Homosexuality : Operation Conversion
Friends
You would not believe what happened. My church group has a new member. This young man (picture on the left - he gave me this picture and he is fine with revealing this project on this blog) is gay*** (!). I can’t give you his name in order to protect him from embarrasement, but I will call him “Tommy” in this blog. This young man moved up here to Iowa (from California) because he found a good job here. He is very troubled by his homosexuality and is trying to overcome this urge for other men. I have agreed to help him. As a good Christian I feel that this is my duty! I am not condeming him, although I made it very clear right from the beginning that I am not tolerating his homosexual lifestyle!
Now: I have outlined to him my plan to convert him into a good, upstanding, God fearing person within 6 month!
My plan is to:
- Explain to him what a Gay lifestyle means and where it will lead to (Hell).
- Get rid of his (quite gay) looking clothes.
- Show him the correct way not to talk like a gay (you know, not as British).
- Show him how not to walk gay.
- Pray with him every day.
- Introduce him to nice religious girls from the area.
- Consult with the referend on a to discuss his progress.
- Bring his to denounce his homosexuality in front of the church congregation.
- Baptize him as a new born heterosexual and welcome him to the community.
- Let him marry a girl of his choice.
(if you can suggest additional steps, please let me know = help is greatly appreciated)
He agreed if all this does not work, he will leave our Godly community and never turn back. But I believe God in his endless goodness and love for all his children will make this conversion possible. And this will be a shining example for gays around the world and fill them with hope for a better life with God!
Every week I will report the progress of this operation.
So stay tuned. Until next time.
Yours,
Shelley
*** For more information about gays, please read this article.
106 Comments so far
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I am ashamed you and I belong to the same species. What’s next after converting gay people? Converting Jews? And if they don’t follow you? I think you might like Hitler’s solution for gays and jews. It would suit you fine. As I strongly believe you skipped a few too many classes in school, here’s a brief overview: He killed them.
That’s what you get for reading the bible. You become a very sick and inhuman person.
You do know that the bible was written by humans, don’t you? THINK before you believe blindly. We got a brain for a reason!
K said…
I am ashamed you and I belong to the same species. What’s next after converting gay people? Converting Jews? And if they don’t follow you? I think you might like Hitler’s solution for gays and jews. It would suit you fine. As I strongly believe you skipped a few too many classes in school, here’s a brief overview: He killed them.
That’s what you get for reading the bible. You become a very sick and inhuman person.
You do know that the bible was written by humans, don’t you? THINK before you believe blindly. We got a brain for a reason!
Monday, May 01, 2006 4:22:21 PM
Why would I want to convert a Jew? Jews are God’s chosen people.
Tommy want’s my help, OK?
Got it?
OK!
Shelley
you shelly are on sick son of a bitch. i dont lika gay people but yo talk about them like they are the worst thing that ever happend to humanity. what makes you think that he will go to hell for being gay? it is said that god forgives everybody, so why not the gay persons? if he can forgive murdurers, why not gays? sure if he doint like tp be gay it is good that you help him byt how nice is it of you to hang him out like a freak so people can laugh at him? you sick son of a bitch.
If god didn’t want people to be homosexual, why did he make some people homosexual? For that matter, why did he make some animals homosexual as well?
Show him the correct way not to talk like a gay (you know, not as British).
You also have something against the British (what the hell is a British accent, anyway? No such a thing exists, you’ve obviously never heard a Welsh/Scottish/N. Irish man, or for that matter a northerner from England)?
*cries with laughter*
“Shelley”, you are a star! It lasted for six months, and you should be proud.
Please put us out of our misery and reveal who is behind this wonderful satirical project.
Lots of love (in a very hetero-sexual, Christian, only within the sanctity of marriage, Republican mannner you understand)
Badger.
Not valid said…
you shelly are on sick son of a bitch. i dont lika gay people but yo talk about them like they are the worst thing that ever happend to humanity. what makes you think that he will go to hell for being gay? it is said that god forgives everybody, so why not the gay persons? if he can forgive murdurers, why not gays? sure if he doint like tp be gay it is good that you help him byt how nice is it of you to hang him out like a freak so people can laugh at him? you sick son of a bitch.
Monday, May 01, 2006 4:29:36 PM
I suggest you read the bible, “not valid” *strange name…
ANYWAY: 3 errors in one sencence. I am not “sick”, I am not a “son” and my dear mother was no “bitch”.
Poor you.
I will pray for you, not valid!
Shelley
badger said…
*cries with laughter*
“Shelley”, you are a star! It lasted for six months, and you should be proud.
Please put us out of our misery and reveal who is behind this wonderful satirical project.
Lots of love (in a very hetero-sexual, Christian, only within the sanctity of marriage, Republican mannner you understand)
Badger.
Monday, May 01, 2006 4:34:26 PM
Badger my dear.
Thanks for your kind comment.
Sorry. No can do. I will never reveal my true identity :-)
Also I will write in this blog for many year to come. It’s just to much fun to quit it.
Take care,
Shelleyw
Shelley; This is a fine example of christian charity.
Christ himself worked his miracles amongst prostiutes and sinners. I am certain that the power of prayer will result in another miracle.
Tommy, I too am praying for you.
Heh, I’m another Shelley fan. This stuff makes me laugh out loud. The Linux article was hilarious (doubly so as I use it) :)
Keep up the good work, I’m hoping for a ShelleyTheRepublican book some day, or maybe a comedy show …
What’s wrong with the british accent?
Show him the correct way not to talk like a gay (you know, not as British).
Dear Shelley,
I can’t quite tell if you are serious. I hope this is merely a satyrical joke. If not,please heed;Jesus is love. This is why God will not condemn gays to hell. God loves all of his children, even those who make mistakes. I consider you being arrogant enough to condemn someone to hell a far graver offense than someone being gay, and I still don’t think you will burn in hell. Judge not lest ye’ be judged.
Shelley,
There is only one sure way to convert Tommy–you must have sex with him as soon as possible. Right this minute, if possible, because you never know when He will call one of you home. I’m sure God wouldn’t mind, since you’d be bringing someone back into the fold.
I apologize for posting anonymously, but one never knows what tools the godless will use to ensnare us.
Always, Sisters in Christ.
Get rid of his (quite gay) looking clothes.
loooooooooooooool
good one, you are getting better, Im glad to se your fund raising is going well :D
You’re ignorance is amusing!
I’m sorry shelley..
but you have the same imperialistic ideals that the British had during the 19th and 20th centuries…you would be right at home on a indian colony reading rudyard kipling’s “white mans burden”
i’m ashamed that a so called “patriotic american” such as you exists in our country..its a shame that you follow such fascist beliefs to such a radical degree……the same kind of attitude lead to the massive genocide of almost 5 million jewish people (”jews are god’s chosen people” -you) i also noticed you stated that “tommy” was from california..what does california have to do with being gay??? you obviously have been raised to believe biased beleifs and stereotypes…but realize by 2025 the majority of the population in the U.S will be of mixed decent…hopefully then you will realize that your valuse were false and hopeless…
you also need to partake in modern issues that concern the world we live in and not just our country…because beleive it or not give or take a few years the power position could shift from the U.S….we’re not the only super power in the world..
From a neighbour to the north, ie. Canada eh…
This site is hilarious. Thank you for living the stereotypical American god-loving overly-patriotic life you have. It provides us with great humour to hear brain-washed Americans babble about whats right and wrong with the world. This site makes great reference material for why the world dispises the US.
Good Job! You get a E for effort.
I really hope this is satiristic …
Anyway:
You DON’T CHOOSE TO BE HOMOSEXUAL. You are.
That’s all and that is as good as being heterosexual.
Christ, church, god & all of those stuff were just RULES before they were changed by romans.
A desperated froggy
Anonymous said…
Get rid of his (quite gay) looking clothes.
loooooooooooooool
good one, you are getting better, Im glad to se your fund raising is going well :D
Monday, May 01, 2006 9:30:56 PM
It’s actually not going so well. It’s not even enough to pay for the webhosting….
Shelley
Finding out that this blog was satirical was the best news I’d heard all day.
Shelley, as a suggestion:
If Tommy shows too little progress, maybe you can spank him?
HTH
No! I would never hit another human being, not even a gay person!!!
I am against violence!
The power of prayers and goodwill will lead him the way.
God bless you,
Shelley
This blog is great, i really like this kind of humor. yet i have read some of the sites linked in your “friends” and these people are, unfortunately, serious. which made me ask myself wtf is wrong with them? they are so degenerated that they even think that “liberal” is a negative word. they really make me sick and they make all the americans look as idiots (even though it is not MY opinion, i can assure you that like 70% of population in europe thinks of americans as stupids only because of those demented republicans, orthodox christians and that kinda vermin). I now it?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•s not right and it?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•s not true, but it is, sadly, understandable.
i wish you luck with this site, maybe this extreme vision will make people see what dumb lies they obey.
Celestius
Czech Republic (don?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•t bother finding it on a map :))))
Shelley:
I will follow operation conversion with great interest, as there will be practical examples for use in my own community here in England.
Your article has already provided great enlightenment onto a subject I had previously little knowledge. For example I had no idea that the British accent sounded ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?gay?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥ to the American ear, although this would explain the number of unsolicited drinks I was bought during a holiday to San Francisco during my late teens; I?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥d never tried a ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?Castro throat tickler?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥ before and I got quite a taste for it.
As for further suggestions, I would recommend separating ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?Tommy??? from parts of the contemporary arts scene that may lead him astray. I?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥m thinking of musical acts like ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?The Pet Shop Boys?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥, ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?Sister Sisters?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥ etc and openly gay shows like ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?Queer eye for the straight guy?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥, ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?Queer as Folk?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥ and ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?American Idol?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥. Instead, try to channel him towards something more manly, like the films of Tom Cruise and Kevin Spacey.
But most importantly of all, remember the importance of your work, and that you can give ?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ?Tommy??? examples of those who have successfully completed the journey he is undertaking; the recently married Elton John being a prime example.
Good luck in your task.
K-S
dear shelley
can you help me too please? last night i was deep inside my boyfriend when i had a epiphany - GAYS ARE ALL EVIL! there is no excuse for it, no one should have the right to choose who they sleep with, it should be up to you! after wiping the excrement off my penis, and making him suck the rest off, i immediately dick slapped him for being gay.
please help me, i think i can fight the sickness inside me
ps, do you have that guys phone number?
God cries for your, you poor lost soul.
I don’t even know how I could reply to that.
I don’t think there is any hope for you to be honest….
Good luck.
Shelley
An anonymous person again, well, my first name is Christian, ironically, since i’m not a Christian.
Yesterday i wrote that i loved the satire on this site, don’t get me wrong, i DISAGREE with every single opinion voiced by ‘Shelley’, but i like the whole setup, someone is pulling a trick on all of us. I’m dying to know who’s behind this.
A question for Shelley, sorry if i bring up a F.A.Q.:
what’s you response to people -like me-
who don’t believe this blog is for real, does it annoy you, or do you welcome all added exposure, regardless of how it is interpreted ?
I love the 10th step, Shelley. It’s just WAY too funny.
10-Let him marry a girl of his choice.
Like it was actually you who had to allow it, and like the girl had no choice whatsoever.
I can picture the scene: “I, Shelley, who have absolutely no say on the matter, grant you Tommy the right to marry this girl who has no idea whatsoever that you want to marry her”.
Hehe, it’s just hilarious.
Shelley said: Badger my dear.
Thanks for your kind comment.
Sorry. No can do. I will never reveal my true identity :-)
Also I will write in this blog for many year to come. It’s just to much fun to quit it.
Take care,
Shelleyw
I knew it! It was all a parody! XD
Congratulations. You?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•ve done a VERY GOOD JOB right here. Every time a read any article of yours, laughs starts spreading all directions! Congratulations again. Now you?Ǭ¨?Ǭ•ve got a Spanish fan. ;)
You are truly sick. What will you do if you have a kid or a grandkid and they announce they are gay?? Lock them in a room and smash a bible over their head until they “repent”??
People don’t just wake up and decide one morning that they are going to be gay - it’s something inside them, the way they feel - they know something is wrong, and they realise they can only be happy with someone of the same sex. And you God botherers should keep your noses out of their lives. You can be Gay and be a Christian too, and love God etc etc - who your partner in life is should not affect your religion.
I’m an agnostic by the way, and hetero. But I don’t have a problem with gays, blacks, whoever - they are all human, they all have two arms, two legs, two eyes and deserve to be treated like any other human. Whereas you just need a drill putting through your head.
Favorability index falling, anyone?
Anyway - do you eat the meat of a pig? If so, that is breaking Leviticus, the same text that tells men not to lie with other men.
I suggest you start converting pig eaters.
Shelley,
Even in my most terrible nightmares, I could never imagine getting down to something as nauseous as what you write. I’ve spent quite some time reading all your thinking, and to tell you the naked truth, I’m simply astonished.
Realizing that people like you exist in this modern world frightens me. If we ever had to rely on your way of seeing things, we’d still be stuck somewhere in the middle-age. You, and all your blind-minded folks, makes this world a terrific, intolerant and horrible place to leave in. In essence, you are not different than those islamist terrorists, since you simply can’t admit that the real richness of our civilization lies into our cultural diversity and our freedom of thinking. Sure, you could call me a communist or a perverted hell-hound (you probably would!) but that wouln’t change that very simple fact: you belong to another age, a time of obscurantism, fear and religious fanaticism — and that’s exactly what you are: a fanatic.
I’m not american, I’m european (yeah, those bloody perverts trying to ruin America’s best assets with our communist-driven operating systems…) And as long there’ll be people like you in this great country of yours, the American Dream will be dead. RIP.
Ooh, he’s cute. I’d have him in an instant!
Wow. My boyfriend told me that my theory that all Americans are crass, stupid, paranoid morons was being a bit too vicious. I must show him this when I get home tonight.
I’m a man too, by the way.
raven, this is not a parody. I am baffled that liberals seem to think that everything in the world was a parody. Shelley was joking about her “secret identity” - as everybody knows here name and place of residence is on the home page of the site.
Please somebody tell me why it is that liberals think that everything is parody or some kind of eliteist satire? I think this over-developed sense of irony goes some way to explain why liberals spend their lives mocking America’s most cherished values. Family, Church, and life itself, these are all just a big joke to liberals like you!
“You are truly sick. What will you do if you have a kid or a grandkid and they announce they are gay?? Lock them in a room and smash a bible over their head until they repent??”
Of course not; We stand for freedom, but we also hate sinful behavor. I find that most homosexuals actually want to repent from their sins. The power of prayer can help the sinner return to the fold.
you can be glad that there are gay-people. at least they will not have stupid children like your parents…
Hi there,
First, I apologise for my poor english, but I’m european (sorry^^) and speak French and German usualy. Now my post :
Thank you. Thank you for that really hilarious moment. You can’t think like that! that’s impossible. I mean, no normal human with a midle sized brain and a normal life can be so intolerant.
You asked for suggestions. I’ve got one : Abandone all steps and replace them by “I will let him live his life licke he want to live it and wory about my one concernes. By the way I will think about the fact that such an intolerant way of thinking is wery similar to the ultra Islamic one. And by the way I smash up all this cramp called “shelleytherepublican” because I realised that what I wroth is racist and wouold be punishable in every other country.”
Bye
Anonymous said…
……. And by the way I smash up all this cramp called “shelleytherepublican” because I realised that what I wroth is racist and wouold be punishable in every other country.”
Bye
Tuesday, May 02, 2006 8:06:46 AM
Are you serious?
If this website would be illegal in your country, sorry to say, then YOU don’t have ANY FREEDOMS!
Listen, I am HELPING tommy. And it’s my personal opinion that a homosexual lifestyle if wrong. If that is illegal in Europe, oh God.. Thank God I don’t have to go there!
Shelley
well, I don’t orecisely meant precisely that post, but merly those one about Islamic peoples…
I think you should come to europe, or to affrica, or annywhere else than USA, it would oppen your mind…
Come on…this has to be a really well engineered troll-site. No one could be this #*@#ing out of touch.
Shelley, I really like your site. The satire is so thick and well articulated, it almost seems genuine. On second thought, I am not so sure. I must grok this a little more.
Mark
Perhaps Shelly ought to offer up her own body as a personal sacrifice in order to convert this poor soul to The Order of the Straight.
This site can’t be for real. Has the human mind deteroriated to this extreme?
I sincerely hope that this is all one giant joke at the expense of the insane religious nuts who think this way….
“Shelley,” you’ve done a wonderful job. This is funnier than the Onion and clearly illustrates how America’s increasingly backwards and hateful right wing faction is absolutely the worst conceivable direction for this country. This is a either a delicious parody or an excellent tool for converting the fence-sitters.
Shelley, I feel so sorry for the Europeans.
They live in a land without the freedom to express their religious beliefs. What an intolerant place Europe is if you cannot simply state facts from the Bible without being shot-down by freedom-hating enemies of Free-speech.
In America we have a constiution that assures our rights to worship. Americans can tell the truth when we see it. We are free to confront sin when we see it.
The founding fathers fought Europe once to defend those sacred freedoms, and we Americans will defend our freedoms with our life if nececary.
If Jesus were to return, and met you, he would beg to be nailed back up to the cross.
TRISTAN SHUDDERY SAID:
“Shelley, I feel so sorry for the Europeans.
They live in a land without the freedom to express their religious beliefs.”
Excuse me, do you know what you are talking about? As a mid-westerner who has lived in Europe since 1999, I have seen NO evidence of such religious suppression. Get a passport, actually leave the country and then feel free to comment!
Your problem can be seen in your use of the phrase, “facts from the Bible”. This is the main disease destroying millions in the world: the disease of literal-mindedness.
Shelley, you say that gay people talk like “British people”. Who are you to second guess the sexuality of an ENTIRE nation by their accents? Well, I could just as easily say that Iowans sound stupid because of their tendency to raise their voices at the end of sentences, making every statement sound unsure and like a question instead of a supposed statement of fact.
Another thing I have noticed reading this website is that there are a number of grammatical and spelling errors. If you don’t want to perpetuate the stereotype of US Christian Conservatives being literal-minded idiots, you may want to make a better effort to get your point across without your words portraying you as someone with 3rd grade writing skills.
It is too bad that this site isn’t a satire… “Please somebody tell me why it is that liberals think that everything is parody or some kind of eliteist(sp?) satire?” The answer to your question, Tristan, is: A lot of people around the world are able to see satire, irony, allegory, metaphor & symbolism, etc. in the world around them (EVEN in the Bible)! It is because of this disease of literal mindedness that people are able to narrow their views to see everything in black or white and to read every piece of literature ever written as if it were nothing more than an instruction manual… Come on people, there is a lot more to the world than this! Are we nothing more than a bunch of technicians?
Would you marry with a gay guy?
Don’t you think he’s unfit to marry?
I don’t know why you bother with these sinners. Just let them go their own way - STRAIGHT TO HELL!
I do’nt know why you are so worried about gay’s.
I mean, it there choice right? With hillary clinton for president gay marriage would be allowed and he would be allowed to epxress his normal feeling for other men.
Sad fact for you: you cannot pray the gay away. My partner and I have been together for a long time and we talk about this ALOT. fact is gay people are not any more strait then strait people are gay.
In any case, glad to hear that you have not dragged this fellow behind a car or chained him to a fence, somethink like that. Glad to hear you are treat him like person.
p.s.
don’t know why, but I do’nt see my blog under “friends or enemies” what is that?
Maybe with Humans 2.0 God can fix this homosexuality bug. He can let our geneticists know if He needs help.
Just to clear some stuff up - this site wouldn’t be illegal in Europe. No one would ever speak to you, and the press would make use of their freedom to ridicule you, but since you do not advocate any violence, then it would not be illegal.
“What an intolerant place Europe is if you cannot simply state facts from the Bible without being shot-down by freedom-hating enemies of Free-speech.”
Europe (at least in the EU) actually allows people to say whatever they want, so long as they are not slanderous (which has quite a high burden of proof) and do not advocate illegal activities, such as violence.
However, in a free society, why should people have to accept “facts from the Bible”? People in Europe have the right and freedom to shoot down with arguaments and persuasion whatever idea they see fit to do so.
Free speech is only free speech if you allow people to speak what you disagree with.
My mate “Canadian Willy” says that Tristan Shuddery is the gayest name he’s ever heard. And he should know, believe me.
I bet you’ve got a Barbara Streisand CD or two in your collection, haven’t you Tristan? Hmmmm? Come on….don’t be shy. Own up.
Looking a bit further…
1.Explain to him what a Gay lifestyle means and where it will lead to (Hell).—> Meaning YOU know better than him what being Gay means, right? ;)
2.Get rid of his (quite gay) looking clothes.—>Never mind giving him new ones.
3.Show him the correct way not to talk like a gay (you know, not as British).—> But you have never been in Britain!! How on Earth do you know how do they talk like??
4.Show him how not to walk gay—> So he will end up walking…like a woman?
5.Pray with him every day. —> But shouldn’t be this #1??
6.Introduce him to nice religious girls from the area.—> Considering what those “girls” can be like (as I’m asuming they are from your circle) I think the one praying for poor Tommy will be ME.
7.Consult with the referend on a weekly basis to discuss his progress.—> Can you imagine it? “Referend, Tommy now takes looks at the breast of the girls he finds on the street!”
8.Bring his to denounce his homosexuality in front of the church congregation.—> You JUST like fighting don’t ya?
9.Baptize him as a new born heterosexual and welcome him to the community.—> Keep on dreaming…
10.Let him marry a girl of his choice.—> What I said before. Furthermore, and considering your apalling intolerance, I’m surprised it’s not a girl of YOURS choice ;).
You had better also teach him about the holiest of holes or his nice religious girl bride will surely be cornholed on the wedding night. Maybe he should date a few Catholic girls before settling down (the Hebrew chicks will only confuse him with their preference for blow jobs). BTW, maybe the tornado was looking for him. You should only meet him in the church basement just to be safe.
In 1983 a boy named Bobby Fisher killed himself because for over a decade he beleived that god would change him. Guess what? God didn’t change him because there was nothing wrong with him.
If you want people to take you seriously why don’t don’t you take a spelling and grammar class? I will inform the British consulate that hate monger christians in the United States think they are all a bunch of fags. I am sure this will greatly improve diplomatic relations.
Another brilliant idea brought to you by the GOP! Thanks!
Oh, by the way, I heard there was this little scuffle going on in Iraq and possibly Iran, what’s up with that? Those silly Arabs, get a clue!
Dale Earnhardt rulz!
You make it sound like he is diseased. Why do you feel so compelled to save him? Leave him alone.
You do realize that there have only been 6 documented cases by the church of them converting a gay person? Guess what, 4 of them went back. You will fail at this, just like you have failed at life. You should know that the two most important words in the bible are, “whom soever”.
If you want to talk more about how homosexuality is not a sin, using your very own beloved bible, please join your chat for once. Otherwise you can continue to post your hatred in ignorance I guess.
Wow shelley, I never realised having a British accent was so totally gay-tastic.
## “God save our Glorious Queen(s)…”
Eeeeh, I never knew our British accents were Gay. I’ve written to our boys serving out in Iraq to let them know.
We don’t want them giving our US allies the wrong idea.
Best all round if they come safely back to Blighty and leave those with more heterosexual accents to it.
Now, young lady, you simply must not go about “converting” homosexuals. It simply will not do! If you manage to “convert” your new friend, you could undermine a millennium of civilisation.
I refer to God’s England. We have ruled England for hundreds of years by ensuring the peasants and chattels of the land are subservient to an enlightened upper class, born and bred to rule. Our honoured nobility have been the iron fist in the velvet glove; we have been the refinement that forgives the common barbarians; we have been the wit and intellect behind the power and strategy of our Great Britain during its rise to Empire.
We have developed a highly refined system to ensure that our upper classes will inherit all the skills required to rule:
One only develops the unique accent, stiff upper lip and supreme self-confidence of the British upper class through a system of strictly applied sodomy. Children must attend boarding school for no less than 8 years; it is during this time they will learn the most important skills of social networking and leave school well connected and with blackmail material on hundreds of well-placed sodomites.
If your promised conversion succeeds and becomes de rigueur you threaten the future of this great land. Our very tradition relies on keeping our schools well stocked with shirt-lifters.
I must insist that if you find homosexuality unacceptable, he must at least be allowed to bugger goats.
“Let him marry a girl of his choice.”
Yeah… only problem is HE’S GAY. Hahahahaa!! Damn you’re dumb.
Leviticus 18:22.
Amen, and may God bless you Shelley, and all else God-fearing.
If god didn’t want people to be homosexual, why did he make some people homosexual? For that matter, why did he make some animals homosexual as well?
This is not true. The Lord did not make anyone homosexual, but he loved mankind so much he gave him a free will. This includes denying God’s path, but that will lead to hell. Every man is free to pick his own path, but because God loves him so much he will be doomed to eternal hell if he chooses the Wrong One.
There were we British thinking that you Yanks just leeerrrvvveeed our cute British accents when all the time you thought we were carpet-munchers?
Shocking
Shelley/Tristan:
You are Stephen Colbert and I claim my ?Ǭ¨?Ǭ£5! ($10)
(Do I win anything for guessing correctly?)
Leviticus 11:7
“The pig, because he has a split hoof, and is cloven-footed, but doesn’t chew the cud, he is unclean to you.”
I take it you are going to write an article next on the dangers to our society of pig eating?
If you do, I suggest you include how the American habit of eating meat takes much massive amounts of resources that could be used to feed the children in the countries that produce that meat, and the pig feed.
Outrageous.
You sound like a neo-nazi.
i am ashamed to share air with you. you and your friends will burn in hell for hating much sooner than your “friend” for loving.
Anonymous said…
Outrageous.
You sound like a neo-nazi.
Tuesday, May 02, 2006 4:39:56 PM
Oh yeah right.
I believe you and me have different opinions what a neonazi is.
I have never seen a neonazi being kind enough to try to help a poor gay boy to overcome his homosexuality.
Oh God, I am such a munster.
Grow up, Anonymous.
Regards,
Shelley
(monster) ;-)
It is now believed that when Moses descended from the mountains with the stone tablets on which were inscribed the ‘10′ commandments, he dropped a tablet on which were inscribed the final 2. Achaeologists have now discovered the shards of these tablets and as far as they are able to ascertain, the final two commandments were as follows:
XI Thou shalt be neither an up hill gardener nor a tuppence tugger.
XII Thou shalt only use microsoft.
So Shelley is 100% on the mark.
Hey Shelley, you should tie down that little Tommy fag and screw him ’til his eyes bleed and he talks straight. That’ll do the trick.
You poor redneck bastard doesn’ t deserve the heaven your dreaming about…and I’m the worst athee you could ever meet. The only thing good you would be able to, is obliterate yourself, but I guess one wise guy will kick your fascist ass in future. Luckily people like you aren’t over numbered in my town, I take care of that. Die motha fucka, and burn in hell !
Shelly,
You must have sex with him! Not only that, but I’m afraid that you’ll have to take it “in the back door” for a while while “Tommy” gets used to being with a woman. It might help if you purchase a strap on, and bugger him so he won’t get homosick while you are converting him.
Anyway, that’s how the nuns converted me all those years ago.
Godspeed.
Bwhahahahahaha! Funniest thing all day. Greetings from New Zealand by the way (remember that little country that really really upset the Reagan administration by telling you we don’t want your nukes here…thats us) Honestly, this has too be made up because the rational part of me can’t quite come to terms with a life form being able to use a computer and being so thick at the same time.
Incidentally, I use a Mac - so I am really really evil (besides, the Linux/gay/european/communist/illuminati alliance has the bomb now so I thought I would join the winning side.
Shelly, darling, do you have a passport?
You really should see Europe my dear it is incredible (they have buildings more than 50 years old, and don’t drive SUV’s, they also have Gay people *gasp*)
Love and Kisses
Scott
PS Hitler abhorred physical violence too
PPS Go to Auschwitz, in winter, by train.
Shelly, you are one of the most bigoted, twisted, homophobic peices of scum that it is my disfortune to come across. Who are you to tell people what gender people should be attracted to? Your nobody, thats who. The Bible is a 2,000 year old book that noone really belives in anymore [or at least not in the literal sence that you do]Forcing your opinions on others? That, my dear, is called bigotry. Dictating how people should live there lives? Again bigotry. Speaking as a Liberal [I call myself that with pride]I say that you are giving the Right a bad name with your rants about how ‘SODOMITES ARE TEH EVAHLLL!!!’
In short, go back to the 15th Century and take your hate filled speeches with you
I strongly disagree with most of your extreme views and to me you appear to be unwilling to accept other peoples expression of their opinion or to even consider the fact that perhaps all your values may be flawed some way or another. yours truly.
Nooo, you can deny as much as possible, the idea is too seductive, attractive and clever to be wrong. You are the smartest!!
What best way to make people think about the prejudices they have that doing what you are doing right now??
Actually, this is too brilliant for not being.
You people have all of my admiration and my respect.
I wish a good continuation in your doings.
Dear Shelley,
Please give away Tommy’s email address, i would love to help getting him to be straight again…
Thanks,
A woman
i hope you die
I think God would choose to open the gates of heaven to a gay guy rather than you… after all, a gay guy was born gay (i.e. God created him as gay, and “God makes no mistakes”…). You on the other side, chose to became a stupid, intolerant, narrow-minded bitch all over the years! Shielding yourself behind the bible wont save you from burning in the flames of hell next to Mr. “ooops, we bombed a hospital” Bush.
See you in hell!
The funniest thing about this site is how many people don’t get it…
Since Godwin’s law* was invoked in the very first comment, Shelley, you are obliged to declare the rest of this thread null and void.
Including what I just wrote.
*
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin’s_law
Thank god that the comments don’t have the same opinion of the author of this website.
May I say that prejudice is one of the worts sins of humanity. I doubt that praying will save you if your attitude to other peapole is so repulsive. Learn to understand and accept diferent opinions and way’s of life, even if you can’t understand them yourself.
well I hope that your mind will evolve and will find the light.
Ps:Black Sharne, hey I like the avatar.god save yaoi ^^
you wont post this, but i hope it burns your eye’s…
you try to control everyone, you want everyone to think the same, talk the same, act the same… you know your not the first to think like this (nor will you be the last) but the first time i saw this kind of behaviour was in old news reels… but unfortunatly, i couldn’t understand it as the dictation was in german only words i managed to capture was “hail hitler” hmmm…
if u need it explaining to you, you are no better than hitler himself. and if u dont feel obliged to post this, why dont you email your responce in private…
Valentine@SGDesigns-web.net
If you succeed, I will send you my fox-terrier, he believes he is a republican and tries to copulate with all female conservative politicians. What a shame for me ! And poor dog !
My God woman….you are a walking advertisement for birth control!
May your children forgive you.
[quote=Shelley]Oh God, I am such a munster.[/quote]
Too true! Like Herman Munster your beauty is much more than skin deep. How could anyone mistake you for other than the deeply caring person, dare I even say Saint that you obviously are!
Saint Shelley’s Day - has a ring to it!
If you had been Lot’s wife, you wouldn’t have accepted being turned into a pillar of salt. No you would have turned back to save those troubled souls in Soddom and Gommorah.
Bless You
Croc Hunter
If Tommy shows too little progress, maybe you can spank him?
No! I would never hit another human being, not even a gay person!!!
But he wants to to spank him. All ho-mo-sexuals want to be spanked.
Pat Robertson said so last night on CBN…
Next time you’ll read history do bother to investigate how many great personalities have been homosexuals. Just an example. Many of the ancient Greeks who on their works is based the whole western civilization (democracy, philosophy, drama and theater, etc) were homosexuals. Differentiality is the salt of life. Not to mention that the majority of clerics and priests are indeed homosexuals, although Church will never tell you that-I suppose you’re smart enough to realize this is truth despite the fact that you may not want to admit it.
On the other hand of course you can be the typical American who chooses to be ignorant regarding world history.
i can?t believe what you’ve written. do you think you are god himself and that you are allowed to change people so that they are like you want them to be?
Why can’t you accept people like they are? they do not hurt you with they sexuality! so let them live they lifes and do not try to distroy they lives
you people are absolutely insane!!!!!!!!!
You are crazy? You really believe that all this will convert TOMMY? and what do you say about all gay and pedo priests? LIVE AND LET LIVE, you can’t decide how Tommy’s life should be and he will not go to hell only because he is gay!!!
This is a truly disgusting website. One of the most vile things I have encountered on the web to date. You should be deeply ashamed. I thought it was a joke to start with but it appears not. Truly sad. I seriously suggest you try learning the facts about issues before you post them for public consumption.
He’s a smart guy this Tommy. He is just trying to get laid. No evil designs, just smart, with you comforting him and playing the caring sharing person, which u are, its just a couple of clicks away. Whats more, I think u have a bit of a soft corner for him as well. :) I would love u to love him!!
Are you doing a world tour anytime soon? if you coem to britain we would love to have you as a guest speaker at our uni, we have an event coming up soon, perhaps you could fit in between jimmy carr and bill bailey
big up to anyone who watches “live from the apollo” on channel 4 in the uk ;)
Good site… really a good site… yeah, a clown should read it, before go on the scene.
It says what people like hear to laugh.
In italian: Bel sito… veramente un bel sito… s?, un pagliaccio dovrebbe leggerlo, prima di andare in scena.
Dice ci? che alla gente piace sentire per ridere
W ITALY
Viva l’ITALIA
Let me work like an OpenSource minded, i can give a little sand grain traslating your words to spanish:
“Good site?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?Ǭ? really a good site?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?Ǭ? yeah, a clown should read it, before go on the scene.
It says what people like hear to laugh.”
“Qu??Ǭ© Buen sitio!… Realmente! Qu??Ǭ© buen sitio! Si! un payaso deber??a leerlo, antes de ir a escena.
As?? el dir??a lo que a la gente le gusta oir para poderse reir!”
@shelley:
“Jews are God?¢‚Ǩ?°?É‚Äû?ɬ¥s chosen people.”
i thought christians where god chosen people, doesnt your god want everyone to be christian, oh sorry i forgot that jesus himself was a jew!!
Shelley, baby. I’m afraid I dont belive you about “Tommy”. I wonder how on earth an “out” gay person got to be in your church group to begin with. I’m a little confused as to why this person, who was just leading his life, everything fine, would just drop everything and pretend to change sexual orientations (something that is IMPOSSIBLE)becaouse some weird religous fanatic told him to. You made him up, doll. And not very well I must say! You probably dont realise this but your use of the double negtive actually reverses everything you say. Oh and sweetie, by the way, we’re losing the war. Not winning.
All my love,
Hester
Hi all,
I felt the need to pose a few question. I don’t really care about what you think afterwards but what I would like for you to do is think before answering. I am a God fearing and Loving woman and I constantly hear argues about homosexuals, God, religion and the bible and most comments I hear are suprising. I guess I say this because a faith based, bible based religion consists of love, guidance, peace, doing what’s right, heaven, sharing, caring and things of that nature and people hate all of that. I think that is the craziest thing in the world to me. People hate being told by a relious bible believing person that homosexuality is wrong, but what you all aren’t understanding is the Lord corrects who he loves meaning these people aren’t judging they are simply sharing they views as the Lord has instructed. Last but not least the last book in the bible talk about the end times, and it talks about people that don’t believe and it talks about people not believing in HELL and Satan and things of that nature so my quetion to all the unbelievers wouldn’t you want to atleast try to get an understanding of the Lord and the Holy Bible just in case HELL is real? I ask this because for all of you all who don’t know, for all of you who don’t want to know and for all the people who are unwilling to listen when the end times come….it’s over and HELL is HOT. If you ever want a little more information about what I’m talking about go to a bookstore and but The Divine Revelation of Hell by Mary Baxter and she’ll help in vivid detail what it’s all about. With that I have to say thank you for your time and listen to what people are saying for once in your life rather than hating the truth!
Blessed and Highly favored
Britney spears crotch….
Britney spears photo. Britney spears up skirt….
Your mother obviously WAS a bitch, shelley, if she raised you to believe this. I hope you join her in your local cemetery and let the maggots devour your fucking corpse, you ignorant bitch.