
str, you are a bunch of lying, false god believing, homo erotic, fake bible humping cock suckers and i cant wait till the day you burn in hell
Freedom blog, I have read and watched your actions for some time now. I am a bit appalled, especially with “Gods Hit list”. You seems to promote more fear and terror based on falls lies in hopes of gaining funds to continue with supporting your lies until you yourselves believe in them. Is this peace? Is this what the ten commandments have been taken and slowly evolved into? Pointing and blaming a harmless cartoon cause it is different? Have any of you have any sense of dignity or shame, to put such fear and nonsense into the coming generation? Pray that your souls will be forgiven when judgment day comes, and beg forgiveness when truth shines down on how your twisted and mangled the words of god to this sick blasphemy. I cry knowing this world is what I died for to take your sins.