Republication : Citizenship for Jesus Christ : PLEASE SIGN THE PETITION
Dear Friends:
As we all know, our Lord and Savior will come down from Heaven to save mankind. Surely he will come to the USA first, since this is God’s chosen country. Therefore to give him legal status in America we need to grant him the US-Citizenship!
We can not let him walk around as illegal immigrant and possible be arrested by overeager officers of the department of ‘US Citizenship and Immigration Services’!
I suspect that many of my dear visitors will again suspect that this article is satirical, but I can assure you this is not the case. Whatever you believe, please consider signing this PETITION!
Dear Friends, thank you very much for all your support.
Yours sincerely,
Shelley Goodman
Picture Source: Villagevoice.com
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Shelly you dunder head jesus christ getting citizenship is f***king impossible. and from all of the venomous,hateful, racist,things that come out of your mouth will not gain you a ticket to heaven. and what really pisses me off is that you say cruel,venomous,hateful things about children with disabilities. your truly sick for saying those things about disabled children. nothing makes me more madder then when stupid religious fanatical bigots like you down children just because there a little bit different then you. you are’nt no christian shelley. cause christians don’t say shit like that and i don’t know where you get off claiming your a christian and yet make fun of people your nothing but cold hearted bitch.
Shelley, according to your bible the Promised Land is Israel…
Abraham “On that day, God made a covenant with Abraham, saying: “To your descendants I have given this land, from the river of Egypt as far as the great river the Euphrates. The land of the Kenites, Kenizzites, Kadmonites; the Chitties, Perizzites, Refaim; the Emorites, Canaanites, Girgashites and Yevusites.” (Genesis 15:18-21)
I love it how the Christian right applies their own meaning when it’s convenient. According to your religion, the bible is a sacred document whose words are true and literal. As such your notion that the USA is Gods chosen country is blasphemous… what?¢‚Ǩ‚Ñ¢s the punishment for that according to the old testament? A good stoning?
Oh no! Illegal inmigrant Jesus was arrested xD
If God is omnipotent, He doesn’t need a citizenship card. Coming from the Middle East, you’d probably evict Him anyway.
“Go back to jail, you celestial jew zombie savior of human kind.”
— A future cop.
this just shows you what a pathetic stupid bitch shelley is. get fucked bitch.
Sara Carter,
thanks for your comment I guess, but why exactly am I stupid?
Thanks,
Shelley N. Goodman
Oh by the way, regarding your first comment: I have never said or written anything that can even remotely be considered hateful or racist.
I have the love of Christ in my heart.
God bless y’all,
Shelley N. Goodman
your full of shit shelley go back and read your blogs stupid bitch they have nothing but hateful and racist bull shit. i would expect that coming from you cause you have no heart,no remorse, and you sure as hell do not have christ in your heart. cause christians don’t say such bull shit about retardation and other shit. your gonna be quite disappointed when you feel the flaming fires of hell burning your ass. that comment about the bill of rights makes you a traitor to this country. you ain’t no damn christian. you are an ambrassment to this country and to christianity. i’m glad i turned my back on god when i did now i see how christians are really like a bunch overly arrogant cocksucking bastards like your self shelley.
Watch your mouth, woman
I have always found Shelley to be a paragon of decency and good manners. Surely the power of Christ id strong in you Shelley, God bless you (even more!)
Shelly you are a real fucktard. When Jesus comes back he will most likely be Israeli. Or failing that a proper country like Britain. Not some shit hole like America
then we must get citizenship for satan. i’m an american and even i found what catholic warrior said to be down right hiliarious.good job catholic warrior.
and by the way billy bob neck kiss my ass i can say whatever i want you flaming homo. it’s called freedom of speech you bible beating religious heretic so fuck you. and funny how you should that when i’ve seen you go around bitching about the freedom of speech you fuckin hypocrite kiss my ass and god can also kiss my ass
right on sister. billy bob neck is a no pussy getting red neck with a first grade education.
Shelley:
I have said this to you before via e-mail and would like to restate it for all to see:
I have just read (and signed) your on-line petition to the INS requesting that Jesús be made a legal US citizen upon his return. On behalf of all the Christians of Americans, thank you and kudos to you! You truly have your thinking cap on. But for your activism, good thinking and planning, Jesús may unknowingly come back from Tijuana in somebody’s trunk which would make him an illegal Mexican wetback alien and that would not be a good thing for us Christians of Americans and the rest of the world who are God-fearing, God-loving, self-righteous and True Believers.
I also noticed that you are a Republican. Double kudos! A Christian and a Republican, your place in Heaven is reserved!
Once again, we thank you for your good work. Your efforts will not go unrecognized or unrewarded. Praised be thee!
Truthfully yours,
Lola Flores
hahaha “surely he will come into the usa first”
what? a place filled with people like you
people who think wife beating is ok (isnt it a sin to hurt somone though shall not lay a hand or somthing?)
people who break the law and saw god told them to do it (people like you)
people who carry guns and encourage shooting people because there a diffrent religion, doesnt your idiotic bible say something about NOT forcing your beleifs on other people?
and over all degenerate ego centrical asshole bastards like you?
DONT think so XD
THAT and the fact that your STUPID bible says that hes coming back in isreal and saying hes coming back into the usa is blasphomes
and since you love the old testament so much, maybe we should come to your house and give you a good stoning
REDNECK EGO CENTRICAL HYPOCRITAL DEGENERATE BITCH
Dear Shelly
It saddens me to see that you made a list of all the people YOU personally ‘hate’, and yet you called it “God’s Hitlist” as an excuse to cover up your disturbing ways. It also saddens me to see that you are obviously too stubborn and, if I may quote from another hateful viewer, a “Redneck egocentrically hypocritical degenerate bitch”. Your ways may be unforgivable in god’s eyes and in mine, but you refuse to hear voice of reason that people constantly yell at you. Regarding you hating Barack Obama, and creating non-existent, hateful nick-names, it is childish and while we all know that his mentor was quite racist, the new president of the U.S.A. had long ago disregarded his mentor’s ways. You may be allowed in heaven, but that is only because god doesn’t throw anyone away, which you refuse to realize.
I signed the petition. Great stuff. Thanks Shelley, Thanks Lola!
ARE U A STUPID IDIOT?
WTF IS THIS PICTURE?
U REALLY A FUCKTARD
ha ha thank you for a new word in my vocabulary catholic warrior
u know what?
i really do find this offensive
i may not be the kind of person who get’s angry often but this is complete bullshit
and what you said about this?
what the hell is wrong with you
jesus said he would come to save his people
i dont think america exsited in his time although he probably knew what it was
and i dont think anyone else knew what an america was
i dont even care about what you wrote acctually
U KNOW WHAT?
THIS IS THE MOST OFFENSIVE PICTURE I HAVE EVER SEEN
“LOVE OF CHRIST IN MY HEART” MY FUCKING ASS!
KISS MY ASS BITCH
That’s a great pic of Osama bin Laden. Wow!
The USA is God’s chosen country? And here I was thinking it was Israhell. Hmmm…
I wouldn’t worry so much about the Jebus being arrested by a an overeager officer of the department of ‘US Citizenship and Immigration Services’ – I’d be more concerned with him undergoing a full cavity search by a pedophiliac officer from the Department of Homeland Scrutiny at the airport.
Ok so i have a question Why did you write that Gods chosen land was America when its Israel …I would just want you to do one thing: Take the picture out i dont care of what people think about this but this is very offensive for me and all real Christians.
God,Lord Jesus Christ doesint make war, He makes peace and wherever he is There is love and Peace… If you are a Christian, you wouldint put this picture on and would even think a few times about it. Spread the love and not war!!!Spread Jesuse’s News it is very important and thats what matters… Plz take this picture out.
Thats the only thing Id like to tell you.
Aw… You lovely people, though lacking in intelligence, have a nice little petition for me!
How dare they offend the sacred images of Jesus is the God remove all these image blasphemous ans repent of those sins of blasphemy, they know that God is love and mercy but to not offend Jesus
Shelly:
I think the Catholic Warrior may have said it best. Although Dan Akroyd (sp?) may have spoken a line to Jane Curtain in the old SNL’s news skits that would prove apropos here: Shelly, “you ignorant slut!” Did you sniff copious amounts of glue as a child? More seriously, did you ever read the “RED” words in the New Testament or any of the gospels? If you have, it’s a real mystery how you could arrive at your misguided conclusions. Luckily for you, God is merciful and you just might get away with your bigoted bs. Good luck to you when Jesus arrives in America!
Respectfully,
Rich