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The Constitution / Bill of Rights : Worthless pieces of Paper

The so called “Bill of Rights” should be either re-written or just thrown out altogether. We all know the stupid old laws that still exist. For example: “In Baltimore, Maryland, it is not legal to take a lion to the movies.” or “In Topeka, Kansas, servers are forbidden to serve wine in teacups.” Well, I don’t know much about the old times, but they seemed to be very strange if not completely stupid. Whatever you want to call those laws and regulations, I think we can all agree that they are all outdated.


Source: Savethebush.org
Lonely Liberal Protester : The need to get rid of the ‘Bill of Rights’ is not clear to everybody.

On 9/11 the terrorist killers brought the war to our shores, which was only made possible because Bill Clinton significantly weakened the capabilities of the CIA to protect the Homeland. The main reason is that the Pentagon isrunning a couple of servers with the Linux Operation system. Our research brought to light that Linux is nothing more than a big piece of spyware (please read Tristan’s articles if you like to know more about the dangers of Linux). To make it short: The information stored on that Pentagon servers were sent to the enemy, so that the Taliban used our weaknesses to attack us on September the 11th. Thank God our great President was taking care of this mess and protected us. Unfortunately in some cases his hands were tied due to old outdated laws like the so called ‘Bill of Rights’.


The ‘Bill of Rights’ : Useless Piece of Paper that prevents the President of efficiently protect the homeland!


Let me suggest new and better versions of some of the amendments:

Article III
Outdated original:
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.
Corrected version:
Congress can make laws respecting an establishment of religion because the citizens are free to worship the Lord as they wish; or abridging the freedom of speech and peaceably to assemble in certain previously defined ‘Free Speech Zones’ which shall be out of the sight of the enemy.

Article VI
Outdated original:
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Corrected version:

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, as long as the citizen complies with the current anti-terrorism laws. Warrants shall be issued if there is reason to believe that the citizen a suspicious liberal individual.

Article X
Outdated original:
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

Corrected version:

Excessive bail may be required, and excessive fines can be imposed and cruel punishments may be inflicted if the citizen holds back information that could be useful to the United States or it’s government. Any method of punishment is permitted as long as it is beneficial to the welfare and financial health of the citizens of the United States.

According to the website capitolhillblue.com (some leftwing traitor website) President George W. Bush once said that the constitution is “just some old paper”. Good Republicans always deny that this is true, but I say: I hope it is true! Our President has a great sense of justice and decency!

Shelley Goodman

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38 Comments so far

  1. Anonymous June 12th, 2006 1:24 AM

    This blog is alternating between hilarious and creepy … should I laugh or cringe … is this a joke that misfired or the rantings of a zealot

  2. prospero4711 June 12th, 2006 1:42 AM

    This is very very saaaaad…

    I take it you’ve had a real great time maintaining one of the greatest and most mind-boggling hoaxes ever. I admire how you managed for so long to essentially go over the top but still kept (on a very bizarre level) a certain degree of plausibility that left people clueless as to whether this was really satire or not. I am sorry that you have now decided to explode the hoax. But it was one hell of a peace of work, people. I’d really like to meet you in person, and I hope I’ll get the word when you’re up to the next project!

  3. MC Peepants June 12th, 2006 2:06 AM

    You are so correct.

    We need to get rid of that pesky right to bear arms thing while your at it. We dont need guns with our patriot act doing everything possible to defend us.

    Besides, what good will any rifle, handgun, or assault weapon do against our cruise missle, stealth bomber, and depleted uranium armored tank military should we get corrupt leadership and decide to revolt?

  4. Squig2510 June 12th, 2006 2:39 AM

    Watch this before you go blaming people again:

    http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-8260059923762628848&q=loose+change

    But then again, be very very afraid because this is the evil google you’re talking about. What are you trying to do?
    You call Bush “the Great president”. Ever heard of Kim Il Sung and Kim Yung Il (also called the great leader of China). This is starting to look like naive communism; tell the truth, just change anything you dont like and leave out what you disapprove. You’re the greatest lyer here. I hope you like your manipulating experiment, you’re pulling it off quete well.

    Shelley, I’ll stick to my previous statement. You’re lying and deceiving people. You have encouraged people to do harm against others. You’re a terrorist. You’re an extremist. You’re a danger to all of the USA citizens and you even try to be a danger towards the rest of the world. Further more, even though this is just a ‘joke’ of yours, you’re still corrupting other decent people by doing this. Just stop with this mess.

  5. gargoyle June 12th, 2006 2:44 AM

    I really think this site is made witn sathirycal endings.

    I cannot believe that someone can really pretend to abrogate privacy rights to the so called “Liberals”.

    And I cannot believe someone can really imagine Jesus with a rifle.

    I’m an atheist (and I’m european), but the respect I grant to the figure of Jesus from Nazareth prevent me to imagine him armed like a killer.

  6. Sam Johnston June 12th, 2006 4:57 AM

    Bless you Shelley. If only Plato had had ideas as good as a free speech zone, the Ancients would have been able to develop some real civilisation instead of spending all their time indulging in man-love and worshipping false idols.

    A free speech zone is just what we need – and we should keep it way, way out of reach out of this great country’s freedom-hating enemies (of course, i’m thinking mostly of murderous bomb-weilding beardies, but I include liberals in that as they are the terrorists allies!!). As Shelley has pointed out so well and so often, freedom is a privilege. In fact (if I might suggest my own idea!) maybe people should be given a ‘freedom card’; a licence they get after passing some kind of exam to test out that they are worthy and suitable to ’speak out’ in public. You can bet that would shut Al Gore up for a start!

  7. gargoyle June 12th, 2006 5:07 AM

    I don’t see any difference between Shelley’s proposal and Mussolini’s Fascims.

  8. Nulllogik June 12th, 2006 6:52 AM

    A freedom card? Like the star of david on our clothes? See people, this is why we need to keep church/state seperate. Because we will get people like them in our government giving us a bad name.

    Shelley: Have you checked yourself for cancer recently?

  9. Albert June 12th, 2006 7:13 AM

    That is enough, I have now understand.

    This blog is a Big satiric Joke for us Europeans to laugh at the USA.

    If not… then they are simply mad.

  10. unamerican June 12th, 2006 8:09 AM

    Shelley, I just couldn’t belive it when I looked into the HTML-source of your homepage…

    You use UTF-8 encoding!!!

    What’s wrong with US-ASCII? That is just so blasphemous and un-american, that it makes me sick!

    How dare you call yourself a christian patriot?

    I’ll pray for you…

  11. Evil_Tux June 12th, 2006 8:45 AM

    Do you want to have fun dressing up Jesus on his cross?
    http://www.jesusdressup.com/

  12. unamerican June 12th, 2006 9:00 AM

    Ok, I forgive you, Shelley…

    But btw those of you who seem to believe that this is a satirical site are just stupid!

    Shelley Goodman Taub (R) is a representative to the Michigan House of Representatives.

    http://house.michigan.gov/rep.asp?DIST=040

    I’ll pray for us all…

  13. unamerican June 12th, 2006 10:14 AM

    Shelley, this is just ridiculous!!!

    Not only are you using UTF-8 encoding instead of US-ASCII…

    Your site is running on that un-american left-wing liberal communist open source linux stuff AND also on that un-american left-wing liberal communist un-christian open source terrorist software called Apache?!?

    I’ll pray for your sorry soul…

  14. MindlessPseudonym June 12th, 2006 11:49 AM

    Shelley,

    I have often wondered – do Democrats cause cancer? I pray for their souls night after night, and yet – people still get cancer. What does it take to remove these Democrats from the path of righteousness?

    Sincerely,
    Faithful, of the UK

  15. Lukas June 12th, 2006 12:05 PM

    Changes that you propose reminds me something , “1984″ from George Orwell . Than god no one is going to change constitution in tha that way .
    Maybe you dont understand one fact , what if someone tries to misuse power given him by “your constition” . Now what ?

  16. Taneli Huuskonen June 12th, 2006 12:41 PM

    @unamerican:

    As far as I can tell, the author of this site is not the same person as Ms Shelley Goodman Taub, whom you mentioned.

    @Shelley:

    Would you like to confirm or deny the above claim?

  17. dima the angry russian mobster with a worm virus June 12th, 2006 12:56 PM

    rip shelley. it was fun to read while it was still funny. i suggest you delete this post before every stupid fooker will stop reading to your fun blog.

  18. TLJCSADWABH June 12th, 2006 1:05 PM

    Hey Shelley, how do you like it that your faggot USA football team are getting beaten in the World Cup! ha ha!

  19. Paleck June 12th, 2006 1:07 PM

    Congratulations Shelley! As long your burning the bill of rights and rewriting to suit your perverse version of reality, why don’t you remove the checks and balances from the constitution entirely? (That was sarcasm, in case you weren’t sure!)

  20. Lke June 12th, 2006 2:04 PM

    Please stop this stupid and useless blog -.-

    lots of people still think you’re real -.-

    at least admin it’s just for fun… please…

  21. Alex June 12th, 2006 2:13 PM

    That paper looks crappy. Anything not in scroll form has limited value to our christian country.

    I would say, replace that with the bible. I mean the old style bible. The rock throwing one.

  22. Boyakasha June 12th, 2006 3:06 PM

    Someone claimed that Shelley’s real/full name is Shelley Goodman Taub and that she is actually a member of the Michigan House of Representatives. Check out:

    http://house.michigan.gov/rep.asp?DIST=040
    http://www.gophouse.com/taub.htm

    Anyone know how true this is ?

  23. rbh June 12th, 2006 5:19 PM

    Change the bill of rights? Gimme a break. It has stood the test of time so far. The current leaders of the US are the only people who seem to have a problem with following it. Where is their accountability? They already monitor every email, phone call, etc. all under the disguise of national security. Who’s security? Real security is transparent not hidden in the offices of the NSA. You can not spy on your own people! period! (I suppose the world of 1986 is your ideal future) This is such a basic violation and if continued will lead to the end of the United States as we know it.

  24. Jan (Great Britain) June 12th, 2006 5:45 PM

    Hi Shelly,

    FYI the USA were beaten 3-0 by a former communist country today. Hah!

    I like the amendment you made to article X (10).

    You’ve just given the government to power to execute people who may make a mistake paying their taxes.

    Leave the law-making to the educated.

    Love and Kisses

    Jan

  25. Fiend June 12th, 2006 8:51 PM

    It’s the Republican fact file of the day!

    Name: Bardus Purgamentum
    Common Names: Shelley Goodman
    Family: Protozoans (unusually large)
    Range: Cenral USA
    Habitat: Small Dwellings (created by humans); mostly in front of computer (how it uses it is unsure, as the creature is not a sentient life form)
    Feeding Habiits: Unsure, but likely generic foods such as SPAM and other processed foods.
    Comments: A revolting creature, capable of blasphemy; highly obnoxious; claims all opposing creatures of being Liberals (only defence besides confusing other animals with its stupidity;) a danger to society, depraved and adept at corrupting others; parastic, as it leaches others attention, though mostly negative, and is also a parasite to existance, as it is a waste of space which could have been occupied by a usefull and productive life form; to summerize, this creature is evil and dull, and should be avoided at all costs.
    How to approach: Do not attempt to approach. Try as hard as you can to resist; the creature is dull, and incapable of coherent thought.

  26. Roger F. June 12th, 2006 9:28 PM

    Thank you for finally letting me see the light! I thought you were a right-winger, but this article finally crossed the line into goddamn hilarious! A++++++ Will Read Again XD XD XD XD XD

  27. Fred June 12th, 2006 10:26 PM

    Ok i got it now … You want U.S democraty to be changed in something like taliban’s way. Another god, another fanatic: same mistakes.
    God is loving Human being. God is loving every single little thing on the earth if i trust your holy book.
    Why are you believing Muslims are wronger than you ? Do you know to beat something to feel alive ?

  28. Raven June 13th, 2006 8:30 AM

    With articles like this, it?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•s hard for me to read seriously this blog. Really, really hilarious :)

  29. potto June 13th, 2006 2:22 PM

    excessive force can be used if a person is witholding information? are you condoning torture?!?!? i thought torture was a fascist tool? and anyway, if a person is witholding information how do you know to torture them, or do you propose to torture everyone ‘just in case’

  30. prowd_republican June 13th, 2006 9:15 PM

    Shelley,

    Take no notice of these freak liberal and unlightened bible bashing foriegner Shelley – they are just envious of us and are cowards otherwise they would agree with us!

    I congratulate you and Tristan for an excellant blog and I wish you to keep on doing what you are doing, I agree 105% on everything you write. You are a small light amongst the dark (liberal + communist) shadows!

  31. Strider June 14th, 2006 10:40 AM

    Shelly and her freepers are the best promotionals for birth control.
    They dare to call the Bill of Rights outdated? I thought you wanted to protect the Am. constition. I guess it’s not all that important anymore as long as it does not fit their agenda. I also think that they would be first rate nazi ziticens in hitlers germany, otr Stalins Sovjet. this post also proves that Human Rights, Democracy and Freedom is NOT on their agenda, but a Freeperville run by some Village Idiot (Bush) with a bit too much power on his hands. Anyone who want to cast away the Bill of Rights should be stripped, pealed salted, and chased down Pennsylvania Avenue by large mentally ill career rapists, and used as a toilet be a flock of baboons in heat.

    In Freeperville, they fuck with the constition, they warp the history of Judea and Jesus, and are on their good way to become tyrants that every dictator, or Goebbels would be proud of…

    Keep up the “good” work folks. Soon you will get a visit from some nice men in white coats to put you all into straight jackets, to drive you off to some institution where you can rant all you want and get your sorley needed medication.
    Anyone???

    tblpoet@hotmail.com
    Strider

  32. British Liberal Atheist Potsmoker June 14th, 2006 7:49 PM

    Whoa, whoa, whoa. You want to take the document, which has kept you on the moral high ground for the past (what is it?) 200 years, and modify it? You know what made you better than the Nazis? Throughout the cold war, what made fighting the USSR just? You were better than them because people had the rights that YOUR forefathers had the sense to lay down as soon as your nation was founded. Those rights made you better than the evil oppressors you fought, and you want to “edit” them? Other than perhaps the right to bear arms, those basic pillars should still hold up society today.

    Because you have the right to free speech, you are allowed to say this. But that does not stop it from being utter madness.

  33. kocka June 20th, 2006 5:46 AM

    “The main reason is that the Pentagon isrunning a couple of servers with the Linux Operation system. Our research brought to light that Linux is nothing more than a big piece of spyware (please read Tristan?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥s articles if you like to know more about the dangers of Linux). To make it short: The information stored on that Pentagon servers were sent to the enemy, so that the Taliban used our weaknesses to attack us on September the 11th.”

    LOL :-D

    The imagination is endless. What about the UFO’s?

  34. Anonymous June 23rd, 2006 5:44 PM

    you shold rename you site shelly the nazi

  35. terrible hacker July 4th, 2006 3:38 AM

    unfortunately this site is real and the fucking idiot is real too.. mis shelly has a link to this on her gop site.

    http://shelley.gop.com/

  36. terrible hacker July 4th, 2006 3:38 AM
  37. sara carter January 15th, 2008 7:36 AM

    you god damn fucking bitch who the hell do you think you are critizing the bill of rights of you piece of white trash. and yet you claim to love the usa you certainly do not you fucking traitorous bitch. i think you’ve gone to far you stupid no good white trash bitch kiss my ass. you don’t like the bill of rights then get of the usa you ignorant bitch.

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Shelley The Republican : For God, America and George W. Bush